The Minnesota Preview: Give Me Back My Jug!!!

We've crossed over mid-week and I'm feeling pretty confident. I just can't see coming back here without the jug. There's an empty spot in Schembechler Hall without it. I mean, it really is our jug. You know how the story goes. Lloyd tells it every year like a drunk uncle spouting "'Twas the night before Christmas" at your holiday gathering. Yost thought that the Gopher's were going to poison us, so we brought our own water in our own jug. We head back to Ann Arbor post game, probably by horse drawn carriage, and forget the jug. Yost sends a text message morse code telegram to Minnesota, asking for the jug back. Minnesota says "come back and win it from us."

It's at this point in the story I get pissed. Screw you Minnesota. We made an honest mistake when packing up the burros to head back to Ann Arbor. Why not be civil and give us our water jug back? ...Especially considering that we had to bring it because you guys are shady bastards known for poisoning opponent's water.

So besides stealing the jug from us last year in a metaphoric sense by way of a last ditch run by the now defunct Gary Russell, you actually stole our jug and took it back with you to Minneapolis. Dude...our jug. I'll get a lawyer if I have to. We're taking it back this year, win or lose, and we're putting it in our trophy case...and then we're just not going to bring it to the game anymore. That's it.

Oh ya, I almost forgot, you also planted a flag into our field turf. We're sending you a bill for that too. It's not grass assholes...it's expensive.

The School:


  • Established 1851

  • Enrollment 51,194, second largest in the United States

  • Colors: Maroon and Gold

  • Mascot: Goldy Gopher


The Records:

  • Michigan is 67-24-3 all time against Minnesota, 30-12-2 in Minneapolis.

  • Minnesota is 2-2 on the season, with losses to California and Purdue, and wins against Kent State and Temple

  • Minnesota head coach Glen Mason has lead his team to 32 victories over the last four seasons (2002-2005), which is the best four year win total since 1902-1905.

  • Lloyd Carr is 8-1 in his career against the Gophers, and 4-0 at the Dome. Michigan is undefeated (10-0) at the Dome all time.

  • Michigan is 24-2 in their last 26 games against the Gophers.


Watch List:

  • The two-headed monster of Maroney and Barber Amir Pinnix and Alex Daniels lead a rushing offense that is 2nd in the Big Ten and 8th in the nation.

  • Quarterback Brian Cupito, who holds just about every all-time passing record at Minnesota.

  • Junior LB Mike Sherels leads the team in tackles.

  • Sophomore DE Steve Davis leads the team in sacks and will try to have his way with Reuben Riley.


Fun Facts:

  • I once made the cover of the website cameltoe.org (link not suitable for work, obviously) for a picture I appeared in with Goldy the Gopher (above).