8/31/2019: Middle Tennessee State University | 7:30PM | BTN | Theme: The Luau


Michigan trolls little brother by inviting the architect of one of the biggest upsets in college basketball history to the Big House for an evening tilt and a $1 million payout. Nice. I’m trying my damndest to get a copy of that hoops classic, which I will happily have on rotation for the entirety of the tailgate. We’re bringing back the Luau, and all prominent parts of the pig will be well represented. Pig all day. Pig all night. And everybody gets leid.

9/7/2019: Army | Noon | Fox | Theme: The Detroit


Put your hands up for Detroit. Greek diner style breakfast, coney dog lunch, and maybe a touch of Polish somewhere in there. If you don’t love the D, you don’t know shit from Shinola. Bring your irony and your PBR too. We need to keep those hipsters happy.

9/28/2019: Rutgers | Time TBD | TV TBD | Theme: The Birds and Bubbles

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We fancy huh? With a TBD time, there might be a 2nd meal component to this one if it gets moved to late afternoon, though my preference was that we move this one to Rome as part of the “foreign soil” Michigan game that is being floated around. Pretty self explanatory: lots of sparkling wine, lots of fried chicken, and probably some biscuits or other KFC-inspired accoutrements. Plan to have your pinkies out and dripping with fry oil.

10/5/2019: Iowa (Homecoming) | Noon | TV TBD | Theme: The Goodell

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Let’s try this one again. We will gather to celebrate all things Goodell: engagement rings, washing whales, Mike Irish, boloney sandwiches, boiled and unseasoned chicken wings, engagement rings, dumb tattoos, Northwest Airlines crew members, leg wrestling, little people, root beer, engagement rings, 8/8/08, pig’s asses, chicken broil, meaningless touchdowns in the Silverdome, and engagement rings.

10/26/2019: Notre Dame | TBD | TV TBD | Theme: The Churrasco


Arby’s ain’t got nothing on me. I HAVE THE MEATS. Plan is for swords adorned with tasty animal parts as far as the eye can see. But me thinks this will be under the lights, so expect a meaty second meal, or maybe just a continuous flow of skewers as the day progresses. Reminder to keep the green side of your table card up and only losers fill up on the salad bar.

11/16/2019: MSU | TBD | TV TBD | Theme: The Thanksgiving


Sure, I toyed with the idea of a Basset Hound theme, with a Nassar impersonator leading a crowd of people in a game of Lou Anna Simon Says, but it all seemed inappropriate. It’s been too long since our last fried turkey tailgate, so let’s gather and be thankful that we in fact are not fans of Michigan State. Oh, and a big birthday to celebrate with this one too. Man, everybody seems to be catching up to Dogan.

11/30/2019: OSU | Noon | Fox | Theme: STFU and Win

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