One Step Closer to Yellow Jerseys

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I believe a day will come when we will look back at the absolute ridiculousness of what the Oregon Ducks have done with their gameday wardrobes over the past 10 years, and call it normal.  The Michigan - Michigan State game last year was nothing short of an embarrassment...us in our bumblebee whites, and MSU in their "ode to Colorado State," battling it out, looking like a couple of fictional pro teams from a movie that couldn't afford to pony up the cash for the uniform rights.  But maybe I'm just getting old.  The kids seem to like this playing dress up stuff, and swoon at words like "pro-combat" and "legacy"...as do the players.  And nobody loves it like Dave Brandon loves it.  Let's be honest, every alternate uniform is a money grab.  Fortunately, Dave seems to be getting the picture that you have to spread these things out for them to continue to have an impact.

Michigan will wear its traditional home and road uniforms for the remainder of the regular season. 

Ya, I wouldn't be surprised if there was a impromptu last minute reveal at the Notre Dame night game...so take that statement with a grain of salt.  

Not so bad.​

All of that being said, a couple of good things have come out of this iteration of the Michigan away jersey, unveiled today for the Cowboys Classic vs. Alabama:.  First, I kinda like it.  It seems to be a step back towards normal.  I'm glad to be rid of the early 1900's striping trend we seemed to be in love with.  Second, it was made clear that the helmet number will appear for the Alabama game (even though for some reason it's not shown here)...and then disappear for the rest of the season.​  That would be great.  Again, cool shit needs to be spaced out to have an impact.

Last season's practice of placing the player numbers on the famed winged helmet will be suspended after the season opener in Dallas.

Suspended?  You mean like indefinitely?  Dammit Fitz!  Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue.

Go Blue!​

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2012 Tailgate Themes

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​It was dark and somber mood in the UMTailgate.com board room this morning, as the nearly 3000 page document outlining the coming season's tailgate themes circulated around for signatures while we watched the stirring images of Joe Paterno's 900-lb bronze statue being removed from Beaver Stadium.  Not since the asterisk was added next to the Godfather's name on the UMTailgate.com Hall of Fame flag (after he attended a Notre Dame home game in lieu of attending a Michigan home game ) had such emotion swept over the group.  I saw a single tear fall from the eye of Captain Michigan, who was equally dividing his time between paying attention to the proceedings and having his nose buried in Touched. 

Bubba complained that the document was just too big to read, and that he was unsure of what it actually contained, but Stephy strong-armed him and the board, demanding that "we have to pass this tailgate theme bill so we can see what's in it."  And so we did.

I enlisted the help of UMTailgate.com's page boy, Goody, to summarize the document for purposes of this post.  You may not know it to look at him, but he is quite a reader.  So in between his third pass through "Cat in the Hat" (he really wants to understand it) and "Where the Sidewalk Ends,"  Goody put the time in to dissect the bill.  The results are as follows....

The 2012 UMTailgate.com Tailgate Themes:

Game 1: Michigan vs. Alabama (Arlington, Texas) 9/1/2012 8PM

No Theme Yet

This "neutral" site season opener will have the bulk of the group travelling to Texas, most by air.  The tailgate scene and the parking options are still to be determined, so we will leave this one themeless for now.​

Game 2: Michigan vs. Air Force 9/8/2012 3:30PM

The All-American

This theme made it's first appearance in 2008, breaking the previous tradition of first game Luau themes because of what happened the first week of 2007.  This year, we will celebrate the opponent for their service to the good ol' USA.  Red, white and BLUE attire and decor will be on display, as will some classic American fare...think burgers, dogs, ribs and the like.​

Game 3: Michigan vs. UMASS 9/15/2012 3:30PM

​The Chappaquiddick Seafood Festival

Party like a member of Bon Jovi, drink like a Kennedy, and eat shellfish like you don't have an iodine aversion.​  Not a lot of attire options here, but bonus points for any hot chicks that show up in Marilyn gear, or if you arrive at the tailgate in an experimental plane.  Food will be items that once swam or are considered bi-valves.  

Game 4:  Michigan at Notre Dame 9/22/2012 7:30PM

Party at The Godfather's

There will be themed T-shirts.  There will be vodka-red bull shots.  There will be more drinking than ever.  All of it is a prelude to Notre Dame trying to copy the magic that Michigan's night game created last year.​  If you are reading this and wondering if you are invited to this exclusive soiree let me assure you....you're not.

Game 5: Michigan at Purdue 10/6/2012 4:00PM

The Possible Winnebago

Michigan fans travel to the Big Ten's worst stadium to gaze upon West Lafayette's Biggest Drum​. This may or may not be our 2012 Winnebago trip.  I'm currently gauging interest, so please contact me if you want to sleep in uncomfortable places with a bunch of smelly dudes.​

Game 6: Michigan vs. Illinois (Homecoming) 10/13/2012 3:30PM

The Old School and Churrasco

Wear your high school colors (but bring some Michigan gear to change into for gametime of course), and bring your ​old photos, yearbooks, home movies, underwear with holes in it....basically anything that we can use to determine your age without asking.  This theme is used to reminisce, to look back to a better time, and most importantly, to study the mistakes of most of the old people at the tailgate so the youngsters can avoid similar pitfalls.  Food will be a take on Brazillian Steakhouse BBQ, or Churrasco.  Lots of meats, lots of good side dishes, lots of meats.  Did I mention that there would be meat?

Game 7: Michigan vs. Michigan State 10/20/2012 Time TBA

The Bacon

First appearing just two seasons ago, The Bacon Tailgate is just what it sounds like.  We will celebrate all things bacon.  Bacon attire is a plus, but plan on getting some stains on your digs as you get knuckle-deep in a variety of bacon-laden cuisine before we send Sparty home without Paul Bunyon.​

Game 8: Michigan at Nebraska 10/27/2012 8PM

No Theme Yet

It's a long way from home, a new stadium, and a new group of dipshits to deal with.  Unsure of our surroundings, parking, etc....we'll play this one by ear.​

Game 9: Michigan at Minnesota 11/3/2012 Time TBA

No Theme Yet

Again, a long way from home.  Again, a new stadium.  Fortunately, we're dealing with a broken fanbase and a team that we beat 58-0 last year.  But we don't know where we'll end up, so stay tuned.​

Game 10: Michigan vs. Northwestern 11/10/12 Time TBA

Theme: The Sweet Home Chicago

Somebody call Fry Daddy Frank, because we're gonna need some Portillo's.  Food will include Italian Beef sandwiches, Chicago Style Dogs, and anything else you can think of from the heart of the Windy City.

Game 11: Michigan vs. Iowa 11/17/12 Time TBA

Theme: The Turkeys

After a year off from frying some birds, we will celebrate the arrival of the Hawkeyes by dropping some flavor-injected birds in boiling oil.  Traditional Thanksgiving sides will likely make an appearance.

Game 12: Michigan at Ohio State 11/24/12 Noon

Theme: The Survival

Haven't won in Columbus since ​2000.  Haven't been in Columbus coming off a win since 2004.  The bee's nest has been kicked, and this will effectively be their bowl game.  All of that adds up to a morning spent parking far away, avoiding eye contact and flying poo.  Should be great.

 

Inception of Football's Final Four is Timed Perfectly for (Paper) Michigan

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Ok, let's go the other way.  Let's pretend I don't pine for a Rich Rodriguez offense, a pipeline to Pehokee, and never huddling...ever.  Let's pretend I hated the basketball scores put up in that one Illinois game, and that I didn't jump up and down with glee with the thought of what we might do with that offense when the alumni eventually came around (still waiting) and the defense became serviceable (it didn't).

I've preached patience even in the face of the perceived immediate success of Brady Hoke.  But the truth is, we like the class that is arriving in a few weeks.  And the fact that most of them would be in the bottom (recruiting rankings wise) of the class that is supposed to arrive after that...well that means that our paper future is as bright as it has ever been.  The question mark remains whether or not Brady Hoke can coach players with great talent.  Can he manage a team full of blue chip athletes, their egos, their behavior on and off the field?  Can he build a gameplan that takes advantage of that talent?  Brady has never done that before.  Rich Rod hadn't either.

But if Brady, Borges, and Mattison CAN put it together...and I believe they can...the college football world is aligning well for Michigan.  College Football's Final Four will begin in the 2014 season, just two years from now.  It will be the biggest thing, well, EVER.  It's something they should have done 15 years ago instead of installing a system that routinely resulted in more questions than answers.  And if I'm to believe in the program in place here at Michigan, in all the grandiose NFL marketing circus-style bullshit that I'm fed by Dave Brandon, in the continuously rising ticket prices and the seemingly endless crap rotation of schedule that makes every other year's home season a steaming pile of shit...then I have to believe that when they select those four teams, Michigan will be there.  We should expect to be there.  I don't want to hear about the low-balling of team goals like winning the conference, or the handing out of motivational trinkets.  I don't want to think about Notre Dame, MSU, or OSU.  

I want to see four blue-gloved fingers in the air in every practice, every pre-game, every post-game.  Final Four.  It's a realistic three-year plan.  That's where we want to be.  That's where we should be.  

Michigan shared a National Championship in 1997.  A year later the powers that be installed a system to eradicate the indecisions that always seemed to pop up at season's end.  It failed, but more importantly, so did we.  Only once (2006) were we ever in the conversation (and we shouldn't have been).  It's tough to meet a goal when you never set it.  It's tough to see things in a national perspective when you can't see west of the Mississippi River or south of Columbus, and when you never concede to a home-at-home with a power team because you are afraid to skip a paycheck, instead relying on a forever crumbling Notre Dame program to bolster your schedule and excite your fans (yawn).

You think your Michigan is back?  Maybe you're right.  But THE Michigan is certainly not.  THE Michigan fears no one, takes on all comers without worrying about whether or not we can jam in eight home games.  THE Michigan has a 7-point lead before they take the field, just because they're Michigan.  Feared.  Respected.  Nationally.

We've got a resumé builder of a season ahead.  Lot's of prime time, a marquis opening weekend, and perhaps the toughest road slate ever.  Forget 11-2.  This year we need to start planning for a Denard-less offense.  We need to beat Michigan State.  We need to develop our recruits.  And that's it.  Next year, we can talk about dominating the Big Ten.  The following year, we can talk about dominating college football.  

And I'm all for it.  Fuck the Rose Bowl.