We Brought Back the Cold War and Had a Cow

Ahhh yes, the 80's.  The decade that brought us such verbal gems as "gag me with a spoon," "shitting bricks," and "fuckin' A" made a strong appearance on our little section of the golf course on Saturday.  The age of the synthesizer rang in our ears and the girls showed up straight from "the valley" as we grilled, ate, drank, and celebrated our first victory of the 2008 campaign.

The tailgate crowd was decidedly smaller than the previous week, but still very large and spirited for a MAC matchup and a Michigan team that pooped themselves in week 1.  We are without a doubt hitting our stride as we head into the Big Ten season.

As I noted yesterday, the matchup with Miami of Ohio had some historical significance as RichRod's first win, but our past contests with the Red Hawks carried some tailgate and Michigan history with them as well.

In 2001, two spry and barely over 30 versions of Bubba and Stephen were already attending their 50th straight Michigan game.  Captain Michigan came out of retirement to leg wrestle his son and Tuba.  We all got our first pair of yellow socks. 

In 2004, we all walked to the game expecting to see Matt Gutierrez under center for the first time.  An injury shrouded in Fort Schembechler secrecy left the reins to true frosh Chad Henne.  Chad would lead the Wolverines to a back-to-back Big Ten title and a trip to the Rose Bowl.  

Hey, Wake Up. The Game is Over. Ya, we won.

With just under nine minutes to go in the first quarter, Michigan had scored on their first two drives.  The first was nearly perfect and resulted in a touchdown.  The second, which commenced as a result of a Red Hawk turnover, ended with a 47 yard field goal from Lopata.  After the way things went just a week ago, there was a brief moment of optimism.  Maybe we were going to put something together here.  Unfortunately, about two-and-a-half hours later in real time, and three full quarters later in game time, we had only mustered a missed field goal and six consecutive punts.  Fortunately for Michigan, and for my sanity, an anemic Miami offense went all day without finding the endzone.  It took until 11 minutes remaining in the game for Michigan to put together another scoring drive and end a game that was akin to chewing razor blades.

It was ugly.  There's no other way to describe it.  Last week, we couldn't run the ball.  This week, we couldn't throw a pass over the line of scrimmage.  But it was a win.  A win that was no doubt the result of a weak opponent rather than a result of improved execution.  However, in the end, it was both imperative and historic.  Imperative because in this season of change, it's the lay-ups that make the difference between 5-wins and the end of the nation's longest bowl streak, and 6-wins and a trip to Ford Field.  Historic because it was win number one for Rich Rodriguez, and hopefully the first of many that will come over a long and successful career.

The Lions would like to ask you..."What about right now?"  That is still an unanswered question.  Can Michigan improve enough to compete in the Big Ten?  Probably not.  But after watching the upstart (just laughed a little) Aztecs of San Diego State give Notre Dame more than all they could handle, I think we can compete next week. The Wolverines will be looking to end the Big Ten preseason in South Bend in what might be the worst matchup talent wise of Michigan and Notre Dame...ever.  After that, a bye week.  Maybe, just maybe, they will improve dramatically before hosting the Badgers.

The grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, something to love, and something to hope for. - A.Chalmers

And if you are a Michigan fan...they fit all three.

Don't Forget the Theme...It's the 80's

In many ways...you wish it actually was the 80's.  So celebrate the time of Bo, show up tomorrow in some 80's gear, and be ready for some Duran Duran.  On the morning menu...

• Bloody Mary Bar


• Andouille Spiked Cheeseburgers


• Grilled Jalapeno Poppers

See you there.

Might Have Picked the Wrong Week to Quit Drinking...At the Game

Ya, we're 0-1.  Everything we witnessed on Saturday pointed to a season of struggles.  How does one get by in this era of transition, bad quarterbacks, and out of sync lineman?

Drinking, that's how.

The tailgate will continue regardless of the outcome on the field, and it will do so with vigor.  So, following the rules of tailgating, after you get some substance in your belly...you need to pour a tasty beverage over it.  Stuck tailgating at family friendly Pioneer High?  Try a can cover from the geniuses at canouflage.  You too can fake out the 5.0 by swilling on a can of Mountain Spew.  It's also good for walking to the stadium without worrying about the corner police confiscating your last chance for a beer before the four hours known as "the game."

Can't hold out for the whole game...but can't miss the game.  It's a problem many of us die hards deal with weekly.  There's nothing worse than losing your nice buzz through four quarters of sobriety and having a walking hangover by halftime.  Fear not, you sick, alcoholic bastard.  Get yourself a Beer Belly and enjoy sipping on...or mixing with stadium coke...your favorite beverage all game long.  This monstrosity holds 80oz of liquid.  Two suggestions if you go with this option:  #1 is that you best be sharing or you will find yourself in a hospital.  80 shots is too much, so spread the love.  #2 is to keep in mind that it is difficult to wear a beer belly flask if you already have a sizable beer belly.  This applies to many of our tailgaters...yours truly included.  Another option for sneaking in some spirits...The Disposable Flask.  Easily pocketed and undetectable to the metal wands, this flask should get you through Sheridan's 4th interception with its 7.5 ounces.

You can get all James Bond with your efforts as well.  Try a cell phone flask.  They look a bit dated, like most of the Godfather's cell phones, but should serve the purpose.  The binocular flask looks like the real thing when hanging around your neck, and holds a full 16 ounces.  Finally, we have the camera flask.  Fake like you are a newcomer and snap a fake photo of the Big House as you walk past security, then slowly sip the 4 ounces to keep that buzz on all game.

So don't give up on your drinking achievments, study your Whiskipedia, and we'll see you Saturday with your popped collar for the 80's themed tailgate.