Might Have Picked the Wrong Week to Quit Drinking...At the Game

Ya, we're 0-1.  Everything we witnessed on Saturday pointed to a season of struggles.  How does one get by in this era of transition, bad quarterbacks, and out of sync lineman?

Drinking, that's how.

The tailgate will continue regardless of the outcome on the field, and it will do so with vigor.  So, following the rules of tailgating, after you get some substance in your belly...you need to pour a tasty beverage over it.  Stuck tailgating at family friendly Pioneer High?  Try a can cover from the geniuses at canouflage.  You too can fake out the 5.0 by swilling on a can of Mountain Spew.  It's also good for walking to the stadium without worrying about the corner police confiscating your last chance for a beer before the four hours known as "the game."

Can't hold out for the whole game...but can't miss the game.  It's a problem many of us die hards deal with weekly.  There's nothing worse than losing your nice buzz through four quarters of sobriety and having a walking hangover by halftime.  Fear not, you sick, alcoholic bastard.  Get yourself a Beer Belly and enjoy sipping on...or mixing with stadium coke...your favorite beverage all game long.  This monstrosity holds 80oz of liquid.  Two suggestions if you go with this option:  #1 is that you best be sharing or you will find yourself in a hospital.  80 shots is too much, so spread the love.  #2 is to keep in mind that it is difficult to wear a beer belly flask if you already have a sizable beer belly.  This applies to many of our tailgaters...yours truly included.  Another option for sneaking in some spirits...The Disposable Flask.  Easily pocketed and undetectable to the metal wands, this flask should get you through Sheridan's 4th interception with its 7.5 ounces.

You can get all James Bond with your efforts as well.  Try a cell phone flask.  They look a bit dated, like most of the Godfather's cell phones, but should serve the purpose.  The binocular flask looks like the real thing when hanging around your neck, and holds a full 16 ounces.  Finally, we have the camera flask.  Fake like you are a newcomer and snap a fake photo of the Big House as you walk past security, then slowly sip the 4 ounces to keep that buzz on all game.

So don't give up on your drinking achievments, study your Whiskipedia, and we'll see you Saturday with your popped collar for the 80's themed tailgate.