The Tailgate Wins Again

There are times when we joke that the tailgate outshined the performance on the field.  Saturday, that would've been an understatement.  But that's not a fair comparison.  Twelve freshman saw the field for the Maize and Blue on Saturday...10 men and women over the age of fifty helped set up tents and cooked some food.  Our experience is unparalleled.  Hell, we've even had a website for 9 seasons, and we're pretty sure John Dogan fought in World War I.  So hey, when I tell you that our tailgate kicked ass and was led by a dream I've had for 10 years of sporting over 100,000 BTUs of grilling power...I mean it.

Our group's first All-American tailgate went off well, with Old Glory taking center stage lining the tents and adorning the chests of our tailgaters.  We had a good old fashioned American barbeque pot luck, and the participation levels, the amount of food, and the amount of people were all estimated as UMTailgate records.

Reality Bites

Somewhere in your mind, past the place where Michigan fanhood clouds your better judgment, past the place where hope kills all common sense...you knew.  It really is a rebuilding year.  And the reality is that in the near future, no matter what this team does to grow and learn, it would take a miracle of biblical proportions to have us win games in the manner to which we have become accustomed.

The football project is now on pace with the stadium project...both should be ready by the fall of 2010.

Utah dominated every facet of the game on Saturday, and despite the Utes best Michigan State impression through stupid penalties and turnovers, the Wolverines still managed to fall short.  The Utes at several points in the third and fourth quarter attempted to literally hand us a victory that we did not deserve.  Utah moved the ball for Michigan through penalties nearly as well as the Michigan offense moved the ball through offensive plays.  137 yards of penalties for Utah..203 yards of total offense for Michigan.  But even that blatant ineptitude was not enough to assist an offense that could not overcome two quarterbacks that looked like the 3rd and 4th members of a depth chart, and an offensive line whose best asset seems to be the speed at which they run to the line of scrimmage.  The defense took a full half of football to adjust to game speed, and by then it was too late.  All of Michigan's best plays were from the punt team (both Zoltan (minus 1 shank) and the coverage team) when they weren't getting inexcusable delays of game.

If your looking for more positives, they are few and far between.  The inevitable "we didn't quit" probably comes to mind...but that's akin to saying "I take care of my kids" or "I've never been arrested."  The defense, once awakened, made some big stops, especially late in the game.  Threet threw one really nice ball to Junior Hemmingway.  Finally, the biggest highlight for me...the new construction shaded my section by halftime.

Box Score

Enemy Article

Odd Website That Has Nothing To Do With the Football Game

How to Tailgate with UMTailgate.com

​These are normally found using the link at the top, but are re-posted yearly before the season, usually with an update or two.  They mostly apply to the privileged few that are a part of our group...but can be somewhat universal if you use your imagination.  So here you go:

Here are some suggestions (Big 11 of them) to make your tailgating season fun and exciting:

#1: Bring Something. I don't care if it's a steaming bowl of poop, although bonus points go to those who surprise us with unique cuisine, unique drinks, unique outfits, unique decorations, or unique personalities. Bringing something is your pass to enjoy everything we have to offer at the tailgate.

#2: Eat Something. Dual reasons for this. First, we've got too much food, I promise just stay out of Godmother's cheesy potatoes. Second, you'll need something of substance in your gullet if you want to follow tip #3

#3: Drink Something. The tailgate is BYOB, though occasionally a specialty drink makes it's way onto the menu for all to enjoy.  Bring a giant mug and fill it with a cocktail of your choosing. Bring a cooler of beer and empty it into your belly before kickoff. Take a tug on the bowl of Yucca. When it gets cold, sip a mug of spiked coffee. In short, get drunk, because you're a lot cooler when you're drunk. And let's not forget, the best tailgating stories always seem to include (insert person here) had a lot to drink, and then he/she fell down (into the bushes / on the stadium steps / into that girl's chest). Later (he / she) groped the (daughter / son) of (insert former tailgater here). We found (him / her) passed out (on the grass outside the stadium / in their car / under their car).

#4: Hug the Godfather. Why? Because we said so. Especially if you have no idea who he is. Because the Godfather loves to get himself some "strange". Even better, if you liked it, you can do it again the following week because the Godfather never remembers you the first time.

#5: Respect the Hall. The members of the UMTailgate.com Hall of Fame. Recognize them, respect them, honor them. Don't know who they are? Check the flag.  We've got people here that have not missed a home or away game this century...seriously.

#6: Learn to Love. Respect all of the tailgaters, even those from the opposing team that are visiting us and wallowing in our dynasty and tradition. This applies to everyone except...

#7: Learn to Hate: Michigan State and Ohio State.  Don't mistakenly wear their T-shirts, their hats, and in most cases, their colors. This applies to tailgating and gamedays only...however, big bonus points if you apply this rule in your daily life, like me.

#8: Go to the Game. And try to make it there before kickoff.

#9: Go to an Away Game. Ya, we tailgate there too. Some long drives are in store for this season, but there's nothing like Saturday Night Football on the road, so quit being a candy ass and put on a white jersey.

#10: Ask Goody To Show You His Tattoos. It's not imperative for your enjoyment, but it makes me laugh.

#11: Follow the Theme. Yes, each tailgate has a theme, and the theme is posted with each game on the season schedule.

I Can't Wait

​It's been a busy day at the UMTailgate.com offices tying up loose ends.  I've received tons of email this week about where to go, what to do...how to tailgate.  The official rules will be updated tonight to reflect the upcoming season, and hopefully that will answer most inquiries in a FAQ fashion.

We've got three days.

The equipment has been dusted off, and the amount of space it occupies in my home is akin to the amount of space tailgating occupies in my life.  I'm excited about every aspect of the journey we are about to go on together....culinarily (not actually a word, but sounds good), socially, in the stands, on the field...

I can't wait for the domino run of brake lights as those in line for the golf course see that the gate to the tailgate has opened.  I can't wait for the look on Captain Michigan's face as I pop the rear door on my SUV and he sees the amount of equipment packed inside.  I can't wait for the sizzle of the potatoes that will hit the cast iron skillet, or the ribs as they meet 118,000 BTUs of grilling power.  I can't wait for that first (and decidedly too strong) sip from the mug of captain and coke.  I can't wait to greet the three people that attend Gar's tailgate.  I can't wait to feed Cooper.  I can't wait to see what everyone has brought.  I can't wait for that first burn-my-mouth bite of Pammy's cheesy potatoes.  I can't wait for what will likely be the largest group picture in our history.  I can't wait to wait in line at the corner to get out of the golf course and head to The New House.  I can't wait to get waived in at section 30 by the best security detail in college football.  I can't wait to make the turn to look up in the stands for Kevin and his cowbell.  I can't wait for the looks from the latest crop of freshman students wondering who the crazy fat guy is.  I can't wait for bandtakethefield.  I can't wait for the banner to be touched.  I can't wait for The Claw.  I can't wait for LeAnn to slip me some Henessey.  I can't wait for the wave after an insurmountable lead.  I can't wait for "it's great to be a Michigan Wolverine."

I can't wait to prove everyone wrong.