Staff Predictions for Utah

I forgot to do the staff pics last week.  Well, that's not exactly true.  I remembered and I didn't feel like it.  I only mention that because when you look at Tuba's prediction, you might say "wow, that escalated quickly."  But for context, he had us beating Miami of Ohio by 1 point.  So here we go...

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Tuba's Prediction:

You see utah and I see the end of a career.

Michigan 34 utah 40.

Dave Brandon doesn't make it to January but Hoke gets one more year. This is the beginning of the end and it's for the better.

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Webmaster's Prediction:

I can't give up yet.  I can't.  I don't know how we are going to win this game, and everybody that has access to a microphone is saying we won't, but we will.  And it might be a big win, but nobody will know or care, least of all this tainted and angry fan base.   Brady finds a thick spot to stand on the ice for one more week.

Michigan 38 - Utah 28

Staff Predictions for Notre Dame

The Webmaster Says:

Seriously?  You guys don't want to play anymore?  Good.  I hate playing at your place with your manskirted band members and your girl/boy split cheers.  I have, however, really enjoyed doing that whole "breaking your heart with less than a minute to go" thing with some regularity.  

Tomorrow?  I just don't know.  

• We're motivated because you're chicken.  You're motivated because you're chicken.  Edge: EVEN  
• You have a bunch of guys that cheated on tests and have to sit out...but that gave you a chip on your shoulder because everybody said your season was over.  Edge: EVEN  
• Brian Kelly is known as a pretty good X's and O's man, but is terrible at predicting weather.   Brady Hoke doesn't wear a headset, and ignores the weather when getting dressed on gamedays, but has really good assistants (me thinks).  Edge: EVEN
• Devin is good.  Which one?  Both.  But Everett is good too, and is all rested from having a season off.  Edge: EVEN
• You have a mosaic of Jesus overlooking the field.  Edge:  ND

Notre Dame 34 - Michigan 28

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Tuba Says:

I texted this to Frank on Sunday:

"Just remember this: as much as college football plays no favorites - losing to OSU the day after Bo died - ND pulled out of this series. Don't think that won't be added motivation."

We hired Hoke because TRADITION! And he hired Mattison because, well, he's a kick ass coach but also TRADITION! These guys aren't going to let us lose this game. You don't think Mattison, ND's former DC doesn't want the last one in this series?! 

Golson is an exciting player. And in his case, absence makes the heart grow stronger. I'm not questioning his playmaking ability but DEVIN FUNCHESS MAN. They're rebuilding their D Line and we're establishing our O Line. If that's simply a push we score 40. If our line struggles we're still scoring 38. But think about their D Line for a minute, no Tuitt or Nix and their DC Bob Diaco fled for a head coaching job. 

I'm not sure how our D is going to hold up but we're not giving up 40. And that's the magic number right there. Trust me, you can fear Touchdown Jesus all you want, but we've got an edge in this one y'all. Believe it.

UM - 40 
ND - 27

Staff Predictions

Everyone realizes we don't have a staff, right?  But we do have a Tuba, who says this:

We're back. Interpret that as you feel.

Eyes on Michigan's offense to start the season and more specifically Michigan's offensive line. Make the "let's hope their not offensive" joke here. But I'm most excited about our receivers. I anticipate 2007 Michigan citrus bowl level excitement about the passing attack which is just shy of "rich rod elite offense" level excitement.

Despite the idiocitiy of this first game rematch, I still like our chances.

UM 45
App St 24

Me?  I say this in bullet points:

• Don't let them cross the 50 until late in the third quarter.
• One special teams touchdown
• Show no mercy

Michigan 48 - App State 10

Staff Predictions for Ohio

Tuba says:

As much as I want this to be 1995 or 1996 or 1997 - wow, that was a good run - John Cooper is not walking through that door. And maybe that's not fair, to focus on the ineptitude of the opposition, instead of Michigan's success but it's hard to focus on anything else when we entered "the game" with at least 3 losses and vastly underachieving:

1993 - 6-4 before beating a 9-0-1 Ohio State 28-0
1995 - 8-3 before beating a 11-0 Ohio State 31-23
1996 - 7-3 before beating a 10-0 Ohio state 13-9

These are the most recent upsets our fan base remembers and sadly, that's what we remember, the upsets, because rarely have we been favored in the last 20 years. In fact, we've finished with a better record than the Buckeyes SIX times in that stretch. SIX. And since 1998 we've won FOUR games against Ohio State. Let that sink in...

The "Michigan" people remember fondly is obsolete. Our history rests on the shoulders of a deceased, legendary coach and an aging, surefire NFL Hall of Fame Quarterback. 

I am naive however when it comes to what it takes to be successful in college football. But I watched every snap of the Arizona v Oregon game this weekend to see what could have been and there's some genius still out there in college football, even from those we've already deemed inept. So could that genius show up in Ann Arbor Saturday? 

Michigan 17 Ohio State 29

Webmaster says:

I'm tired.  I'm like Doc Holliday at the end of Tombstone...that kind of tired.  Choking on an unknown disease, reminiscing with Wyatt Earp, remembering better times.  But I'm going to show up to the battlefield for my friend, and fight for him...even if I die in the end.

Please boys, not without a fight.  Please.

Michigan 28 - Ohio State 38

Staff Predictions for Michigan Agricultural College

Tuba says:

It's always "Sparty this!" And "Sparty that!" And "wow, their defense and criminals!" And "oooh so Sparty" and I'm like, "who cares I'm from New York" and everyone else is like "oh tuba are you serious?!"

Michigan 24
 Sparty 20

 Webmaster says:

 You like boats, but not the ocean. You go to a lake in the summer with your family up in the mountains. There's a long wooden dock and a boathouse with boards missing from the roof, and a place you used to crawl underneath to be alone. You're a sucker for French poetry and rhinestones. You're very generous. You're kind to strangers and children, and when you stand in the snow you look like an angel.  

It's gonna be cold, it's gonna be grey, and it's gonna last you for the rest of your life.

Sparty 7
Michigan 6