Tailgate Prep. (Part I: drink holders)

​We have seen articles on this, and many other web sites/blogs, about college football teams around the nation preparing for the upcoming season.  I am positive the players and coaches are giving their all to assure they are prepared for the season opening kickoff that is rapidly approaching.  What I am not as sure of is that all you tailgaters are putting in your preseason work to prepare for this soon to arrive last weekend in August.  So I here to refresh you on some of the essentials.  This weeks lesson, holding your beer. 

The style of play in the Big House is expected to be "new" to us all, but much of the style of the tailgate will remain the same.  Obviously with tailgating comes consuming, and one of the things we consume is beer.  Now Umtailgate has its fair share of visitors, and legends, that partake in other imbibements, but like every other tailgate across the nation, beer is the biggest staple.  Within the last decade or so it has become the sign of any real tailgate beer drinker to show their experience with their own personal can/bottle holder.  Over this period of time we have seen major evolutions and developments in the science of the can holder and almost on a week to week basis we are shocked to see what can now be used to hold a beer.  The purpose of this article is to get your brain stimulated on how you will hold your beer this season.  Will you go with a classic?  Will you blaze your team colors and logo?  Will you be creative, like Coach Rodriguez and come with a whole new approach?  The choice is yours, but now is the time to start preparing as you will need something of quality to hold your beer on August 30th.  We encourage creativity at Umtailgate and also recommend longevity as the first tailgate will entail approximately 7 hours of beer drinking.  If you continue reading I look at some of the can holders that make up Umatilgate history.

The Classics:  The classic way to hold your beverage at Umtailgate is to do so while showing your support your Wolverines.  This can be done in a plethora of ways; a classic foam holder, a bottle zipper or even a molded football player.  This is the safest play and easiest to acquire, so if your are of little creativity this could be your option.

The Weather Dictated:  This option probably won't be one you choose in September, but it comes to the tailgate annually out of necessity.  The "Beer Glove" is commonly used when temperatures drop and a flip flop in science transpires.  In these conditions the beer itself needs no insulation as the weather will keep it cold, however the tailgaters' hands need protection from both the elements and the coldness of the beverage.  If you are a trooper and join Umtailgate later in the season, the Beer Glove will be a nice choice, obviously when using the Beer Glove, a glove with a block M is the best choice.

Tailgate Girls Fist:  This finished #2 in the final poll of best beer holder in Umtailgate history.  It didn't come without controversy however.  The fist itself was originally crafted with a Detroit Tiger Logo and while very creative it also was deemed by some as very obnoxious.  With its conversion, by placing a block M sticker over the old English D, it vaulted into contention for best Umtailage beer holder.  After all voting was in, even though it draws the ire of many contemporary Umtailgaters, it fished in the runner up spot.  This choice of beer holder is a classic example of high risk/high reward.  So if you try to go this way remember that some will give you accolades while others will experience an elevated level of pisstivity.

The Champion:  Hailing from one of the unlikeliest of sources, the champion of the beer holder is none other than Umtailgate Hall-of-Famer Stephen.  Unsure how it was constructed, either by him personally or manufactured, apparently didn't deter voters from giving his modified Nerf football a landslide victory.  This level of creativity would serve you well for the upcoming season and be highly appreciated at the tailgate.  So if one of the lesser creativity speaking members can develop this high level of beer holder, so can you.  Congrats go out to Stephen and his victory!  As we move closer to the season, we are expecting a new level of excitement on the field and demanding a new level of beer holding at the tailgate. I part with this snippet to spur some creativity, we have a theme for each tailgate so crafting a beer holder to fit both the block M and theme would surely be a hit.

How Many?

by Robert Haddad

I'm sure it's not hard for most of you to see how people here at my office know I graduated from Michigan. And of course when I over hear them say something like "oh, ask Rob, he's a Michigan fan." I quickly snap and remind them "I'm not a fan! I paid for this shit." That usually helps them understand my true love affair. I'm invested in this thing. Fans are supportive observers to varying degrees, from maniacal to passive, I on the other hand am an investor. I'm looking for returns on my dollar.

So my co-workers that are actually familiar with the sport of college football, either those that went to a school with a football program, simply like the sport or gamble are curious as to my thoughts on the season. I had previously set the over under for wins at seven without a firm grasp of the schedule. But after further inspection six might be more realistic. There seem to be five win-able games, four tossups and three uphill battles. And although I haven't fully digested what's happening this year I'm eager and excited and enjoying the lack of pressure that normally accompanies the high expectations placed on our team. Which leads me to something so poignant that Coach Rodriguez said recently. It expresses a value that at times may have been publicly missing in the past from some of our teams. "I don't want them to expect to win, I want them to deserve to win."

This excites me. It gives me a belief, along with the various articles and posts exalting our new strength and conditioning program, that we're working our ass off this year. That we understand that we're behind the eight-ball before the season starts. But this predicament has created a variety of questions that rarely entered my mind in the previous 15 seasons I've been associated with. Will the lack of talent and experience on the offense create a divide between the defense and the offense? How will this play out? What is really appropriate to expect? Can our defense win games for us? Can our offense be efficient? Is it possible to be playing on January 1st? I know all the other spreads I like, will I like ours? So many questions...so little time. This seems to be the ultimate "two steps back one step forward" scenario. I'm hoping that one step forward is taken with our Timbos on, for there is stompin' in our future!

Weekend Roundup, Get a Jersey Edition: 8/11/08

​8/8/08 has come and gone...anybody seen Goody?

Here's what happened on the internets while you ran a Beer-a-thon and stored some more belly button link.

  • Some Lopata love from Angelique via MVictors.  Never underestimate the power of special teams.  Remember the fun punt?  Remember Iowa coming in here on homecoming and handing us our ass?  Ya, not a coincidence.

  • Ohio State gives cars, money, hatchets, and vodka to their athletes.  MATW has the proof, at least about the car thing.

  • The BBC thinks they're funny.  They probably have a ton of runner-up merch over there.

  • Sticking with the MDen, those that have inquired about jerseys...they are available and will be shipped on 8/25.  The come in screen print, replica, and authentic versions and are priced from $55 to $150.  You can get a #1, #4, or #10. MDen.

  • You love Terrance Taylor...so does Maize n Brew.  And more from RBUAS.

  • Start thinking ahead to Nov 22...Varsity Blue can help you.

My Mode of Transportation is Plane

by Robert Haddad

Within four hours of walking out of my door i can be in ann arbor. the price of this luxury ranges between 220 and 320 dollars. if ann arbor didn't exist and i was simply flying into metro to go to detroit it would cost me roughly 300 dollars. most of you wouldn't waste a tank of gas to go to detroit let alone pay 300. Let's put this into perspective, my flight to vegas in July was 400, LA in January was 300 and Chicago during the various seasons this year ranged from 100 in the winter to 300 in the summer. But should I really be paying this much to fly to Michigan? And to think of all the cutbacks ("what do you mean i'm not going to be getting a frozen turkey sandwich for lunch on this flight?!" and "how much for the shitty clothed covered pillow?!" or "sure, here's 60 dollars for you to check my bag and then lose it.") But if this were a Mastercard spot I'd be telling you all these costs and ending with "Michigan Football: Priceless." But Michigan football isn't priceless. It's expensive and time consuming and if you're not careful, detrimental to your health (well actually, if you're careful then it probably wouldn't be detrimental to your health but...semantics...)

I think that's my biggest draw. The "danger" of tailgating. The beer consumption alone would fulfill my daily caloric intake. But I need more. I thrive off of Deep Fried Pork Loin wrapped in Bacon. (and by the way, i will make sure to bring in some bacon from Porterhouse steakhouse in NYC. their bacon is a frickin' appetizer on their menu. and yes, I ordered it with my steak. you'll eat with ice cream if you knew what's good for you!) I dream of reuben egg rolls and coconut shrimp and of course the coup de grace are the cheesey potatoes. I think Michigan football more than anything is an admission of mortality. No matter the drawbacks we accept that it's a necessary evil. Because it brings us together, it provides us with joy (and occasional pain) and allows us to believe. Our faith is not so much in an omniscient being but in a cold brisk Saturday morning surrounded by family dressed in maize and blue.

SI Predicts the Apocalypse

The following teams are better than your team:

1. Georgia

2. Ohio State

3. USC

4. Missouri

5. Florida

6. Oklahoma

7. Auburn

8. Texas Tech

9. LSU

10. Wisconsin

11. Clemson

12. Tennessee

13. Texas

14. West Virginia

15. Kansas

16. Arizona State

17. BYU

18. Oregon State

19. Pittsburgh

20. Oregon

21. South Florida

22. Penn State

23. Illinois

24. Virginia Tech

25. Utah

26. Wake Forest

27. Cincinnati

28. Fresno State

29. Alabama

30. Mississippi State

31. Iowa

32. Maryland

33. Rutgers

34. North Carolina

35. Tulsa

36. Colorado

37. Boise State

38. Michigan State

39. Cal

40. South Carolina

41. Florida State

42. Connecticut

43. Oklahoma State

44. East Carolina

45. Nebraska

46. Miami

47. TCU

48. Boston College

49. Southern Miss

50. Northwestern

51. Texas A&M

52. Notre Dame

53. Arizona