"Notre Dame Can Kiss My Ass"

I had just completing unburdening my soul on my level of apprehension for Saturday's football contest to tailgater Lisa a moment ago, when she dropped this bit of wisdom on me... "Notre Dame can kiss my ass. Every one of them."

It reminded me of something that I somehow forgot, possibly because of the few years that ND was off the schedule, or perhaps due to their seesaw seasons of falling from, and returning to, glory. I hate them. This is a rivalry game. And from a competition standpoint, it's our biggest rival. I used to know that...we all did. We knew it in 1994, when following Remy Hamilton's game winning field goal in the last victory in South Bend, the student body took to South University, chanting "we want tear gas," and shaking police cars. I participated in the desecration of a Notre Dame flag, tearing it to pieces just a few feet away from where John F. Kennedy stood and announced the creation of the Peace Core on the steps of the Michigan Union. I still have a piece of that flag in a scrapbook.

I hate them.

I hated the way they used to hold that damn winning percentage crap over our heads. "Yes, Michigan has the most wins all-time, but we have the best winning percentage."Not any more...assholes.

I hate the way they look down their nose at you when you go to South Bend. Like their tradition and their University is better than Michigan. There is definitely a look. Like we're the classless cousin here to visit that they just pray doesn't shit in their flower garden.

I hate the way that Touchdown Jesus makes me not like Jesus. God could care less about your stupid football team.

I hate the stat that our last win there was in 1994, which conveys 5 or 6 losses in a row in South Bend. But we don't play there every other year. It's like panicking because our last win against the University of Chicago in Chicago was in 1939.

I hate Charlie Weiss, the way he looks, and the way that they look at him like he's some kind of genius because he had a three loss season.

I hate Sean Astin for playing Rudy. I hate Rudy. I think it's all bullshit. Fabricated movie bullshit. Like they're going to throw a halfback pass to give the ball back to Georgia Tech so a walk-on can play. My favorite part is when his friend dies in the mill, and his brother starts banging his girlfriend. And Rudy's dad was a fruit. "This is the most beautiful sight these eyes have ever seen"? Notre Dame stadium? Eat me.

Notre Dame - Know your Foe

The University:

  • Enrollment 11,479

  • Mascot: Leprechaun

  • Located just 4 miles from the Michigan border

The series:

  • Michigan leads 18-14-1,

  • The series is a stalemate 7-7-1 in South Bend.

  • Michigan has lost the last two games against the Irish.

  • Michigan's last victory over the Irish was a 38-0 thrashing in 2003.

Players to watch:

  • Brady Quinn : NFL scouts are drooling, but not as much as his sister on AJ Hawk. He is ranked 18th in the nation for total offense, but is just 55th nationally in passing efficiency.

  • Jeff Samarzidja : 2005 All American and Biletnikoff award finalist

  • Rhema McKnight : Current team leader in receptions and receiving yards per game

The numbers say (national ranks):

  • Rushing offense:
    • ND 71st, Michigan 10th
  • Passing offense:
    • ND 27th, Michigan 104th
  • Rushing defense:
    • ND 73rd, Michigan 4th
  • Passing defense:
    • ND 43rd, Michigan 27th
  • Total defense:
    • ND 63rd, Michigan 6th