Types of Spreads

​Football / Tailgating season is but a month away.  Your fair Wolverines have brought in a new coach that will, starting Friday, install a new offense, new look, and new overall gameplan.  And here you are, sitting at your desk, staring at your computer screen, wondering what the new season will bring.  You are not prepared.  But fear not my fair tailgaters, I am here to inform you, educate you, and make you aware of the intricacies of a fundamental part of the Rodriguez revolution.  That is, of course, the spread.  You will be amazed at how familiar you are with some of the variations.  Here's a look at the types of spreads:

• The Playboy Spread (link not suitable for work of course): Margaret Scott gets the nod for being the first spread of this nature, as her photograph was the first to traverse the boundary of a single page.  Since then, every issue has had a spread...which often has a picture of a spread of a different nature...that will not be discussed here due to tailgating website decency laws.


• Nutella Spread: Hey, it's "the original creamy, chocolaty, hazelnut spread."  You've seen this jar sitting quietly near the peanut butter in the grocery store, and you may have had the honor of putting it on a piece of buttered toast.  You likely have a friend, or a friend-of-a-friend, that keeps the stuff on hand at all times.  I am that friend.  How can a spread change your life?  How about a grilled banana and nutella panini?  Might be time for you to dust off the George Foreman.


• Fruit Spread: What's peanut butter without the jelly?  Well, it's just peanut butter.  Traversing the internet for a decent fruit spread link, I found this blueberry spread at Amazon.  It's apparently calorie free, which really freaks me out.  It's food...without calories.  Is that possible?  What's in it?


• The Spread: This is simple...this is gambling.  The Spread is the amount of points added or subtracted from a team's score at the end of a game to make a bet for either team before the game an even proposition.  For example, Michigan is currently -7 against the Utah Utes.  So, like, bet the Utes.


• Olive Spread: This is affectionately known in yuppie-ville as tapenade, it's just chopped olives, capers, and lemon juice.  It's a spread that is tasty on crackers that are first hit with a quarter inch of cream cheese.  If you want to get the urge to punch someone in the face, then watch this youtube video on how to make your own.


• Cheese Spread: This is the undisputed king of spreads.  The Godfather likes to load up a fistful of this stuff on to some Pepperidge Farm's snack sticks.  I prefer the pumpernickel variety, and have been known to go four sticks deep to scoop a healthy amount of cheese myself.  Also, any self respecting Michigander will use Schuler's, as it finds its roots in Marshall, Michigan.  You might also want to go a little retro and eat some pimento cheese spread, just like mom used to make buy at Farmer Jack's...with lots of mayo.  This guy I know takes pimento cheese and adds in chunks of blue cheese to make a dip that would taste good residing on abuffalo chip.  You can also go with the light option, Laughing Cow, if you are a complete wuss.


• The Spread Offense: In short, it's using the entire width of the field to your advantage.  Try Football 101 at ESPN.com for a summary, then bask in the glory of the idea of running it with 4 and 5 star recruits.

Wanna Go To A Road Game?

​In a little over a month from now, several of us will transition from our normal everyday lives to a state of unreality. Those unprepared will crumble under the pressure. They will neglect to go to bed early enough the night before. They will forget to pace themselves. They will drink too much. They will eat too much. They will forget to wear sunscreen. They will bring too much beer. They won't bring enough beer. They will forget the all important pre-tailgate "movement," and find themselves staring down that aqua colored plastic hotbox, facing a decision that has racked the brains of man since the beginning of time..."go dirty" or "suck it up." Let me tell you brother, your day can go from festive to f***ed in a hurry.

But that's a home game. Most of us in an extreme emergency at a home tailgate have the option to, well, go home. Whether you forgot your tickets, ran out of money gambling with The Dogans, or you just sharted...you have options. Not so on the road. It takes some careful planning to make a trip to a road game. Tickets are often harder to come by. Hotels are often booked near campuses. Parking flat out sucks. To save money...and your sanity...your plans should be locked down right now.

Taking a look at the road slate for 2008 Michigan Football, you should know that you are left with very few decent road trip options.  Three of the games could be considered "premium" games with high cost tickets and lodging,  and the other two might not be worth your effort.  Here's a brief look:

Notre Dame (9/13/2008), despite their failed attempts at "Returning to Glory" or "Rising From the Ashes," still sell out every game, and Michigan vs. Notre Dame continues to be a sought after rivalry.  Unless you have a friend in the ticket office, or a big donor in your circle of friends, you may be looking to ebay and stub hub for tickets at this point.  On the positive side, the drive from Ann Arbor to South Bend is a piece of cake.  However, South Bend is not a metropolis, and traffic is horrendous anywhere near game time.  Arrive very early and still expect a horrible parking place about a mile from the playing field.  All decent parking is reserved for the prestigious contributors to ND athletics.  If you haven't made the trek, the campus is a "must see."  There is a real Michigan-Law-Quad-feel to the place, and of course despite hating it, you need to gaze upon the golden dome and tip your hat to Touchdown Jesus.

Penn State (10/18/2008) is without a doubt the best game atmosphere in the Big Ten.  The White Out will give you chills, and the passion of the fans is equalled only by their welcoming attitudes...basically the anti-OSU.  The drive is long and without substance.  You will swear there is no way that there is a prestigious University in this barren part of the country, and when you arrive, you will find that there are no hotel rooms anywhere close to campus.  Depending on how long you wait to book rooms, you may be a hour or two away from Beaver Stadium.  Right now, you are probably in the ballpark of the hour-away hotels.  By September, you will be staying in New York or Cleveland, and are better off staying home...unless you come in an RV.

Penn State has no equal when it comes to RV tailgating.  There is basically a city of Winnebagos that are lined up as far as the eye can see, with more food and drinking games than even the most seasoned tailgater can handle.  Tickets, if you didn't win the lotto last Wednesday morning, are kind of difficult to come by.  And while the fans are typically gracious, you don't want to find yourself stuck in the middle of the Penn State section, particularly the student section.  You can never be too careful when dealing with a team that has found itself on the losing end of a matchup for 12 seasons.

Purdue (11/1/2008) is probably your least problematic option.  We are talking November though, so it might be chilly for those of you that have a tendency to get cold.  You can probably still get some tickets, but the stadium experience at Ross-Ade leaves something to be desired.  As an away fan, it is second-class at best, which I have documented time and again.  On a positive note, the drive is not bad at all, about the same as the trek from Ann Arbor to Chicago, and there are decent hotel options within 30 minutes of the stadium, if not on campus.  Typically, our contingency finds itself in Kokomo, Indiana on the night before the game...but that is for different reasons (hello HipHuggers).

Minnesota (11/8/2008) is something you want to avoid at all costs.  Unless you have some nostalgic love for the Metrodome, which won't be housing the Gophers when we return in 2012, don't bother making the 10 hour trek to the arctic in November.  It will be cold.  There is not much tailgate area.  The stadium is disconnected from the campus, and consequently there is a disconnected feel from the fans.

There is one HUGE positive however...they sell beer during the game.

Ohio State (11/22/2008) will mark the 39th anniversary of the 1969 game.  Tickets are nearly impossible, parking is horrible, and Ohio State fans are half-breed idiots that are just waiting to discuss their dominance over you in some kind of hybrid English-Carnival Worker language.  This game is for the advanced tailgater and die hard fan only.  You do not bring your wife/girlfriend/mother/sister to this game, or you will likely find yourself needing to fight an ape-like Buckeye fan to defend her honor.  Win or lose, you sprint to your car at the closing bell, and if your smart you bring a neutral jacket to cover your Michigan gear for that run.  The drive is again on par with Ann Arbor to Chicago, so that's not a problem.  The problem is that if you go .5 mph over the speed limit, you and your Michigan plate will be pulled over by a scarlet and grey police cruiser.

Hope to see you in the white jersey sometime this year.

Hey...Thanks

​First, I want to thank all the readers, friends, family, and the Michigan Blogosphere as a whole for getting the word out about bringing Guy Fieri to UMTailgate.com.  Special thanks to FryDaddy Frank who planted the seed.  The bevy of support has been outstanding, and it is a testament to the character of the Michigan fan contingency and our strong tailgating family.  Word has trickled in that some emailers have been contacted by producers of the show, which is great news.  Whatever happens, I am left with a warm heart by all of your kind words.  It makes me so much more excited for the coming season, and it drives us to create a better tailgate full of new and improved ideas, both activity and culinary based.  Just...wow.

Next, I am taking the blog in a new (read additional) direction, focusing on tailgate and food related items to create a balance with our Michigan opinions and coverage.  I'm going on vacation for the weekend, so I hope to start it when I return on Wednesday, with a chance of some scattered postings from now until then.

We are less than a month and a half from life starting again.  The stadium will be different, the uniforms will be different, and the gameplan will be different...but the tailgate family will be just as you left it in November.  Here's to things changing AND remaining the same.

Get This "Guy" to Appear At Our Tailgate

​My passion for a good plate of grub is immeasurable.  So it should come as no surprise to you that I am a huge fan of Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives on the Food Network.  I only discovered it about 6 months ago, and I am currently running out of space on my DVR because I can't bring myself to delete any of the episodes.  If you haven't seen the show, I recommend checking it out.  Every time I watch it, I get five new ideas for tailgate food.  Each foray into towns both small and large epitomizes everything I want in a dining experience:  homestyle cooking, fast service, a deep fryer, and some dirt on the floor.

The host, Guy Fieri, has pretty much the greatest job on the planet, going from restaurant to restaurant sampling the food and chatting up the ownership.  Guy recently made a stop at a Chicagoland area restaurant that gets its supplies from none other than our own FryDaddy Frank.  FryDaddy got a hold of Guy's ear and dropped a shameless plug for UMTailgate.com, who we are, what we do, and that Guy should stop by.  Guy got pretty fired up about the idea and there was an exchange of business cards.  Without a doubt, Guy wants to come to our tailgate.  I'm thinking there's a chance he might be involved in something this fall that is tailgate related.  No doubt he's the perfect guy for a show that checks out sporting event tailgates.  The problem is...Guy doesn't get to make those decisions.  This is where you come in...

Guy told FryDaddy to get the whole crew to send emails to the DDD producers.  So if you are a UMTailgate regular, an occasional stopper-byer, or a one-timer, drop a note to DDDinfo@mac.com.  Tell them what we do, tell them what you've seen, and tell them it would be perfect for Guy to stop by for the Patriotic Themed Tailgate on August 30th.

Quoting FryDaddy:

Guy told me that if enough of us send these people an email, he is very confident that we would be the first of many trips to tailgates for his show.

Ya, well, that would be f'n ridiculous.  But hey, where else would you start?  I mean, we are The Professionals with a "complex game plan.  It certainly "doesn't get any better than us."

Anyway, help us out! If nothing else, maybe it will get Gar some people at his tent from our tailgate overflow.  Thanks in advance.  Once again, it's DDDinfo@mac.com.

JoAnn Galloway Wants You to Let Grady Be Judged

Weinberg:  An argument that didn't work for Calley at My Lai. An argument that didn't work for the Nazis at Nuremberg.

Why did he plead "not guilty?"  Signs point to a plea bargain sometime before the August 14th trial date...lawyer meetings and what not.  But maybe it's because he didn't break the all-time drunk driving record...

"It's a substantial level," Sluiter said. "But I've seen higher."

Good to know.

Regardless, those looking for the football version of the death penalty are going to be disappointed.  Maybe a game or two suspension...and lots of Barwis.  But when you commit a crime that (luckily, mind you) results in no harm, and will likely result in no jail time, there's no way that you drop a kid...even if you are trying to set an example.  I'm not trying to trivialize the seriousness of driving while blitzed, but everybody deserves a second chance.  In fact, I've heard we often gave three strikes under the previous regime.