Exciting news from the world of procreation, as it is now official that both Tom Brady and Frank Demski have found out that their boys can swim.
I’ve got a few of problems with this that need to be addressed:
- Frank Demski has now been the highlight of two consecutive posts…even if they are 3 weeks apart.
- I found out second hand that the Demski’s had a bun in the oven, while Tom Brady called me directly
- The due dates of these spawns both are scheduled to occur after Labor Day, putting them WITHIN the 2007 football season.
The trickle down effect from an event of this magnitude could effect the Godfather’s attendance for early home games, including the opener against the two-time defending National Champion Mountaineers of Appalachian State. It could also overshadow Michigan’s run at a National Championship, and reek havoc on the New England Patriots’ preseason action. Think before you drink you selfish bastards, or you may be forced to perform a Kelke-serean.
Congrats! on making it even harder to escape from your relationships.
My god, did Bubba teach you nothing?
Demski’s (and Moore’s):
Congratulations. This is exciting news. Schedule as follows:
Natural delivery: Sunday afternoon or Monday morning. This allows enough time for mother and baby to come home before the game the following Saturday.
Kelke-serean (Frankie, I liked that): Schedule for Thursday, you can be there for the birth and be back in time (Sunday) to bring home baby and mommy from the hospital. You could also do this on Friday, but it would mean a there and back on Saturday which will make you more tired.
After mother and child are home: Work a lot and, if possible, schedule business out of town so you can get some sleep. Spend as little time as possible at home for the first 6 weeks.
Your bed: Don’t let the baby in your bed (or you will never get it out) and also, let the baby cry at night. If you go pick him/her up every time there is a noise, you’ll be doing this forever.
Pre-birth: Go to Buffalo Wild Wings, bars, etc. You have a designated driver now and you will never be able to go out after the baby arrives.
Prohibited names: Godfather and Admiral.
Over under on Denny’s crying time after birth(in hours): 12 with a few aftershocks the following three weeks (at least 3 times per week).