Watch As 17-year Old Kids Dramatically Pick Up Hats

Two high school All-American games are being broadcast this weekend, and a whole slew of Michigan hopefuls are in action.  Watch with bated breath as someone will shun us, someone will surprise us, and someone will embark on the road to becoming the next Anton Campbell.  Varsity Blue has a list of interested teens that you should print out and adorn with check marks draw lines through as each makes their decision LIVE during breaks in the Pro-Bowl-like action.  Just kidding.  You actually shouldn't even watch because signing day is actually over a month away, and until pen hits paper, you really don't know.

Because you can't trust someone that hasn't had lap dance.

US Army All-American Bowl, January 3rd at noon, NBC

ESPNU Underarmour All-America High School Football Game, January 4th at 2pm, ABC

...And Ten Things To Be Happy About From 2008

Looks like the Big Ten might be the conference of suck for the Bowl season.  Plus, the last of the possible rooting interests in the Big Ten for yours truly just folded like a tent against The Dynasty, so the only thing left to do?  Get in a full blown "who gives a shit" mindset and dig up my Longhorns Final Four hat from NOLA.  Why?  Because we went 3-8...and arguments about how good the Big Ten is doesn't include teams that are at home for the New Year.  The future will take care of itself, just ask Stew.

Moving on...here are 10 things from 2008 that persuaded you to slit your wrists across the vein instead of along the vein:

10.  8/15/08:  The Big Ten Network premiers on Comcast, giving you an option when you are on your third straight hour of the same episode of Sportscenter.

9.  2/28/08:  Kevin Borseth puts Michigan Women's Basketball on the map!

8.  8/31/08: Michigan gets a commitment from Tate Forcier, who, if it were permissible by NCAA rules, would've started over Sheridan and Threet as a 17 year old high school senior.

7.  11/20/08: Michigan Basketball beats #4 UCLA in the semi-finals of the 2K Sports Classic in New York.

6.  3/29/08:  Michigan Hockey, coming off of a CCHA championship, knocks off Niagra and Clarkson in Albany to advance to the Frozen Four.

5.  11/8/08: After the hook and lateral debacle at the hands of the Boilermakers, and with absolutely nothing to play for, Michigan engineered spread perfection and defensive genius, if only for one game, in a 29-6 rout of the Golden Gophers in Minneapolis.  Plus...beer served in stands!  We say a sad goodbye to the Metrodome, where we never lost.

4.  10/4/08:  UMTailgate.com gets its first corporate sponsorship, partnering with Cholula hot sauce to spice up tailgating on Ann Arbor Golf and Outing.  Subsequently, we get featured in the Detroit Free Press.

3.  9/27/08:  Michigan erases a 19-0 deficit in the first half, rallying to defeat Wisconsin 27-25 in the Big Ten opener.

2.  12/6/08:  Michigan Basketball defeats Duke for the first time since 1997.  The 81-73 final score exactly matches the score from the game 11 years earlier, and helps get Michigan to its 10th win before Big Ten play commences, and also to crack the top 25.

1.  1/1/08:  Seems like a million years ago...but only 365 days have passed since Michigan defeated Florida 41-35 in the Citrus Bowl.  Lloyd was carried off of the field and into Michigan Football lore, as Michigan increased its dominance over the SEC, moving their record to 19-5-1 all time against the "speed" of the south.