(Possibly Fake) Mail Sack, 2/23/12

You might not know this, but I'm kind of a big deal.  So people email me with questions, suggestions, comments.  I never answer them.  I also never answer your text messages, never attend birthday parties, never send you Christmas cards, or even generally acknowledge your existence.  But you love me anyway.  Why is that?  I think it's because I'm so jolly.  Like Santa.

Anyway, here's me answering some people that have no lives... 

Hey Frank, I'm coming to town for the Air Force game next season and it's my first trip to Ann Arbor.  I was wondering what your suggestions are for tailgating, what time to get to town, where to go, eat, etc.  Do you guys allow anyone to come to your tailgate?  If so, what can we bring?


Tim (Last name redacted)

Hey Tim!  Thanks for visiting the site.  Want me to hold it for you while you pee too?  Sheesh.  Ever heard of Google?  I kid.  I kid.  You should probably tailgate at the golf course, any one of them will do.  Arrive around 7:45am (it opens at 8am), bring a portable grill, and do some dogs or burgers...or get fancy and pick up Zingermans the night before (not the sandwiches, just some bread and deli meats) and assemble them on site.  Drink beer.  Meet your neighbors.  Go to the game about 30 minutes early and see the band take the field.  If you are in town Friday night, you should eat at Frita Batidos or Blimpy Burger, drink at Conor Oneill's or Alley Bar, and/or cavort with coeds on South University.  As far as our tailgate goes, we're way too cool for you, and you haven't sent me any pictures of the girls you are bringing, so that's a no-go for now...but I've got this friend named Gar...

Hey man, you sure are posting a lot.  You went like a year without posting shit, and now it's like every day.  What's the motivation?  Is this just 40 days, 40 nights, 40 posts?  You don't need to do lent...we all know you're going to hell.  Miss you buddy.


Full Name Redacted

Thanks so much for your continued support.  Miss you too.  No, this isn't for lent.  I'm trying to have some regular content (like this gem of a post).  I plan to do it until I get burned out again, which is probably going to be about 10 days.  My motivation comes from Tim Tebow and Jeremy Lin, and I've been to hell many times...it's in Columbus.

Hey Frank, I get the feeling you don't like Denard, but you're accepting him because there aren't any other options.  Discuss.


Rocket Ismail

First off, I love Denard...as a person and an ambassador of Michigan Football.  I'm accepting him because everybody thinks he's the greatest thing ever on this campus.  Maybe he is.  But did you see him throw on basketball gameday?  Why would he accept a throwing challenge?  He was trying to put it in the hoop from 3/4 court...and he couldn't even hit the backboard.  Rece Davis even took a shot at him saying Junior Hemmingway wasn't down there to catch it for him.  Then he missed that dunk.  Denard is exceptional at having people think he's exceptional and being humble about it...but the reality is, he's just fast.  He's still not a quarterback, not in this system, and not in the system we are moving towards, so closing your eyes and saying it's great that he's going to be the starter is saying you're fine with wasting a year of progress.  All of that being said....he could have a great spring.  He could improve.  He went backwards in the throwing department from '10 to '11 though, and that's why I'm pessimistic.  I'm also pessimistic because Bubba and Stephen make me that way...and then Godfather gets mad.  Also, yes, Devin doesn't seem to be forcing the issue as yet, so we go with what we've got, and what we've got can scramble like a double-jointed gazelle, so there's that.