How the West Can Be Won


The dust has settled from selection Sunday.  Sparty took a second look at their bracket and has decided it’s not so bad until they play Duke.  Michigan fans are giddy with the “favored until Gonzaga and Gonzaga rarely makes it that far” scenario they find themselves in.  Is Duke the only thing in the way of a 4th time is the charm scenario?

I feel so damn confident...which is a surefire sign of impending doom, or at least chaos.  Here’s hoping that chaos will be around us, not bestowed upon us.

Last time they disrespected the Big Ten by not giving them a purportedly deserved 1-seed, that team went out and shit the bed in a historic manner.  That same team is doing a lot of whining today, and instead they should probably be thinking about the Braves.

Meanwhile back in Ann Arbor, we’ve taken a “we don’t match up well” approach to the thrice beating by Little Bro, which is sad, or optimistic, or something other than reality, which is that this team, who was the last to lose, who manhandled NC and Villanova, and who had only 3 losses to non-Nasser based teams, has problems that need to be solved.  

And in the words defensive genius 80% of the time Don Brown, I think we can solve those problems with aggression.

More Teske, a little Castleton...some post stuff.  Settle for the off chance of getting blocked inside rather than an off balance three or stupid long two. I refuse to believe we can’t get it down low.  And more Livers in general.  And more plays to get Poole open.  And score more points.  And give up less points.  And let me speak to the team before games.

And I’ll see you bastards in Minny. 

2019 Tournament Challenge


Not enjoying the weekend’s lately. Feels like the end of football season.

It sucks to have your only victory of the weekend being that The Fighting Nassar’s have a real shitty draw.

I’ve had enough so let’s go win this whole damn thing and celebrate something.

If you’ve been in the pool before you should have got the email, if not shoot me a note at

That’s A Record

Nine straight Big Ten tournament wins for Michigan, the most by any team ever.  Yes, it’s tournament time folks, and despite the overarching meaninglessness of a conference tournament when you are on the cusp of a 2-seed in the tourney that matters, I’m interested in hanging out as long as possible to get Charles his game legs and a third shot at Nassar. 

So let’s pretend we are playing Rick instead of Richard and avenge Trey’s clean block of 2013 that never happened because they cheated and Richard cheats too and let’s fucking go.  THATS A RUN ON SENTANCE AND SERIOUSLY LETS FUCKING GO.

I'm Not Force-feeding Myself a Steak At 4:30 to Save A Couple Bucks: An Iowa Preview

The above is in reference to the fact that I’m old, and I’m going to bed with Iowa up 10 with 15 min to play. So if it’s Illinois, fill in your own Lovie Smith jokes here.

The thing about Iowa is, it’s like a cult. The whole state. People born and raised within the state lines cannot function outside of its corn filled confines. It’s hard to put a finger on it, what it is exactly that makes it weird, but there’s no doubt it is weird. Some kind of mix of alien body snatching and incest. Everyone there has a face with a “you can’t know my struggle” look on it. I think if challenged significantly, the people of Iowa can join bodies to make a single giant being, like a Godzilla, or an Attack of the 50 foot women type situation. “Interesting trades” are the preferred form of currency.

But about the basketball team. The coach’s son plays on the team, which is weird. 75% of their players look like Buddy from Hoosiers. Oh and they beat Michigan by 1000 in Iowa City. How did they do it?

1) Michigan was coming off an emotional home win over OSU where the cockles of the hearts of all in attendance were warmed by several arena echoing renditions of a “Fuck Ohio” chant. Michigan’s arms were sore from patting themselves on the back.

2) Iowa went on a 21-2 run in a 3(!) minute span of the first half

3) Michigan died by the three. UM had 2 more three pointers than Iowa on the night…but it took NINETEEN MORE SHOTS. 8/33 vs 6/14.

4) Out-rebounded, out-hustled, committed more fouls…basically both MSU games.

5) The team water and food provided by Iowa contained bacteria and spores not found outside of Iowa and of which non-Iowa based life forms cannot properly process, thus causing illness and dehydration.

Here comes the run. Three games, three days. Go Blue.

Way Back When-sday Pic of the Week Knows Where The Road Will End


November 10, 2008: The look of pain you see there is real. It was a rough night in the Twin Cities. Baby Gorilla, Godfather and I all piled on some diner breakfast that morning, and two of us managed to keep it down. Later, 5 KC Lopata field goals helped propel Nick Sheridan and the Wolverines past the Gophers 29-6.

I will be having breakfast there again on April 6 if you want to join me.