If You Want Something Done Right...

/

​...you do it yourself.  So for today's two-sport double header action, instead of watching from the couch, a limited crew from UMTailgate.com will be in the stands.  Both Michigan Hockey and Michigan Basketball are coming off of disappointing losses, and play back to back today/tonight just 40 miles apart.   Tip off for the Jalen Rose festival is at 4pm, Michigan-Michigan State is scheduled to start at 7.  With pregame pageantry, the games should be separated by about 45 minutes.  So with some speedy driving, the A2 to Detroit trek should fall nicely between the Crisler buzzer and the drop at The Joe.

Full coverage tomorrow.

For now, watch Bo give a tour of the Big House courtesy of The Wizard of Odds, and try to hold back the tears (Dennis).

If This Were Any Other Year...

/

​...you'd be pissed at how screwed we're getting on this bowl bid.

Option #1:

West Virginia or Missouri lose, Ohio State goes to National Championship game that they will win just to ruin your 2008... Illinois goes to BCS. Michigan goes to Citrus Bowl of the Capital One variety.

Result of option #1:

You hold a razor blade to your wrist as you contemplate Ohio State's back-to-back trips to the BCS championship game. You ponder how Juice Williams expects to get loose against USC in the Rose Bowl. You wonder which team, Florida or LSU, would be more uncomfortable to watch dismantle your Wolverines. Tebow or New Bo? Hmmmm.

You find yourself in Orlando, Florida on New Year's Eve. Let me tell you folks, despite the perceived allure of Disneyville...Orlando sucks. The only thing worse than Orlando itself is the god-forsaken stadium in which the game will be played. From 2001:

First, for those that have never made the journey, let me tell you all a little bit about the Citrus Bowl. It is similar to going to a baseball game at old Tiger Stadium. The parking areas are a mix of gravel and grass. Local shops include a drug store, a liquor store, and a pawn shop, and all have bars on the windows. The pagentry of BCS bowl games is missing here. The only thing Citrus available at the Citrus Bowl were small bottles of Tangerine juice, obviously left over from the newly resurrected Tangerine Bowl played a week earlier. The food inside included cheese steak sandwiches, smoked turkey legs, popcorn, and hot dogs. All of the food was of the quality of, in the words of Stephen W., ˜a food stand in a 3rd world country.

Option #2:

West Virginia and Missouri both win. Ohio State goes to Rose Bowl to get dismantled by USC. Illinois goes to Citrus Bowl of the Capital One variety. Michigan goes to the Citrus Bowl of the Champs Sports variety.

Result of option #2:

A fair amount of embarrassment from attending a non-New-Year's-Day Bowl...but let's be honest, is embarrassment really an issue with the 2007 version of the Michigan Wolverines? An ACC opponent, most likely BC or Florida State, will be a better match. Maybe we can finally get revenge for 1991 against FSU. Oh, the intrigue...*yawn*.

You find yourself in Orlando, Florida on December 28th. Let me tell you folks, despite the perceived allure of Disneyville...Orlando sucks. The only thing worse than Orlando itself is the god-forsaken stadium in which the game will be played.

What Do You Do When You Lost to the Team That Lost to Appalachian State?

/

​I've never been shy in voicing my displeasure with the gameday experience at some of the hallowed Big Ten venues across the midwest. Ross-Ade stadium in West Lafayette has been the butt of many a joke over the years, and truly is a horrible place to travel to from an away fan's perspective. Previous diatribes can be seen here and here. But on another unseasonably warm fall Saturday (damn you Al Gore) Memorial Stadium made a run as worst spot on the Big Ten map. They encompass all aspects of stadium crappiness. Limited seating due to construction....check. Piped in music including such cliched wonders as "For Whom the Bell Tolls"...check. Poorly managed volume control on said music...check. Playing the music until moments before the snap...check. PA announcer that announces first downs for the home team as if gaining ten yards in akin to curing cancer...check. Asshole fans with an unwarranted chip on their shoulders...check. Fans talking shit to their opponent even though it's been 24 years since you defeated them in your own stadium...check. Having to turn your body to see the game action due to poorly designed seating angles...check. And as if that weren't enough, ticket misprints and confusing temporary section numbers led to me not getting to my seat until the 8 minute mark of the 1st quarter, though I arrived at the stadium 20 minutes before kickoff. Well done Champaign. Well done. I'm beginning to believe they didn't take away the Chief because of the inappropriate nature of the practice, but because he couldn't find his way in to your pathetic relic of a football stadium.

So there, I said it. Memorial Stadium = 50,000 Courics.

From a "game itself" perspective, I would like to thank the Illini for the timely penalties, turnovers, and sloppy play that allowed us to overcome having no Mike Hart, half of a Chad Henne, and our own pile of dumb mistakes to come out victorious once again. The 27-17 victory, though not satisfying from the "we played well" angle, was enough for me to smile and laugh at the group of Illini fans that started the game with an "Appalachian State" chant, and was enough to stick it a bit to Ronnie Zook. Zook, though he was fired from the University of Florida, still voted for them to go to the National Championship game last year over Michigan, and was the only Big Ten coach to do so. Dick. Screw you and your illegal recruits. Also, now watching the replay of the game from the ABC broadcast, it's also satisfying from the "I hate Musburger" perspective. His anti-Michigan demeanor makes me like Kirk Herbstreit...and Herbstreit is a Buckeye-loving assclown.

Summing up: Zook=dick, Musberger=with the terrorists, Herbstreit=fruit

A 7pm tailgate is a lot like giving birth. Three full meals. 12 hours of drinking. Cooking, loading, unloading, picture taking, smelling Gar, feeding Cooper....it's all so tiring. But it's worth it, especially when you are riding in and partying with a 40 foot home on wheels. Once again, UMTailgate.com flexed its tailgating muscle with a sophisticated menu, an array of cocktails and beer, and the best damn fans in the Big Ten. God we're good. Thanks to the rest of the five man traveling team for coming along and at no point saying "you brought too much stuff," even though I brought way too much stuff. Hope we can do it again next year. Happy Valley???

Century Mark

/

​by Johnny Cleveland

As you should know by now, our Danser has reached a milestone, Umtailgate.com continues to reflect upon this accomplishment (?) .  Basic Facts:  The "Streak" began in 1999.  The first game was a home contest against Illinois, UM lost 35 to 29.  The streaker has traveled the country from corner to corner (washington to florida if you will) watched games in 13 states, and passed through damn near every other one gettin there. 

The streaker  has had many emotions and feelings pass through him during the past decade of games, some Saturdays were good, some were bad.  But lets put aside all the triumphs and tribulations and look at the facts, the facts about the 100 straight games he has attended!

UM Football "During the Streak"


  • Overall Record 74-26 (74%)

  • Big Ten Record  51-13 (80%)

  • Vs. Purdue 5-1 (83%)

  • Bowl Games 3-4 (43%)

  • @ the Big House 47-8 (85%)

  • Vs. OSU 3-5 (38%)

  • Vs. MSU 6-1 (86%)

  • Homecoming games 5-2 (71%)

  • Highest Final AP rank = #5 (1999)

  • Lowest Final AP rank = NR (2005)

  • Big Ten Titles = 3 (2000,2003,2004)

Illinois: A Frat-tastic Preview

/

​If you are lucky enough to have made the trip to Champaign, Illinois in a past season, you know that you can smell the excitement there. Seriously, you can smell it. There's some kind of manure farm nearby, and you will spend the day wondering if the smell is there all the time, or if you showed up on a bad day. As someone that has made multiple trips to Shitsville, USA, I can tell you first hand that it's always there. This Saturday, with the 7pm local kickoff, that smell will have permeated our clothes, our hair, and our soul. I can't wait.

What you might not know, but may have inferred, is that the fans of the Illini and the student body hate us. It's as if we ruined their lives at some point in the past. In actuality, we haven't ruined anything...at least anything that wasn't already ruined...usually. In case there are hard feelings, allow me to apologize:


  • For taking your 0-3 Big Ten record to 0-4 in 2004 by a score of 30-19. (Note: Mike Hart 234 yards)

  • For taking your 0-3 Big Ten record to 0-4 in 2003 by way of a 56-14 nailbiter, on your way to a 1-11 mark for the season. (Note: 12 different Michigan receivers caught passes and John Navarre went 18-27 for 203 yards)

  • For knocking you off 45-28 in your first Big Ten game of the season in 2002 before you went on to 5-7 glory. (Note: Bennie Joppru had 74 yards receiving...that's a tight end folks)

  • For handing you 1 of 2 losses you had on the season in 2001. Wow, you were 10-2 in 2001! Your other loss? LSU in the Sugar Bowl. Amazing. So, ya, really sorry about that 45-20 pasting. (Note: Marquise Walker threw a 51-yard touchdown pass toJermaine Gonzales in this game....shame on you)

  • For the refs not calling that Anthony Thomas fumble a fumble at the end of the 35-31 victory we had in 2000. You could have gone 6-5 instead of 5-6. That sucks. Also sorry for bringing in Drew Henson for John Navarre at the half. That did you in, as did the fake punt we ran. Yes, we ran a fake punt. Pretty sure that was the last time we did that. So, sorry. (Note: David Terrell had 6 catches for 116 yards, including a 57-yard Henson-to-Terrell special. Pretty sure that's the last offensive play we've had go for more than 50 yards.)


I guess that takes care of this century. I could go deeper, but the Wolverines are 65-21-2 all-time against the Fighting Illini. I'd end up having to apologize a lot.

Fun facts:


  • Illinois has 12 wins since 2004, and I'm including this "miracle" season's 5 wins in that totals.

  • In 1997, while Michigan was busy perfecting a 12-0 season, Illinois was perfectly abysmal, going 0-11 on the year.

  • Illinois has had 5 winning seasons since 1990.

  • Illinois broke a two-year Big Ten losing streak with their 23-20 victory over Michigan State last year. At that time, it was also just their 2nd Big Ten win in four seasons. Just thought I'd remind you that Michigan State also sucks.

  • There are 96 fraternities and sororities in Champaign, the largest Greek system in the world....outside of Greece, I imagine.

  • The library system in Champaign is 3rd largest in the U.S., behind only Harvard and Yale.

  • John Phillips Sousa called the Illinois band the "World's Greatest College Band" in the 1920's.


The Season:


  • Illinois is 5-2 on the season. Big wins include Penn State (27-20) and Wisconsin (31-26). Embarrassing loss: last week against Iowa (10-6).

  • Illinois boasts the 8th best rushing attack in the country, which includes 45 yards per game from Isiah "Juice" Williams.

  • Illinois has the nation's 22nd best scoring defense, allowing only 18 points per game.

  • What are they bad at? Passing: 113th in the nation with 151 yards per game. Net Punting: 111th in the nation with 31 yards garnered per punt.

What do I think?

  • Mobile quarterback of darker persuasion means they will score points, frustrate you by converting 3rd downs after we have the quarterback dead in our sights, and make plays that we never make. Juice is like Dixon without the whole passing thing. That passing thing is kind of important though, so maybe we can pull this out. However, I hate wounded animal games. Plus we have to play the wounded animal in their home cage, leaving the friendly confines for just the second time this season...and this ain't Northwestern boys. And just when I think all signs point to the Illini upset, I remember Mike Hart. Mike Hart. Mike Hart. Mike Hart.

Some Links: