F@$% the Irish

​by Tuba

It's confusing to a lot of people, how I can say openly and willingly that I'm a Notre Dame hater. So much so, and much to the chagrin of most at our tailgate, that I loathe them more than Ohio State. There's slight hypocrisy involved considering the uppity nature and high brow fandom that our University has been known to pump out, but I find the Irish intolerable, snobby, pretentious, egomaniacal, smell of their own shit loving, my religion is better than yours claiming, douche bags.

I generally like the Irish as a nationality. They enjoy what I enjoy. Being loud and drinking. They have marvelous poems, songs and limericks and they're a humorous bunch. But not when they're the Fighting Irish of Notre Dame. It seems so incredibly contradictory to what I know the Irish to be. First and foremost, the school is founded on the basis of one religion. The Irish, traditionally have two, Catholic and Protestant (just don't bring it up in conversation and most certainly don't order the wrong kind of whiskey!) In order to be fair and not single out Notre Dame for their promotion of homogeny, let me say that I tend to be fanatical about not be fanatical (unless of course its about Michigan football). So to promote one ideology as the best ideology bothers me.

Second, they're a private institution. Private funding equals agendas. Whoa, whoa, whoa you say. Every higher institution, in some way or another is agenda driven. And public schools get plenty of private funding. However, when you get taxpayer dollars involved, the institution immediately becomes a natural part of the community. What?!? the Notre Dame alum exclaims. We're South Bend and South Bend is us. And I say, "Yes, my point exactly."

Frankly, by writing this column I am contradicting the very essence of my hatred for Notre Dame. I am being completely condescending and pretentious. I can't deny this. Sadly, Michigan maintains some of the same attributes that Notre Dame does. A majority of our fan base enjoys a fine Riesling or Chenin Blanc with their Roquefort but alas, we have diversity. We also have our fair share of beer drinkers, whiskey swillers, Boone's Farm lovers and certainly non-believers. But what really gets me, what truly breaks my fricking hump is the contract extension given to Charlie Weis; the absolutely obnoxious handling of their coaching situation after the brief and swift dismissal of Coach Willingham.

Was Tyrone a good coach? Eh, I'm not sure; they only gave him three years. Is Charlie Weis a good coach? Eh, I'm not sure but he's gotten five. Their winning percentages are separated by 5 thousandth of a point. Coach Willingham's best year came with Coach Davie's players. Coach Weis's best years came with Coach Willingham's players. To compare them on this page is futile. Neither are world beaters. But one is rich beyond belief and the other is bouncing around college football (despite the one with the job being the actual man that can physically bounce.) My beef is with the contract extension. I heard it from all directions and from every Notre Dame fan I encountered: Charlie has NFL experience! He made Tom Brady the quarterback he is today! He deserves the 10 year contract!

10 year contract?! Did you just hear the record skip?! They gave Charlie Weis a 10 year fucking contract halfway through his first season with Tyrone Willingham's players. Here's the opening line from the AP article:

SOUTH BEND, Indiana -- It took Notre Dame football coach Charlie Weis only seven games to earn a new contract.

SERIOUSLY?! Now they're stuck. They gave him a ridiculously irresponsible contract and if there really is a fair and honest god, he should be punished for stealing. However, had Charlie Weis been black he wouldn't have been in this position. How do I know? Because Tyrone Willingham was in the same position. In fact, Tyrone lead the Irish to a #4 ranking including an 8-0 start in his first year with wins over #7 Michigan and #11 Florida State! Weis was 5-2 through his first seven games! I mean, where do you come up with the logic to even start explaining this rationality?! Absurd. Absolutely absurd. They deserve everything they have coming to them. Including another ass whopping at the hands of Michigan.

Midweek Roundup: Bacon is Good For You Edition, 9/9/09

*Angel discusses focusing following a marquis victory.  From Brandon Graham...

"This is just step one," Graham said. "We've got to get ready for Notre Dame."

*Rittenburg discusses Michigan moving past the drama.  From Obi...

"We worked hard over the summer, and this is the outcome," Ezeh said. "You don't need to hear it from us. You don't need to ask any more questions. Just watch the game."

*In former Sparty news, the Lions have sued Charles Rogers for $6.1 million

 in signing bonuses now that he will forever be known as the second biggest bust in NFL draft history behind Ryan Leaf.

*Manny Harris has been named to Fox's All-American second team according to AnnArbor.com.

*If KFC's double down sandwich is not enough for you, you should try the quadruple down sandwich.

*You too can play Michigan Football.  Rich Rodriguez is holding open tryouts on Sept 16th.

*More poetic ramblings from RBUAS.

*The Wall Street Journal discusses the predictable unpredictability of the Michigan-Notre Dame matchup.

It's so unpredictable it's actually predictable: Expect the favorite to struggle. Over the last 20 matchups, the favorite in the Notre Dame-Michigan game is 8-11-1. Against the point spread, the favorite is 3-17, meaning it failed to win by the margin set by Las Vegas oddsmakers almost every time.

*A Sporting News preview of Michigan - Notre Dame.

Michigan leads the series 20-15-1 and has an 11-7 edge in Ann Arbor, including 38-0 victories in 2003 and 2007. The Irish have lost nine of their last 12 road openers.

We Got Fun and Games: Michigan 31, Western Michigan 7

A new dawn.

After a tumultuous Friday that had me freaking out due to poor tailgate preparation, I was awakened from my "evening nap" and popped up off the couch to the alarm on my new cell phone, a simultaneous phone call from an online wake up service, and eventually the alarm on Tuba's phone. I gave him the obligatory "I'm good," showered, shaved, put on my morning load-the-car clothes, and took off in Johnny Cleveland's truck on a mission to get a propane exchange from a gas station in Ypsi. I had already made arrangements to get the exchange with the clerk back at 2am the previous evening. It was now 6am. He remembered me, and he apologized for not being able to attend to me earlier in the evening, which to him was "earlier in his shift," but for me was "last night." I wondered what this guy must be thinking. Probably not that I was helping to host 100+ at a party that was to start in 90 minutes in the shadows of the largest college football stadium in the world. I added two bags of ice to my order, one to freshen the beer cooler, and one for the 100 kabobs and 8 pounds of bacon in the food cooler.

A new day.

Parking wasn't perfect at our new home, but given the circumstances, it went pretty smoothly. From the time the fires were lit on the grill and stove, I remember very few details of the 8-hour marathon tailgate. There were a lot of hugs, a lot of food, and a whole lot of people. Perhaps the smaller venue contributed to how crowded things were, but there's no doubt people came out of the woodwork to see where the group who spent 15 years on the 7th green of Ann Arbor Golf and Outing had moved, and how we would adjust. In short, we did well...maybe even very well. I even managed to drink a little.

We did a half pack up of loose equipment at around 3pm, and I left the tailgate at 3:10pm. I arrived at my gate at 3:20pm, high fived the fine event staff as I jumped the line, and was in my seat by 3:25pm. Ya, the tailgate is that close. After another round of hello-how-ya-been hugs with the section regulars, it was time to put the gameface on.

A new life.

Three-and-out. Forcier to Hemmingway. 7-0. Denard on a broken play, laces dangling, 14-0. Forcier to a wide open Koger, 21-0. I'd like to say that I remember how it used to feel, but I don't. This was different. We hadn't had our backs against the wall in this manner since before I cared this much...before National Championships were considered the goal, before the BCS, and before Lloyd Carr was beloved. A losing season does something to a fan, to a man. Especially when you've NEVER had one. When you long for victory, ANY victory, putting a team away before halftime is such a relief, such bliss, that you're not sure what to do. At 21-0, with the student section leading 100,000 in a chant of Rich-Rod-ri-guez, it was all I could do to hold back tears of joy. Michigan still has a long way to go to get to where they want to go. That won't happen this year. But it might be sooner than later that they make their way back to where they were. What was considered the ceiling on Friday night, might have become the floor on Sunday morning.

A rousing chorus of The Victors, a piped in Welcome to the Jungle, a well executed wave, and a group of men that are probably too young to realize that they changed our lives, if only for a week.

Western Michigan Theme Alert: Boats, Ho's, and The Catalina Wine Mixer

Western Michigan: A Bullet Point Preview Without Bullets

​Negativity...

Yes, Western Michigan is from the MAC. Yes, Western Michigan has a 30,000 seat stadium. But they are not necessarily a crappy program. WMU ranks 48th all time in winning percentage. And while that is nearly the textbook definition of middle of the pack, let me throw a few teams at you that they rank above...

Texas Tech
Oregon
Missouri
Iowa
Illinois

And ya, they've padded their record in a mid-major, but they also beat Illinois last year in Detroit. And they are undefeated (2-0) against Iowa, knocking them off in 2007 and 2000. They have four all-time wins against the Big Ten, and three of those wins have occurred this decade. That puts them at 3-8 in their last 11 against Big Ten opponents, yet 2-2 against Big Ten competition under their current coach, Bill Cubit. In short, they are not coming here to lay down. They are not here for the half-million dollars we paid them to travel 100 miles. They are here to win. They are here to knock off a Wolverine team that, while wounded, still provides the opportunity for a signature victory for an upstart program.

Further proving that the Broncos are peaking...with aspect to overall history...is that they are a program that has only been to 4 bowl games in their 104 year history, and two of those have come in the last two seasons.  That makes WMU's bowl streak longer than ours.  Ugh.

The Broncos broke or tied several records last year, including wins, touchdowns, pass completions, and passing yards.  I'm thinking they will be testing our young secondary.  I'm also thinking that if Michigan's offense has their shit together, the OVER will be a pretty solid bet.

Positivity...

Rich Rodriguez is no stranger to the Broncos, as his Mountaineers hosted WMU back on September 1, 2007. West Virginia, led by 4 Slaton TDs, routed the Broncos 62-24.

Michigan is 4-0 all time against Western, including victories of 35-13 and 38-21 in 2002 and 2001 respectively.

Western Michigan hasn't won an opener against a Division 1-A opponent since 1998.

Random Facts...

Our tailgate leader, the Godfather, attended Western Michigan.  Other famous alumni include John Saunders, Tim Allen, Bill Lajoie (Detroit Tiger's GM in 1984) and Stephen Lynch.

Western Michigan is the home to the International Congress on Medieval Studies, with means they play a lot of LAIRE.

Western Michigan will also face Indiana and Michigan State this season.

A cubit is a unit of measurement found in Egyptian history and in the Bible.  It is also Western Michigan's Football coach's last name.  It is said to equal twelve palms, or about 45 centimeters.  You are all now smarter.