Double Trouble

By Emily Dumphy​

When asked by the Webmaster to create a post prior to the season opener, I felt truly flattered. Then skeptical. I pondered why he'd want me to contribute to this otherwise male-dominated forum. Are they targeting a new demographic and want more women read the site? Maybe they're seeking the perspective of a Mid-Westerner turned West coaster on Big Ten sports? Or perhaps it is my intelligent wit that makes me a candidate for blogging. Then I figured it out.

It's my rack. My knockersjugstitscans etcetera.

You see, this is me in the above photo; I was the "face" of this site for a period of time after the shot was taken and had my bazumbas plastered on umtailgate.com far longer than I would have liked. I admit, I willingly (with the aid of a 9 a.m. twack of Budweiser) and proudly posed for this. But the reason for being a proud subject also happens to be the subject of this post - my t-shirt collection.

The obsession began with a dark heather gray Russell T with "BAMA" emblazoned across the front. Bought at a garage sale in 1996, this softer than chenille article made me crazy for the vintage t-shirt and I never looked back. In twelve years I have searched out and amassed an arsenal of t-shirts that could ring in at least a couple grand on eBay. Pre-Calvin and Hobbes anti-Buckeye fun - check. Big head NBA Larry Bird "Shootist Maximus" - done. Michigan Rose Bowl shirts too many to count. Fabric worn so thin you could clearly make out Goody's tatoos easily (I'm just sayin). Color combinations of maize and blue that would rival Moe's on North University. I have been stacking these into my closet, rotating what I have in storage for years now, making sure each garment has its chance in the sun, its day of glory.

In fact, the first UMtailgate.com shirt was designed and manufactured by me, sacrificing one of my trophy tops - the result, a light heather blue/navy ringer form hugging fit. Perfect home team "support" if you ask me.

Each piece is unique and perfectly worn in. Every one handpicked to become an integral part of my life and happiness. My shirts come into my daily rotation far less than I wish for. But each time I slip one on it is like I have had it on forever, kind of like an old friend.

Which is where I attempt to bring this post around from apparel to the subject at hand....friends, gathering, Saturdays in Ann Arbor. I feel so lucky to have amassed a collection of acquaintances over the past decade of meeting on the golf course. Even though I may not visit often, each time I do it is as reliable as a favorite t-shirt.

So raise your glass and toast to crisp Saturdays, cozy t's, well-worn friendships and to Tuba never wearing a midriff ever again.

See you all Saturday and Go Blue!

How to Tailgate with UMTailgate.com

​These are normally found using the link at the top, but are re-posted yearly before the season, usually with an update or two.  They mostly apply to the privileged few that are a part of our group...but can be somewhat universal if you use your imagination.  So here you go:

Here are some suggestions (Big 11 of them) to make your tailgating season fun and exciting:

#1: Bring Something. I don't care if it's a steaming bowl of poop, although bonus points go to those who surprise us with unique cuisine, unique drinks, unique outfits, unique decorations, or unique personalities. Bringing something is your pass to enjoy everything we have to offer at the tailgate.

#2: Eat Something. Dual reasons for this. First, we've got too much food, I promise just stay out of Godmother's cheesy potatoes. Second, you'll need something of substance in your gullet if you want to follow tip #3

#3: Drink Something. The tailgate is BYOB, though occasionally a specialty drink makes it's way onto the menu for all to enjoy.  Bring a giant mug and fill it with a cocktail of your choosing. Bring a cooler of beer and empty it into your belly before kickoff. Take a tug on the bowl of Yucca. When it gets cold, sip a mug of spiked coffee. In short, get drunk, because you're a lot cooler when you're drunk. And let's not forget, the best tailgating stories always seem to include (insert person here) had a lot to drink, and then he/she fell down (into the bushes / on the stadium steps / into that girl's chest). Later (he / she) groped the (daughter / son) of (insert former tailgater here). We found (him / her) passed out (on the grass outside the stadium / in their car / under their car).

#4: Hug the Godfather. Why? Because we said so. Especially if you have no idea who he is. Because the Godfather loves to get himself some "strange". Even better, if you liked it, you can do it again the following week because the Godfather never remembers you the first time.

#5: Respect the Hall. The members of the UMTailgate.com Hall of Fame. Recognize them, respect them, honor them. Don't know who they are? Check the flag.  We've got people here that have not missed a home or away game this century...seriously.

#6: Learn to Love. Respect all of the tailgaters, even those from the opposing team that are visiting us and wallowing in our dynasty and tradition. This applies to everyone except...

#7: Learn to Hate: Michigan State and Ohio State.  Don't mistakenly wear their T-shirts, their hats, and in most cases, their colors. This applies to tailgating and gamedays only...however, big bonus points if you apply this rule in your daily life, like me.

#8: Go to the Game. And try to make it there before kickoff.

#9: Go to an Away Game. Ya, we tailgate there too. Some long drives are in store for this season, but there's nothing like Saturday Night Football on the road, so quit being a candy ass and put on a white jersey.

#10: Ask Goody To Show You His Tattoos. It's not imperative for your enjoyment, but it makes me laugh.

#11: Follow the Theme. Yes, each tailgate has a theme, and the theme is posted with each game on the season schedule.

I Can't Wait

​It's been a busy day at the UMTailgate.com offices tying up loose ends.  I've received tons of email this week about where to go, what to do...how to tailgate.  The official rules will be updated tonight to reflect the upcoming season, and hopefully that will answer most inquiries in a FAQ fashion.

We've got three days.

The equipment has been dusted off, and the amount of space it occupies in my home is akin to the amount of space tailgating occupies in my life.  I'm excited about every aspect of the journey we are about to go on together....culinarily (not actually a word, but sounds good), socially, in the stands, on the field...

I can't wait for the domino run of brake lights as those in line for the golf course see that the gate to the tailgate has opened.  I can't wait for the look on Captain Michigan's face as I pop the rear door on my SUV and he sees the amount of equipment packed inside.  I can't wait for the sizzle of the potatoes that will hit the cast iron skillet, or the ribs as they meet 118,000 BTUs of grilling power.  I can't wait for that first (and decidedly too strong) sip from the mug of captain and coke.  I can't wait to greet the three people that attend Gar's tailgate.  I can't wait to feed Cooper.  I can't wait to see what everyone has brought.  I can't wait for that first burn-my-mouth bite of Pammy's cheesy potatoes.  I can't wait for what will likely be the largest group picture in our history.  I can't wait to wait in line at the corner to get out of the golf course and head to The New House.  I can't wait to get waived in at section 30 by the best security detail in college football.  I can't wait to make the turn to look up in the stands for Kevin and his cowbell.  I can't wait for the looks from the latest crop of freshman students wondering who the crazy fat guy is.  I can't wait for bandtakethefield.  I can't wait for the banner to be touched.  I can't wait for The Claw.  I can't wait for LeAnn to slip me some Henessey.  I can't wait for the wave after an insurmountable lead.  I can't wait for "it's great to be a Michigan Wolverine."

I can't wait to prove everyone wrong.

Behold the Power of "OR"

Hey, scrap that depth chart from yesterday.  The official chart has now been released along with this week's Utah pregame notes over at the worldwide leader in Michigan propaganda.  Lots of "or's" on the page.  Most notable?  McGuffie and Shaw, connected by an "or," sitting quiety ABOVE Minor and Brown at the running back slot.  Good or bad?  You decide.  The crowd will no doubt go apeshit as the offense trots onto the field for the first time with Mr. YouTube #2 in tow.

Cutting the excitement with a knife will be an understatement.  Seriously, whatever you are envisioning, double it.  Because the slightest success will be met with a raucous response in this new era of the unexpected.

Anyway, 9 "or's" have found their way on to the offense depth chart, while the defense seems shored up and "or"-less.  Some of them are bad, like one of the two starting offensive returnees, Carson Butler, finding himself in a three-way "or" with Mike Massey and freshman Kevin Koger...or the giant elephant in the room on the field that is the battle for the field general spot between Threet and Sheridan.  The remaining "or's" are more of an either-or situation.  Moosman at center or at right guard...wide receiver and early arrival Darryl Stonum at X or Y.

Hey, it's not so much the "or" itself.  It's the choice that is made. And don't forget that hindsight is 20-20.  Important to remember when you think back to old "or's," like Jason Gingell OR KC Lopata....or Tom Brady or Drew Henson.

In other news of note for you BTN lovers...it's Michigan week all week.  Big Ten Legends: Lloyd Carr airs tonight (Tuesday) at 6pm, followed by Michigan over Alabama and Shawn Alexander in the 2000 Orange Bowl.  MGoBlue has the details.  Also, don't forget about the premier of the Michigan Replay replacement on Thursday night at 6pm on FSN.

4 freakin' days.