The Weekly Report By Tuggy: October 31, 2002

The Weekly Report by Tuggy

"Give him his due", a quote associated with the Dallas Cowboys in the past is now relevant again. I know that since my audience is highly concentrated with Lion and Bear fans that my initial ethos is quite low, but we should not downplay the tremendous accomplishments of Emmitt Smith III. The antagonists want to argue that ES played for a much better team than others and want to wine and cry why Emmitt is not the best ever. Here are some less statistical reasons, but never the less important to fans like us.

Lets start with the antics of the former Detroiter Barry Sanders, well it may be true that his team was quite sub par when compared to the Cowboys but where is Barry now? First he goes and lies about his celibacy then he leaves the game for no good reason. Besides the trouble his helmet seemed to be causing to his Afro, I see no other reason as to why he left. Advantage Mr. Smith. Emmitt has been honest to his fans and has kept himself well groomed, and of course he has not quit, even though his team is now depleted.

What about Jim Brown, he would have had more yards if he had not left the NFL in his prime? Brown was outstanding on the field but he is a full throttle racist and that automatically disqualifies him, advantage Emmitt. The Double Deuce probably doesn’t like a lot of white people either but at least he is a class act on and off the football field.

How about the great Eric Dickerson? He was an amazing running back in his day. He is also credited with revolutionizing the use of sports goggles. In doing so he looked like a super dork with those "Rec Specs" and therefore loses a ton of credibility. Emmitt's only jewelry consists of his 3 Super Bowl Championship rings. Advantage #22.

OJ Simpson could be near the top of all lists but because his wife was doing drugs with Pedro Guerrero for 3 days he decided it was time for her to go, which pretty much makes him ineligible. Advantage Smith.

How about another marvelous Cowboy, Tony Dorsett, unfortunately he left the Cowboys late in his career and his own son goes by Anthony instead of Tony, which makes him a weak candidate even though I love him very much. Advantage Emmitt.

How about this for a conclusion to a Hall of Fame Speech, “I am going to close by saying life is short, it is oh so sweet. There are a lot of people that we meet as we walk through these hallowed halls, but the things that mean the most are the friendships that you meet and take along with you. Those words touch and inspire all us, they remind me how much I appreciate all of your friendships. By the way those are the words of "Sweetness", the late Walter Payton. It is hard to topple Walter from the top but the classy Emmitt does not even try, rather he speaks about Payton, "He was not big in stature but extraordinary in performance. And his passion and love for the game were incredible. I looked at him and saw a reflection of what I wanted to be, what I still want to be." Nicely put Walter and Emmitt.

The rest of the pack would undoubtedly include Gayle Sayers, Franco Harris, and Marcus Allen. All superstars of their respective days, all possibly more talented and physically gifted, but what does it take to be the greatest?

Here is a look at my top criteria;

1. Team Success - Emmitt takes the cake here, three super bowl rings with Dallas!

2. Yardage - Obviously Emmitt has the most.

3. Finishing - Emmitt does not quit until he get to "the house" which is why he is the all time leader in NFL touchdowns.

4. Intangibles - Emmitt has been loyal to the Cowboys, has stayed modest and humble throughout all his accomplishment and has been able to stay on the field by gritting it out even when he was injured.

All I can say is "How bout that Cowboy." Congrats Emmitt.

Here we go again, it is rivalry week for the state of Michigan. Yes its true the Pirates from Riverview get a chance at redemption with their arch rivals Grosse Ile this Friday night in the high school football playoffs. Make us proud Bucs!

Of course that is only the appetizer, as we must welcome the Spartans to the Big House on Saturday. As many of you know, I am not as anti-MSU as most Wolverines but obviously I want us to win this and every time we meet in head to head competition. (Although I realize the impossibility in our current hoop situation). What concerns me is how the U of M contingent has been approaching our recent contests with the E. Lansing opponents and here is why. MSU is having one of the worst seasons possible, they were picked to finish at the top of the Big 10 and even dubbed National Title contenders. Since those preseason days everything has fallen into the gutter for the green and white and it is looking like one of the biggest disasters in college football history. Their coaches are awful and have lost control. Their players are in trouble off the field and fighting amongst one another on the field. Not even the sinister trigger finger of "Spartan Bob" has been able to save them. With all that figuring into the picture, I ask you, "Why are we all scared to death about this weeks game??" We have allowed them to get into our heads and we must end it immediately. This game should be over before this update is uploaded. We need to eliminate the uncertainty and everyone from UMTailgate, all the way on up to Coach Carr, needs to regain that killer instinct. Winning by less than three touchdowns is not an option, State is and always will be our bitches and we need to carry that confidence with us. Say what you will, but MSU is a talented team and will be as ready as ever but we should be the dominant team. Them being excited for the rivalry should not be a factor, U of M should set the tone early on. We are still hanging on to the BCS and not fading towards the Motor City Bowl. So all of you spread the word and new attitude, we will prevail on Saturday by a substantial margin. Not this webmaster win by 7 points crap. To lead by example, I am going to tell you all that if we win by less than 21 points, I am not going to travel to Minnesota, and yes I do know that you can buy and drink beer during the game at the Metrodome, so do not even try to tempt me. Get on the Maize and Blue ship because the Tugboat is showing you the way!

I leave you this week with an issue that saddens my heart. The problem is that I could have ended this update with no mention of this event and none of you would have batted an eyelash. That is the pathetic state of our former national pastime, and the fact that I almost forgot the World Series is embarrassing. I know Tuba usually keeps us in touch with his work and his Yankees. However with a West Coast match-up we, and much of the country, were not tuned in. What concerns me is that the problem runs far deeper than this years Series. When I was growing up and playing little league my 11-12 year old league had 10 teams all from the same town. This very same town, with the same number of youngsters, struggles to field one team a year now. You can site the emergence of other sports such as soccer in the Midwest and hockey is more popular than ever in "Hockeytown". What about all these skateboarders, rollerbladers and the creation of the "X" Games, they are all factors I am sure. However the underlying loss of interest in baseball seems to be a microcosm of our American society. A sport that calls for teamwork in every step of the way is being passed over for individual sports, what a shame. A sport that requires patience and strategy is being traded for games that are immediate and spontaneous, a double shame. A sport that has been the longstanding backbone of summer is being thrown away for flash in the pan fads that lack almost all the ingredients of a true game. How sickening, how pathetic, but that's what us Americans act like so why is it surprising? Should they shorten the season, contract teams, lower salaries, or share profits? I don't know if anything can bring it back, lets just hope. Maybe Trammel and Gibby and Parrish can restore the roar to this town and this fan but until then I will be missing the fall classic. What a travesty.

Tugboat, (Guiding you through rivalry week and back into the Big House!)

The Weekly Report by Tuggy: October 23, 2002

This weekend the troops had a successful weekend in West Layfayette. UMTailgate was well represented with a group of around 10. Once again the rough and tumble Big Ten Football Conference proved that there are no cupcake games. The Wolverines had to scratch and claw their way out of Ross-Aide Stadium with a narrow victory. Speaking of scratching and clawing, lets talk about cats as house pets. I have heard of some folk are dog people and some are cat people but I still cannot figure this thing out. I for one wouldn't quarter either type of animal but cats and their masters continue to baffle me. First of all they are very mysterious beasts, they seem to generate absolute power over their owners and live the life of luxury. After all the years of progress human civilization has made, it amazes me the number of people who still feel it is necessary to clean up the feces of another species. I just don't understand. Then these cats live a life of deceit and hiding, I observed a group of cats this weekend and was told by the proprietors, “Oh, they only come out when they are hungry. Now let me get this straight, the two main pleasures the cat owner gets are; buying expensive food to feed the cat and then shoveling its dump out of a freshly scented box of synthetic sand. As a matter of fact, in 48 hours I didn't even see all four cats this family owned, but I saw that they ate several cans of food and dropped off quite a few loads. With all that enjoyment it's a wonder why we don't all have cats. Another thing is that cats come off as very unpredictable and frankly they scare the crap out of me. They appear out of nowhere much like David Copperfield, stare you in the eye with a look that says, "One false move buddy and I will tear your eyes out™. I don't know if I am supposed to pet them or ignore them or what, I need to get more information about the cat playing protocol. Now I would agree that cats can be very beautiful, and maybe that justifies taking one in, but it would take one gorgeous pussy to get me to go to such ends.

Speaking of pussies, some of the tailgate family got together this weekend to watch our favorite football cats, the Lions. Last week the team president compares them to The Lion from the Wizard of Oz and they respond by muscling out a win against the Bears. It took a few breaks but what a big step in the right direction for the Motor City team. As we looked on from the friendly confines of the Godfather's it was apparent the old fellow became torn between whom he wanted to win. At first he cheered for The Bears, which seem to have become his adopted team, but then when Lions nearly lost because of their usual stupidity and the health of his television set became an imminent issue, he started to think it wouldn't be so bad if the Bears lost. Actually we all remained pretty calm and had a great time in Stubensville. Much thanks to the entire Moore family for providing food, shelter, and great entertainment!

How about the sniper duo, I thought Jamaica produced laid-back individuals who liked funk music and a good doobie. Now how unfortunate it is for our nation that the only known people out of Jamaica now include the son of sniper and a groundbreaking bobsled team. I am still confused about both situations????

And alas this week we have our Homecoming. Allegedly the University of Illinois invented the tradition, but that is more than a bit suspect. Let us prepare for some scrumptious treats and a Halloweenish decor. Surely there will be plenty of Cuba Libras to go around!

Remember, we are not here a long time so we better keep on having a good time!

TugboatJ