The Weekly Report by Tuggy: October 23, 2002

This weekend the troops had a successful weekend in West Layfayette. UMTailgate was well represented with a group of around 10. Once again the rough and tumble Big Ten Football Conference proved that there are no cupcake games. The Wolverines had to scratch and claw their way out of Ross-Aide Stadium with a narrow victory. Speaking of scratching and clawing, lets talk about cats as house pets. I have heard of some folk are dog people and some are cat people but I still cannot figure this thing out. I for one wouldn't quarter either type of animal but cats and their masters continue to baffle me. First of all they are very mysterious beasts, they seem to generate absolute power over their owners and live the life of luxury. After all the years of progress human civilization has made, it amazes me the number of people who still feel it is necessary to clean up the feces of another species. I just don't understand. Then these cats live a life of deceit and hiding, I observed a group of cats this weekend and was told by the proprietors, “Oh, they only come out when they are hungry. Now let me get this straight, the two main pleasures the cat owner gets are; buying expensive food to feed the cat and then shoveling its dump out of a freshly scented box of synthetic sand. As a matter of fact, in 48 hours I didn't even see all four cats this family owned, but I saw that they ate several cans of food and dropped off quite a few loads. With all that enjoyment it's a wonder why we don't all have cats. Another thing is that cats come off as very unpredictable and frankly they scare the crap out of me. They appear out of nowhere much like David Copperfield, stare you in the eye with a look that says, "One false move buddy and I will tear your eyes out™. I don't know if I am supposed to pet them or ignore them or what, I need to get more information about the cat playing protocol. Now I would agree that cats can be very beautiful, and maybe that justifies taking one in, but it would take one gorgeous pussy to get me to go to such ends.

Speaking of pussies, some of the tailgate family got together this weekend to watch our favorite football cats, the Lions. Last week the team president compares them to The Lion from the Wizard of Oz and they respond by muscling out a win against the Bears. It took a few breaks but what a big step in the right direction for the Motor City team. As we looked on from the friendly confines of the Godfather's it was apparent the old fellow became torn between whom he wanted to win. At first he cheered for The Bears, which seem to have become his adopted team, but then when Lions nearly lost because of their usual stupidity and the health of his television set became an imminent issue, he started to think it wouldn't be so bad if the Bears lost. Actually we all remained pretty calm and had a great time in Stubensville. Much thanks to the entire Moore family for providing food, shelter, and great entertainment!

How about the sniper duo, I thought Jamaica produced laid-back individuals who liked funk music and a good doobie. Now how unfortunate it is for our nation that the only known people out of Jamaica now include the son of sniper and a groundbreaking bobsled team. I am still confused about both situations????

And alas this week we have our Homecoming. Allegedly the University of Illinois invented the tradition, but that is more than a bit suspect. Let us prepare for some scrumptious treats and a Halloweenish decor. Surely there will be plenty of Cuba Libras to go around!

Remember, we are not here a long time so we better keep on having a good time!