Amendments to Tailgate Constitution

by Johnny Cleveland​

Nice job Franky, but you made some serious omissions. You get a pass since it's game week #1 and I'm sure your nervous, but it would be unjust to not include the following amendments and add ons. Tailgaters, remember it is your duty to help continue making Umtailgate the fastest growing and winningest tailgate of all time, so follow the rules laid out for you in these posts. All amendments are after the jump so continue reading!

#1A. Bring Something/Someone

Another very plausible thing to bring is good looking, preferably single girls to diversify the group. As you know Michigan is known for its football tradition, not its eye candy, so helping some of us out here is greatly appeciated. For an example of the type of chick preferred see Mellisamidwest.com (adult only site, so married guys wait till after the girls are in bed, T & Goody especially).

#2 Eat Something 

This is essential, however make sure you eat a reasonable share, nobody likes a tailgate pig, especially if you didn't adhere to rule #1.

#3 Drink Something

Unless you are the driver, or under age, or meet the mellisamidwest criteria, what else are you coming for?? The Game, yeah right.

#4 Hug the Godfather

Make sure you warn new members that he just likes to hug a lot and he is not a pervert, there has been some confusion/gray area around this before.

#5 Respect the Hall

NUFF SAID

#6 Learn to Love

This message needs to be spread to others when we go on the road, so follow the golden rule at all times. Even if we do play the fight song a little loudly. (See Wisconsin 2005.)

#7 Learn to Hate

I don't think we need to hate anybody, its just a game between teenage boys that we use for an excuse to party, Hate is a waste of party time, get over it. Plus this season we will whip both aforementioned asses.

#8 Go to the Game

Being that I have never missed a kickoff I would normally agree, however exceptions include extreme heat/cold, shitty opponent, or if a lot of people adhere to rule 1A and you can stay at the tailgate with good company and booze.

#9 Go to an away game 

A must for the true fan/tailgater, I suggest first timers avoid this year's funsuckers that are minnesota and ohio state.

#10 Ask Goody About his tatoos. 

Goody you still have time to eliminate these mistakes. Go to Wreckingbalm.com.

#11 Follow the Theme 

It is a good idea sometimes, hopefully everyone dresses like Charlie the Tuna for week 2.

See you all Saturday!!!

How To Tailgate at UMTailgate.com

​Well my friends the time has come. Dust off your yellow socks, the 2006 season is here. Each year I get a plethora of questions from UMTailgate.com rookies on what you should do about food, drinks, etc, so I have rehashed an old post from before the start of the 2004 season that kind of sums things up. Here are some suggestions (Big 11 of them) to make your tailgating season fun and exciting:

#1: Bring Something.

 I don't care if it's a steaming bowl of poop, although bonus points go to those who surprise us with unique cuisine, unique drinks, unique outfits, unique decorations, or unique personalities. Bringing something is your pass to enjoy everything we have to offer at the tailgate.

#2: Eat Something. Dual reasons for this. First, we've got too much food, I promise...just stay out of Godmother's cheesy potatoes. Second, you'll need something of substance in your gullet if you want to follow tip #3...

#3: Drink Something. Bring a giant mug and fill it with a cocktail of your choosing. Bring a cooler of beer and empty it into your belly before kickoff. Take a tug on the bowl of Yucca. When it gets cold, sip a mug of spiked coffee. In short, get drunk, because you're alot cooler when you're drunk. And let's not forget, the best tailgating stories always seem to include...(insert person here) had a lot to drink, and then he/she fell down (into the bushes / on the stadium steps / into that girl's chest). Later (he / she) groped the (daughter / son) of (insert former tailgater here). We found (him / her) passed out (on the grass outside the stadium / in their car / under their car).

#4: Hug the Godfather. Why? Because we said so. Especially if you have no idea who he is. Because the Godfather loves to get himself some "strange." Even better, if you liked it, you can do it again the following week...because the Godfather never remembers you the first time.

#5: Respect the Hall. The members of the UMTailgate.com Hall of Fame. Recognize them, respect them, honor them. Don't know who they are? Check the flag. Tip your hat to Bubba and Stephen too. They've been to 100+ straight home and away Michigan games.

#6: Learn to Love. Respect all of the tailgaters, even those from the opposing team that are visiting us and wallowing in our dynasty and tradition. This applies to everyone except…

#7: Learn to Hate: Michigan State and Ohio State. Don't mistakenly wear their T-shirts, their hats, and in most cases, their colors. This applies to tailgating and gamedays only...however, big bonus points if you apply this rule in your daily life, like me.

#8: Go to the Game. And try to make it there before kickoff.

#9: Go to an Away Game. Ya, we tailgate there too. Some long drives are in store for this season, but there's nothing like Saturday Night Football on the road, so quit being a candy ass and put on a white jersey.

#10: Ask Goody To Show You His Tattoos. It's not imperative for your enjoyment, but it makes me laugh.

#11: Follow the Theme. Yes, each tailgate has a theme, and the theme is posted with each game on the season schedule.

Case of the Mundys: 8/28/06

style="color: rgb(54, 31, 5); font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'Lucida Grande', Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 21.59375px;">It's game week. After a dreary weekend of weather in Ann Arbor, looks like we might get a break this weekend, with future forecasts reporting sunny skies and temps in the mid-70's for Gameday. Of course, I have about as much faith in weather reporting as I do in the pre-season polls.

Looks like good news on the injury front, as Mike Kolodziej's ass-pimple illnessinjury has been magically fixed. He has been cleared to play.

"They were just checking up, everything's good," he said. "It wasn't much of a situation. I'm good to go."

That's very Lloyd of you to be so specific. Amazing how something goes from career threatening to "good to go" so fast. But hey, I'm not complaining. Good to have you back Mikey.

The hard-hitting interview show known as Michigan Replay hit the airways for its 32nd season. Coach Carr didn't dwell very much on last season, spending most of his time praising the Vanderbilt juggernaught to a level that made me uncomfortable about the possible outcome of this Saturday's contest. He did his obligatory pre-season freshman shout-out, listing newcomers that might see some action. No big surprises...but Lloyd did mention that Justin Boren would be back in a couple of weeks.

Injuries:

• Antonio Bass: knee, out indefinitely


• Justin Boren: ankle, 2-3 weeks

EDITOR's NOTE: Freep now has this article, which outlines the Michigan depth chart (on page 11), and quotes Lloyd as saying Mike Kolodziej will not play this season. So, we can (I guess) add... 

• Mike Kolodziej: undisclosed injury, out for season

The weekend that was across the internets....

• Eddie Cunningham says Michigan is the team to beat. [Freep]


• Mark Snyder confirms the return of Mike and Justin (see editor's note above). [Freep]


• I'm tired of the term hot-seat, but apparently the media isn't. [Freep]


• MFS has a quick-hitter on true freshman roles at Michigan. [Michigan Football Saturdays]


• More about how the hot-seat has grown hotter since Al Gore created the internet. [ESPN]


• The "What have you done for me lately?" team report. [

Slocum if You Got 'Em

​A couple of quick hitter news items, and I will start with the most recent, which is the campus arrival of Marques Slocum. Marques was not only part of the #2 SI.com ranked recruiting class of 2005, he was the feature of it. Slocum had some issues with some standardized tests, which Neon told me are racially biased anyway. Continuing the never ending loop of the Michigan blogosphere, I will send you to MGoBlog, which offers quality information on how Marques never gave up... punctuated with a solid Michigan State joke...

I've never seen a recruit this tenaciously determined to go to school here. Anybody else would be in their second year at a JUCO or receiving a PhD from Michigan State by now. He's in. He's got to do well in Astro 111 and then he'll be given a winged helmet. I am available for tutoring sessions, Marques, and if provided with a nice Che-like vector graphic of your face will print "I WANT TO BELIEVE" T-shirts, except that's an NCAA violation so I won't. [MGoBlog]

In "largest pre-season class ever assembled" news, Junior Hemmingway

("Junior" is his name, not his class) of South Carolina has made his decision, and it's Michigan. Michigan Sports Center has already posted twice about it, so I'll let them take it from here ...and here.

This is a great pickup for Michigan nonetheless, especially when it comes over a team like Notre Dame. It's pretty good that Michigan could go into South Carolina and lure him away from Spurrier when his final choice was made. I imagine it'd be pretty hard to recruit against a school in their home state, but the Wolverines pulled it off.

And finally, tomorrow is Michigan Fan Day. 

It starts early. Gates open at 8:30am. It's time to start setting that mental clock for weekend wake-up, so maybe I'll head out there and give the camera some exercise. Anybody else want to go?

Can You Smell It?

​The more I read, the more confused I get. I try to avoid being swayed by the pundits but it's very difficult. I mean, their sole purpose in life this time of year is to sway. Is Ohio State's offense really the second coming of Vince Young's 2005 Longhorns? Will West Virginia's schedule give them an opportunity at the championship? Do I care?

Attached is an article about the last 35 years of pre-season polls that I think you will all find enjoyable. Clearly the purpose of the poll is to attract ratings for television and make sure that the big boys stay close to the top as long as they're somewhat respectable. (The second week of the season pits number 1 Ohio State against number 2 Texas in a prime time matchup on ABC, and I promise, neither team will finish with that ranking at the end of the year, however it would take an absolutely catostrophic collapse for one of those two to finish unranked).

But have you ever wondered how accurate the pollsters are? Michigan has had their fair share of mis-rankings (see last year's pre-season #4) but much to my surprise we have been relatively UNDER-RATED. Here's an exerpt...

24. Michigan: Since 1971, no school has been ranked in the AP preseason poll more times than the Wolverines. They've been unranked just once, in 1985, a slight that prompted a defensively-dominant 10-1-1 season and a Fiesta Bowl victory over Nebraska. Last year's unexpected freefall to 7-5 represented just the second time in the last 35 years that Michigan began the year in the Top 25, yet couldn't maintain their ranking at the end of the bowl season.

*Composite Score: -4.21

Here's the opening blurb to give you a little background...

Since 1971, 31 college football programs have graced the AP's preseason Top 20...Top 25 beginning in 1989...at least 10 different years. Some have routinely lived up to their expectations, rewarding voters by either meeting or exceeding summer expectations with a solid season. Many others over the last 35 years, however, have not been as kind to the pollsters, often fading quickly and failing to meet their advanced billing.

And maybe my favorite paragraph of them all...

8. Notre Dame Rejoice, Irish haters. The 35-year evidence bears out your long-held belief that Notre Dame football gets way more credit in the polls than it deserves. The Irish have been ranked in 30 preseasons since 1971, but have been able to maintain or improve upon that projection a mere eight times. And on 11 occasions, they slid completely off the charts by the time the final bowl game had been played. The last three times Notre Dame was ranked in the preseason 1999, 2001 and 2003...it failed to manufacture more than five wins.

*Composite Score: -10.40

However you might get an even bigger kick out of who's been the most over-rated...Nice work by the guys at collegefootballnews.com. They saved me from doing a whole bunch of work that I wasn't sure I wanted to committ too...Here's the link...

The major factor that is not addressed however is when a team starts the season unranked but finishes in the rankings. I realize the point of the article is to focus our attention solely on the preseason rankings but in determining if a program is under or overrated, both elements should be considered. And obviously the previous years success or failure will ultimately have some bearing on the respect the individual program garners in the preseason. Certainly this holds true for the teams that aren't consistantly in the polls.

For instance, in 1999 the Michigan State Spartans went unranked in the preseason however finished the year number seven in the country. That would make them a plus 18 in a season they weren't ranked in the pre-season poll! The following preseason, Michigan State was ranked 25 in the AP's initial poll yet finished unranked at the end of the season. That type of jump of course is normally found when looking at the mid-level, power conference programs. And by using Michigan State as an example, we stay within the parameters that were established by the author: Choosing one of the 31 teams that appear at least 10 times since 1971.

Still a very nice piece of work and maybe Richard will join us at some point during the season to answer a couple of questions for The Hammer and talk more college football. Enjoy the article!