Boiling the Boilermakers

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Three Turkeys, Then a Team Full of Them

40 pounds of turkey. Deep fried in all of their splendor. That's what was digested at the tailgate on Saturday in the 7+ hour marathon prior to the game. Fried mushrooms and fried dill pickles on the side, plus the Schaffer dumplings with bean soup, the Goodell family's barely soup, mashed potatoes, cheesy potatoes...and countless other delicious delights. It all filled the tables to capacity as we tried to stay warm and stay dry.

Then Michigan jumped out to a 14-0 lead, and you couldn't have been warmer or dryer. Not enough to call it a game, but that feeling was there. That dominating the Big Ten feeling. The team was back, led by a terrific hard hitting defense that lacked its most storied player, Marlin Jackson. In his absense, the defense stunted and confused the outmatched Boilermakers, scoring on a fumble recovery to close out the rout, and letting up only 3 points to the Big Ten's #3 offense. Michgan wins 31-3.

Don't get yourself all worked up just yet. Better yet, hold off on your Pasendena reservations. Purdue, as is normally the case, is not a great team. The only Purdue win you pointed to going into this game was against Wisconsin, who just this week lost to Northwestern. NORTHWESTERN? PLEEEEASE DON'T MAKE ME WORRY ABOUT NORTHWESTERN! Purdue had excelled against the weakest of the Big Ten with wins over Illinois and Penn State, and non-conference wins against Pac-10 bottom-feeder Arizona, Wake Forest, and Notre Dame...and don't forget about their loss to Bowling Green. So, let me be as clear as I can about this: The fact that we spanked Purdue to give them their first Big Ten loss DOES NOT mean anything with regards to the impending game against Michigan State. Simply put, we are not going to beat Sparty based on the fact we beat Purdue.

Destiny Revisited

First of all, why didn't anybody call me out for misspelling "destiny" on last week's page? No matter, step one is done, and 2 and 1/2 steps remain on the way to a Rose Bowl bid. When the BCS standings come out on Monday evening, you can expect Ohio State, Michigan State, and most likely Michigan to appear there. As if a round-robin tournament, all three of these teams play each other, with the winner most likely headed for the Rose Bowl. Stay tuned...it doesn't get any better than this.

Up Next...Sparty

Michigan Agricultural College and its band of thugs invite us into their crap-hole city to help settle the Big Ten Championship. This week's theme is : The "You Want Fries With That?" tailgate. Bring the fast food of your choice, breakfast, lunch, White Castle...whatever floats your boat. UMTailgate.com will be well represented and in our usual Sparty spot. For information on where we will be parking, contact me at frank@umtailgate.com. Hope to see you all there!

How To Beat Michigan in Six Easy Steps

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Rules of the Game

Dear Big Ten Schools That Are Perennial Bottom to Middle Feeders Within Our Conference:

Please print and use this guide as necessary before inviting the Wolverines to your domain. This is a list of what to do if you would like to beat the Wolverines and other travelling foes.

#1. Don't Piss Off Your Away Fans. At Michigan, and at every other Big Ten stadium which I have attended (which only leaves Minnesota's Metrodome) fans of either team are actually allowed into the stadium. In Boilerville, Michigan fans were corralled into high school bleachers, unreachable through the actual stadium, and with it's own gate. The concession stand was slightly smaller than the one we have at Riverview High School, and was run by a group of people that we're obviously left-overs from the long defunct Jack-In-The-Box franchise and we're lucky enough to find gainful employment in West Lafayette. Getting a soda only took me from Michigan's half-ending field goal to three-minutes into the third quarter. The only good thing about it is that I didn't have to endure the parading around of the so-called 'World's Biggest Drum'. Eight feet in diameter, 4 feet wide and at least 10 feet high on its mount, the drum requires four band members to pull it and two to pound on it. However, the real 'World's Largest Drum' is the is the Ireland Millennium Drum, which has a diameter of 15.49 ft and is 6.28 ft deep. Meanwhile, Purdue can continue to debate if it even has the largest drum in college football, with Texas boasting the same claim.

So yes, the stadium experience was less than par. Couple that with the fact that parking is only allowed starting three hours before kickoff, and is limited, other than some key areas 3/4 mile plus from the gate (our private gate, that is) and you've got yourself a problem.

#2. Think Before You Renovate. If you've been to eye-sore that is Ross-Ade in the past, you may welcome the fact that they're two-thirds of the way into a stadium renovation. Luckily, the special entrance we were privied to was on a side that had been completed. In other words, they had bricked-in the concrete with the rust stains, and built a new press-box with what is called 'Club-Seating'. This 'Club-Seating' can be likened to your typical suite in a professional stadium. These seats are for the Purdue faithful that wish to come and celebrate their 511- 443- 48 all time record, and their staggering number of Big Ten Titles, eight, which is just good enough to tie them with Northwestern for 7th place all-time. I heard some great things about the Ross-Ade renovation, more concessions, more bathrooms, etc. These things sound great, unfortunately, I wasn't allowed into the rest of the stadium to see these things. I had an away fan ticket.

Hopefully, the renovation isn't also an expansion. Well into gametime, thousands of seats stood empty....for arguably the biggest home game of the season.

#3. Unless you are Notre Dame, you should never allow your team to wear, and/or have, an alternate uniform. Especially a khaki colored one.

#4. The scoreboard is to be used for informational purposes, the audio system is for your PA announcer, and the video screen suplements the game coverage with the occasional replay. The scoreboard should not be used to garner enthusiasm that your team, fans, and band fail to create by showing clips of 'Braveheart', and asking your fans to 'Make Some Noise' or in this case, 'Boiler Up'. In addition, do not play progressive metal when your team enters the field. Was that Marilyn Manson? John Purdue is rolling over in his grave right now. In addition, try to get a PA announcer with a deep, commanding-voice. The whiny kid you have isn't worthy of your new press box.

#5. If your quarterback is demolishing the competition, leave him in. 'Nuff said. The subbing of Kyle Orton for Brandon Kirsch was probably the biggest coaching faux pas of the weekend aside from Bobby Williams getting to coach at all.

#6. T-shirts containing the F-Bomb followed by your opponents name are strictly prohibited. Bubba found one after the game.

All Things Considered

Hey, you have tp give credit where credit is due. Purdue gave the Wolverines everything they could handle. Change the fate of a couple of field goals and you would have changed the outcome. Purdue stood tall stopping the Wolverines in short yardage situations all day long. More importantly, they did it in key situations. Thus the reason the Wolverines amassed 420 yards, but only 23 points en route to the 23-21 victory in West Lafayette on Saturday.

Up Next: The Hawkeyes for Homecoming and Tuggy's update on Thursday. Stay tuned.

GO BLUE!!!

The Webmaster

Homecoming

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Michigan Manhandles Boilermakers
Friends and family returned to Ann Arbor to see the Wolverines defeat Purdue 24-10. The golf course was closed, so we were forced to relocate for the first time since 1997. We gathered at the home of Tuna and didn't miss a beat. Captain Michigan collected his winnings from the Bin Lotto and promptly donated it to the City of Ann Arbor in the form of parking fees.

I apologize for the brief update... more to come next week...
FDWM