Way Back When-sday Pic of the Week
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The UMTailgate crew gathers for our first pre-game ever at Pioneer HS before Michigan defeated UCONN 30-10. Game page is here.
Not "When" But "If"
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I’m not certain if they “came out flat,” but after spotting 14-points to ND in South Bend, the air was definitely let out of the balloon. While never technically out of it, it feels more accurate to say they were never really in it. Even Ambry’s return didn’t get me all tingly, especially since I was still fuming over the momentum curbing sack on 2nd and goal from the 2 that left us with a field goal instead of what I feel would have been a game changer of a touchdown. But in general, Michigan didn’t look ready. Like they were in a new system and wanted us to bare with them during this transition. But this is not a transition year. This is not a young year. There’s nothing new. In fact, everything looked exactly the same as where we left it in Tampa. This is not what we’ve all been waiting for, which is something that doesn’t meld so well with offseason big talk and fancy trips to Europe. Continuing to say that you’re good when you’re not, or that you’ve improved when you haven’t, at some point catches up with you end up looking like the Iraqi defense minister.
And so it looks like the rumors of the shuttering of Ann Arbor Torch and Pitchfork have been greatly exaggerated…nearly as much as the narrative of a Return to Glory (Notre Dame TM) for Michigan football. Michigan has dropped 4 straight games, is 9-9 in their last 18, and hasn’t won a game of consequence in over a calendar year, right around the time of their last touchdown pass (seriously).
The natives are getting restless. This is disappointing at best, unacceptable at worst, and leads us down a road of compounding problems that make righting the ship difficult. Losses lead to criticism, criticism leads to an uncertain future coaching staff, uncertainty leads to recruiting issues, recruiting issues lead to losses…and round and round we go. The whole situation is enough to make you want to get drunk and tweet about 18-22 year olds.
While the defense was back on its heels for a good portion of Saturday, the more glaring problems are rooted in the offense, and more specifically the offensive line, a position that can’t be fixed with freshman, Shea Patterson, or apparently (though up for debate in a world of social media crowd-sourced Monday-morning quarterbacking) playcalling. Fortunately or unfortunately, over the next few weeks, the line will appear serviceable, perhaps even decent, as they face off against weaker opponents. Maybe that will help them gel as a unit, but more likely it will create a false sense of confidence leading up to hosting Wisconsin. And that’s assuming avoiding extra nails for the program’s coffin when we host Nebraska and go to Northwestern. It would be bordering on irresponsible to think that this team will look different by then. But that’s where the hope lies now, in what feels like the fat part of "not fucking likely."
Mental attitude of accepting losses has crept in. With every utterance of “our goals are still in font of us” the Wolverines get weaker. Can Michigan recover after trending down for so long? Can they get better even though all they’ve done since late 2015 is get worse?
Turning this around quickly will be the legacy of Jim Harbaugh now. While at hiring time championships were a matter of “when", now they are seemingly a matter of “if.” This is not the quick fix dominance that we desired. Those of us in the process of Staying for the last 15 years wonder just how long it might take to be Champions. But most of us will wait. And wait. Because it's tough to fathom the alternative. Scream all you want about his contract, his performance in "rivalry games," or his stubborn dedication to the offensive playbook. Jim Harbaugh is really the only person for this job.
Feeling trapped? Well keep your spirits up by remembering that the best seasons are born of low expectations, and this years expectations just got a swift kick in the dick.
Also, we best Penn State by 100 points in September a couple years ago and they went on to win the Big Ten. And OSU got rolled at home by Va Tech to start 2016 but went on to make the damn playoff.
Hey! Our goals ARE still in front of us you guys!
So let's have some fun, because in the end at least we didn't rape a basset hound. Everything else is gravy...sausage gravy. See you Saturday.
Way Back When-sday Pic of the Week
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September 7. 2013: It was the summer of Lennay Kekua, and the theme of the tailgate was catfish. The PA played the chicken dance as Michigan defeated Notre Dame 41-30 behind nearly 400 all-purpose yards and 5 TDs from Devin Gardner who donned the old 98 for the first time.
Way Back When-sday Pic of the Week
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September 14, 2008: It would take 6 turnovers to curse the Rodriguez-led Wolverines as they fell to a Notre Dame team coached by Charlie Weiss and helmed by Jimmy Clauson, 17-35. Of note, Sam McGuffie ran for 131 yards on 25 carries and had four catches for 47 yards and a touchdown. Game page here.
The Themes, The Themes, The Themes 2018
/So exited to announce that due to the plethora of comment cards I received from The Godfather, we will be completely Breakfast Hash Free in 2018! To replace the (what I thought was a UMTailgate tradition) hash, I will be working harder to get some more of Godfather's favorite foods on the menu: Basically, things easily digestible for old people, and that are easy for Pammy to hand spoon into his face.
The talking heads tell me we are but a month away from a pivotal season in Michigan Football history. By my calculations, this is the 21st consecutive such season. Whatever dudes. They're all pivotal. And they're disappointing on some level to 127 teams, so you're probably going to be pissy come December. But at least you'll be drunk and overweight. Here are the ways we plan to numb the pain, the 2018 UMTailgate.com Themes...
**All food, plans, and themes subject to change based on my personal whim and (likely lack of) motivation**
September 1, 2018 - AT Notre Dame 7:30PM, Theme: "Party at The Godfather's Daughter's"
You need to know somebody to be on the list for this event, which is the final straw with regards to the The Godfather's obvious retirement from doing anything tailgate related. This used to be his time to shine. He'd have all the undesirables over to his place and provide food, drinks, and even T-shirts! There'd be vomiting, fights, homeless people sleeping over, and typically a lot of disappointment. Now he's outsourced it to his daughter, who is trapped in a house divided on a piece of property sizable enough for all of us to pee (and vomit) outside.
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September 8, 2018 - Western Michigan, 12PM, Theme: The Pancake Breakfast
The home season opens with a nooner, so a breakfast theme is appropriate. It's probably the only game people will arrive early to, ya know, before they get bitter, bored and lazy. Pancake breakfasts are typically used as fundraising events, so it's time you all learned of my deep philanthropic ideals. The breakfast will support the #BassetHoundsToo movement, which keeps canines away from the prodding appendages of the people of East Lansing. Oooh, just think how excited Sparty is going to be that we are talking about them! "They recognize we exist you guys!" Preliminary food plan is: Pancakes, Bacon, fancy syrups and condiments, and probably a quick burger snack before we head in to help those abandoned Bronco bastards continue to un-row their boat.
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September 15, 2018 - SMU, 3:30PM, Theme: Low Country for Old Men
Low Country is a fancy, dare I say millennial, variation of Southern Cuisine. Old Men are something we have a large quantity of at the tailgate. No Country for Old Men was a movie that came out the year Michigan lost to App State and featured this super creepy killer dude. Low Country for Old Men is the name of the theme and a moderately clever pun. You're welcome.
So ya, Southern. Preliminary food plan has a morning filled with biscuit sandwiches, sausage gravy, bacon, etc...and an afternoon that has a massive smashed potato casserole, chicken fried steak, and something green.
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September 22, 2018 - Nebraska, Time TBA: Sheelytown Polish Festival
Sheelytown is apparently also a Polish band that played at this wedding. Thanks Google images!
We will celebrate Nebraska's rich Polish history with the Sheelytown Polish Festival Theme. You probably didn't know about this strong connection and the proliferation of Poles in Nebraska, but I'm here to learn you stuff. OK, to be honest, I would have found a deep Polish connection with some team on the schedule this year. I've been dying to make pierogis and large vats of pickle soup, and if this kicks at 3:30, I promise to look up what Polish people eat for breakfast too!
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September 29, 2018 At Northwestern, Time TBA, Road Theme TBA
I'll be in Chicago. I used to have like 10 places to stay out there but everybody moved to South Carolina. Still looking for that elusive Allinea resy...who wants to sponsor me?
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October 6, 2018 Maryland HOMECOMING, 12pm, Theme: The Goodell
Not sure why they pre-hamstringed Homecoming to a noon kick. I feel like 3:30 has been the norm of late, no? Regardless, we will power through with the third in our continuing series of Tailgate Roasts (The Gar 2016, The Godfather 2017) by having the first ever Goodell themed tailgate. Sure, we could have just done a Captain Michigan theme solely celebrating the masked patriarch of the clan, but then we couldn't throw shade at everybody's (or maybe just my) favorite punching bag, Shane. We also hope to have all 245 grandchildren on site.
I wanted to outline a couple of ideas I had for this one, but they're too damn good to ruin. But please bring your own temporary tattoos and be prepared to see Shane sitting in a corner crying over his food.
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October 13, 2018 Wisconsin, Time TBD, Theme: Suntory Times
Follow along with me here: I wanted an Asian themed tailgate, basically because I want gyoza (all cultures make pierogi folks), fried rice, and Korean spicy pork on the menu. Wisconsin is sometimes known as Wiscy, Wiscy sounds like whiskey, Suntory is Asian (Japanese) whiskey. There you have it. A somewhat forced yet tasty theme with a oyster pail full of cultural misappropriation.
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October 20, 2018, AT Nassar U, Theme: Leave Your Dogs at Home
This is a business trip. I will not speak of it until it has been completed.
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November 3, 2018, Sandusky State, Theme: Paella Party + Fried Catfish
Back to back games against the world's 2 most disgusting universities! This theme is an excuse to purchase a commercial grade paella pan setup. Expect saffron studded rice packed with longiniza and shellfishes, and a pile of catfish done cajun style on the side. I'm guessing this will be 330 (or maybe later?) so mix in a breakfast or dinner TBD.
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November 10, 2018 AT Rutgers, Time: TBD
He actually did more when he had bad knees.
I wanna wake up in a city, that doesn't sleep...And find I'm king of the hill, top of the heap.
So, ya, I'll be in NYC and take an uber into Pissedthataway. See you all at Little Branch on Friday night.
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November 17, 2018 Indiana, Time TBD, Theme: Lumberjack
Bust our your flannels for the home finale, which will have the traditional Filet-based tailgate fare, usually with a surf option to go with the turf. Do you know how close our last gaggle of IU games have been? They scare the shit out of me. End of year awards and such typically follow, assuming their not outsourced by The Godfather.
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November 24, 2018 AT Ohio State, 12pm, Theme: Another name for tank tops
This is a business trip. I will not speak of it until it has been completed.
