In many ways...you wish it actually was the 80's. So celebrate the time of Bo, show up tomorrow in some 80's gear, and be ready for some Duran Duran. On the morning menu...
See you there.
Ya, we're 0-1. Everything we witnessed on Saturday pointed to a season of struggles. How does one get by in this era of transition, bad quarterbacks, and out of sync lineman?
Drinking, that's how.
The tailgate will continue regardless of the outcome on the field, and it will do so with vigor. So, following the rules of tailgating, after you get some substance in your belly...you need to pour a tasty beverage over it. Stuck tailgating at family friendly Pioneer High? Try a can cover from the geniuses at canouflage. You too can fake out the 5.0 by swilling on a can of Mountain Spew. It's also good for walking to the stadium without worrying about the corner police confiscating your last chance for a beer before the four hours known as "the game."
Can't hold out for the whole game...but can't miss the game. It's a problem many of us die hards deal with weekly. There's nothing worse than losing your nice buzz through four quarters of sobriety and having a walking hangover by halftime. Fear not, you sick, alcoholic bastard. Get yourself a Beer Belly and enjoy sipping on...or mixing with stadium coke...your favorite beverage all game long. This monstrosity holds 80oz of liquid. Two suggestions if you go with this option: #1 is that you best be sharing or you will find yourself in a hospital. 80 shots is too much, so spread the love. #2 is to keep in mind that it is difficult to wear a beer belly flask if you already have a sizable beer belly. This applies to many of our tailgaters...yours truly included. Another option for sneaking in some spirits...The Disposable Flask. Easily pocketed and undetectable to the metal wands, this flask should get you through Sheridan's 4th interception with its 7.5 ounces.
You can get all James Bond with your efforts as well. Try a cell phone flask. They look a bit dated, like most of the Godfather's cell phones, but should serve the purpose. The binocular flask looks like the real thing when hanging around your neck, and holds a full 16 ounces. Finally, we have the camera flask. Fake like you are a newcomer and snap a fake photo of the Big House as you walk past security, then slowly sip the 4 ounces to keep that buzz on all game.
So don't give up on your drinking achievments, study your Whiskipedia, and we'll see you Saturday with your popped collar for the 80's themed tailgate.
Youth Wins Out Over Experience
Two weeks ago, TheWolverine.com released their quarterback scouting report. They discussed Matt Gutierrez, the national media's consensus heir apparent to John Navarre. They discussed Clayton Richard, two-sport star and southpaw, who looked like the number one backup. They also discussed Chad Henne. Expecting to read the phrase "will be red-shrited" I was surprised to instead read that he was leaps and bounds ahead of his development schedule, and was competing not only to back-up Matt Gutierrez, but also to replace him. The quote on the page read "don't be surprised if Chad Henne starts the season opener". A flabergasting if not unbelievable turn of events...that a 19 year old freshman that arrived on campus in August, and had participated in just 27 practices, was primed to challenge two guys that had participated in almost 4 years of reps combined.
Then Monday came, and the announcement was made. Matt Gutierrez will be the quarterback. But as if hiding behind a veil of secrecy, Coach Carr would not discuss the backup quarterback, nor would he discuss how he told the quarterbacks who would start. Is that a secret? The method with which you tell your quarterbacks their order on the depth chart? Michigan conspiracy theorists unite, because I submit that the job was still up for grabs. Camp arm? Camp arm doesn't keep you out of your first ever start as a Wolverine QB. Either you've got a serious injury that we aren't privied to hear about, or your ego is more sore than your shoulder...or as discussed today at the press conference, your elbow. The wall was high around Fort Schembechler for the remainder of the week leading up to Saturday's kick off. The Free Press plastered a full-face page of Gutierrez on the Friday sports section. Nobody knew. In fact, nobody knew until an hour before kickoff, when word began to trickle in. Gutierrez injured. Henne's got the start.
Believe it. A true freshman is quarterbacking your team. Yes, he was a bit shaky at first. And yes, it wasn't the offense you expected. However, there is no reason to think that things would have been better if #12 had lined up under center. We hide our offense. We hide sets, we hide plays. We hide them from three teams: Notre Dame, Michigan State, and Ohio State. So if you truly believed that Matt Gutierrez was the quarterback that was going to lead the Michigan Wolverines to the promised land, then believe this... Chad Henne is better than Matt Gutierrez, and is better equipped to lead you to the land you so desire.
On Saturday however, we didn't need a quarterback, we didn't need a running back. In fact, the offense didn't even need to take the field. A smothering Wolverine defense dismantled the vaunted attack of Miami of Ohio, forcing seven turnovers and putting the Wolverine offense in position to score on almost every possession...if they didn't put it in the end zone themselves. Michigan routed Miami of Ohio 43-10, a rout that looks great on paper, to the rest of the country, and to the poll voters. But a closer look shows that the Wolverines sustained only one drive of more than 50 yards, and that the anemic offense had trouble running the ball, averaging only 2.9 yards per carry against a MAC school. Last year the Wolverines averaged under three yards per carry only four times... three of those were losses. So let's hope that the plays we were hiding on Saturday were from our ground game.
And We Tailgate...Hawaiian Style
Luau music filled the air, pineapple rum filled our glasses, and leis adorned our chests. After over eight months of being apart, we reunited with old friends. Between hugs and toasts, we reminisced about previous seasons, talked of our summer exploits, and debated the 125th edition of Michigan football. We didn't miss a beat: food, fun, friends, football...and yellow socks. It's what we live by from September through November, and what we pine for from January through August.
They're Not Scared
On Saturday, September 4th, 2004, the Miami of Ohio football team will bring their team to the Big House. And they've been here before. In 2001, Redshirt Sophomore quarterback John Navarre took the helm after Drew Henson was wooed by the evil empire. A young phenom named Roethlisberger lined up under center for the Redhawks. Calvin Bell and BJ Askew had to come up big on offense, and some timely interceptions gave Michigan a 31-13 win. Let me refresh your memory a bit... we scored once on a 4th and goal play-action pass, a holding call negated a 41-yard touchdown for the RedHawks to start the second half, the Wolverines were stopped on a 4th and 1 play. It wasn't pretty, and it could have been MUCH closer. Now these same kids are seniors, and they're coming back...albeit without Ben Roethlisberger.
I'm not trying to say that we're going to lose this game. Instead, I am trying to make you aware that this team is not a pushover. A win over this team is not just some crap win over a crap team. If and when we defeat this team, it will mean something. The RedHawks finished last season ranked #10 IN THE NATION. They return two receivers that combined for over 2300 yards, a linebacking core that includes John Busing, who led the nation in interceptions by a linebacker, with 5...including 2 he returned for touchdowns. And let's not forget Ryne Robinson, Miami of Ohio's answer to Steve Breaston who broke Miami and MAC records for single season punt return yardage. An underdog with impeccable special teams and senior leadership is often the recipe for disaster.
Trivia: Who has the nation's longest winning streak? Answer: None other than Miami of Ohio, who after Saturday's win over Indiana St, 49-0, increased their winning streak to 14 games. They last lost on August 30th, 2003. OVER A YEAR AGO. They lost 21-3 to Iowa. We lost 30-27 to Iowa last year, and 34-9 in 2002...on homecoming in the Big House.
That Voodoo That We Do So Well
Well my friends the time has come. Dust off your yellow socks, the 2004 season is here. Well, that is unless you are Captain Michigan, who has been known to wear yellow socks year round. Here are some suggestions (Big 11 of them) to make your tailgating season fun and exciting:
#1: Bring Something. I don't care if it's a steaming bowl of poop, although bonus points go to those who surprise us with unique cuisine, unique drinks, unique outfits, or unique personalities.
#2: Eat Something. Dual reasons for this. First, we've got too much food, I promise...just stay out of Godmother's cheesy potatoes. Second, you'll need something of substance in your gullet if you want to follow tip #3...
#3: Drink Something. Bring a giant mug and fill it with a cocktail of your choosing. Bring a cooler of beer and empty it into your belly before kickoff. Take a tug on the bowl of Yucca. When it gets cold, sip a mug of spiked coffee. In short, get drunk, because you're alot cooler when you're drunk. And let's not forget, the best tailgating stories always seem to include...(insert person here) had a lot to drink, and then he/she fell down (into the bushes / on the stadium steps / into that girl's chest). Later (he / she) groped the (daughter / son) of (insert former tailgater here). We found (him / her) passed out (on the grass outside the stadium / in their car / under their car).
#4: Hug the Godfather. Why? Because we said so. Especially if you have no idea who he is. Because the Godfather loves to get himself some "strange". Even better, if you liked it, you can do it again the following week...because the Godfather never remembers you the first time.
#5: Respect the Hall. The members of the UMTailgate.com Hall of Fame. Recognize them, respect them, honor them. Don't know who they are? Check the flag. Tip your hat to Bubba and Stephen too. They've been to 88 straight home and away Michigan games, and they're not even in the Hall...yet.
#6: Learn to Love. Respect all of the tailgaters, even those from the opposing team that are visiting us and wallowing in our dynasty and tradition. This applies to everyone except...
#7: Learn to Hate. Michigan State. Ohio State. And just for this year, Iowa. Don't mistakenly wear their T-shirts, their hats, and in most cases, their colors. This applies to tailgating and gamedays only...however, big bonus points if you apply this rule in your daily life, like me.
#8: Go to the Game. And try to make it there before kickoff.
#9: Go to an Away Game. Ya, we tailgate there too. Everything this year is within easy driving distance, so quit being a candy ass and put on a white jersey.
#10: Ask Goody To Show You His Tattoo. It's not imperative for your enjoyment, but it makes me laugh.
#11: Follow the Theme. Yes, each tailgate has a theme, and this week's theme is luau. So put on a lei and bring some pineapple-upside-down cake.
Following these suggestions will provide you with the best opportunity for an enjoyable gameday afternoon. Hope to see you there.
Click here for the Miami of Ohio preview page.
Percentage Watch
Notre Dame: wins 796 losses 258 ties 41 percentage .746
Michigan: wins 833 losses 274 ties 38 percentage .744
Up Next... Miami of Ohio postgame!
GO BLUE!
The Webmaster
Over the Hill: 50 Straight For 2 Tailgaters
Those who stay will be champions. Bubba and Stephan W attended their 50th straight Michigan game on Saturday, enduring what may have been the most boring Michigan victory ever. The Godfather presented several of us with commemorative champagne with personalized labels marking the boys place in history.
Not to be outdone, Bildo presented all of us with new Michigan Nike hats, and Goody presented several of us with personalized Michigan hats. The gifts, speeches and hugs...the season is starting...the family is together again.
Finally, several message board regulars were able to put faces with message board names. It was nice to meet some people for the first time... even though I already felt like I knew them.
The Captain Drinks Some Captain...Then Goes the Way of Jordan
About half way into the tailgate, our friend Larry dissappeared. Minutes later, Captain Michigan appeared with a duffel bag full of yellow socks and passed them out to the tailgaters. He announced that he was ready to leg wrestle again...right now. He quickly disposed of Goody, Tuba, and Brian. I warned you all...don't ever count out the Captain. He'll be leg wrestling until his 6 feet under...and then he'll wrestle God.
It Doesn't Get Any Bigger
No doubt, the Michigan vs. Miami of Ohio tailgate was the biggest ever. I am pretty sure that everyone that I've ever known was there. Noticibly absent were the Bolivians, who I thought might make the trek from South America for the game. A quick shout out to those that travelled from far away to make it to the game... Bildo and Tuba flew in from New York, and UManiac came in from Wisconsin. I tip my Michigan hat to all of you that come to the tailgates despite the fact that every game is an 'away' game for you. I want to thank everyone for attending the first real tailgate since the creation of UMTailgate.com. People know us, people know this website, and the support and thanks I received throughout the day (especially that which came from people I have never met) is enough motivation for me to keep this thing running forever.
Up Next
The Wolverines travel to Seattle for their next game against Washington. Washington has some of the same issues that Michigan has...new QB, new Offensive Line. It should be an interesting matchup. It would really SUCK to fly all the way out their to watch us lose, so cross your fingers for the Maize and Blue and the travelling tailgaters.
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