Henne Out for ND...Welcome Ryan Mallet to Our Nightmare

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​I've never really spent a lot of time reading Jim Carty, but Jesus H. Christ, he really loves Michigan Football. He isn't just writing fluff pieces, he is a real life fluffer...he's fluffing the shit out of us. I'm literally uncomfortable talking about it. I feel dirty. Let's look at the titles of his last few article titles...all written in the wake of the "season on the brink" :


And while I scoff at his blind love, and can't help but appreciate it, just a little bit. There's certainly something to be said for loyalty here. Through thick and thin...for richer or for poorer...and what not.

But there needs to be a change. And I'm scared of it...and there's a part of you that's scared too. We are Michigan. We fear change. We don't want Noah's Arcade coming in here and screwing up Wayne's World.

Imagine if Bo hadn't retired in the early 90's due to deteriorating health and he continued to coach, you know, like JoPa. The results would have probably been basically the same over the past 17 years. Maybe a little better, maybe a little worse. What we, the Michigan fans, and the scrutinizing public are calling for, is the firing of Bo, or at least Bo's legacy. He built this program in the modern era. He, even after his passing, is still your coach. So yes, the prospect is a bit scary.

No doubt, the game has passed by our antiquated Michigan system. But we've skated through. We've always been good (or at least serviceable). So there has been no urgency for a revamped system. But now...now we are not good. The bubble has burst. We are the only Big Ten team without the taste of victory. Our rival has our number. So, do you give Lloyd one last chance to change it, just to keep it in the family? Or do you finally break this family up and go back to 1969?

Does Lloyd want that chance?

All tough questions. Certainly a much tougher decision than choosing to boo a group of innocent 20 year olds...or chanting "Fire Lloyd"...or pining for the benching of your 4-year starter at quarterback, then for all intents and purposes cheering his injury. BTW...as if you didn't know, Mallet is staring on Saturday. Shame on you...you know better. So suck it up. I'm not saying you have to like it, but your character will be better if you do more than just endure it. Ten more weeks, then maybe a bowl game...and then we can answer all the questions...

...or just simply bring on Chucky.

Notre Dame 'Til We Die

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​Odd news, really.  It seemed likely that the Notre Dame - Michigan series was destined to end for a little while, if not longer, as of 2011.  2011?  Quite a ways away.  Five more games, two more visits to South Bend, and then perhaps a chance at an interesting home-at-home with SOMEBODY DIFFERENT.  But it was not to be.

As most no doubt have heard (or read on the message board), out of nowhere Michigan and Notre Dame renewed their series...through 2031. That's a really, really long time.  To put it into perspective, despite the national media who thinks we've been playing every year since 1898, Michigan and Notre Dame have met only 34 times (Michigan holding a 19-14-1 advantage by the way), and this new contract adds 20 more meetings.  This extension conjures up a few thoughts and feelings...

The Good:

  • If Notre Dame can actually "Return to Glory" with a little more frequency, this is a pretty cool non-conference opponent.

  • Every other year, we're on NBC, which guarantees we won't be shuffled to the much maligned Big Ten Network.

  • Sweet #1 all-time vs. #2 all-time matchup.  Note: Notre Dame is #2.

  • Getting to see generations of Ron Powlus clones come through the system with big Heismann hype leaving with nothing but a fruity green alternate jersey.

  • 10 more parties with the Godfather in Stevensville.

  • First hand charting of Charlie Weiss's Oprah-like weight fluctuation

The Bad:

  • I would like to play somebody different...travel somewhere different. 

  • 9 out of 10 rednecks and hippies already think Notre Dame is in the Big Ten, negating the cool non-conference aspect for those outside the midwest.

  • Notre Dame's 83-50 record over the past ten seasons ranks them just below Miami of Ohio for that time period.  In other words, they kinda suck.

  • Bo said "The hell with Notre Dame."

  • T-shirt costs from parties at the Godfather's may force the Godmother to get a night job.

  • The unlikeliness that we'll be alive when the contract needs to be renewed again.


**UPDATE**  Transcripts from the negotiation to renew this conract were leaked to Autumn Thunder, and are available by clicking here.

I'm Huge In Japan...and The Missing Pics

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​Ya, my mouth writes checks my body can't cash. No pictures went up last weekend, due for the most part to a blinding night of imbibing during an international DJ gig followed by what I've now classified as Bird Flu. Hmmmm...international DJing...Bird Flu...not many can make that combo possible. The long and the short of it is I'm in Japan doing "real job" stuff, which is great if you like salmon on your breakfast buffet, poor air conditioning, and scaring small children and the elderly with your very presence. Either way, my hiatuses between posts have been justified, but I apologize anyway. So, if you don't mind taking a break from ruining some poor girl's life (I'm talking to you Johnny Cleveland), perhaps I can catch everyone up on the goings on of at least one UMTailgater experiencing a true life version of Lost in Translation.

First and foremost, tailgater Lisa celebrated a monumental birthday last month, and friends made the trek from all over the country to eat, drink, celebrate, and most certainly see Lisa cry at the prospects of turning 30. She did not disappoint, though the tears came late in the evening, and we have her brother Meatball to thank for that. Birthday party success depends on having a story to remember come from the event, and I certainly got one. In short, it involves holding back hair, wiping puke off of shoes, and conning a cab driver by assuring him that Lisa's state was just from "being tired." It was a great weekend, and the pictures do not do it justice...but they are available here nonetheless.

On the Japan front, let me sum it up quickly for you. It's hot, it's humid, and it's raining. The latter is not so much a problem as it is a nuisance, but the heat and humidity combined with a governmental regulation on air conditioning makes it feel like a retread of UCLA 2000.

Though thoroughly exhausted when the weekend comes, I did manage to make a trip from my home base of Toyota City (near Nagoya, Japan) to Tokyo. More specifically, I spent a night in Roppongi, a ex-pat's paradise touted as "Las Vegas without the casinos." And it was. I would classify it as more of a clean version of New Orleans, following the pattern of bar, bar, bar, restaurant, strip club...repeat 100 times. At 4am, it looked like a bustling metropolis during rush hour. We made our camp at Gas Panic, and 3 tiered club/bar named after the 1995 terrorist attack that centered at a nearby train station. Yes, I said named after a terrorist attack. Anyway, arriving early and commandeering a table, we met people from all walks of life, and from all over the world. In an odd bit of coincidence, I managed to bump into Air Force cornerback Nate Smith, who immediately became my best friend when he declared his hatred for Ohio State and Notre Dame. He went as far as to say he can't wait to lay a hit on Brady Quinn's successor and the latest QB with Ron Powlus-esque hype, Jimmy Clausen. Nice. We hope to break a couple of his ribs early in the season for you Nate.

Goodbye My Evil Friend: Michigan 47, Notre Dame 21

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​As Touchdown Jesus solemnly watched the setting sun in South Bend on Saturday, one of the last of the non-video-aided scoreboards in college football, an homage to the throwback atmosphere of Notre Dame stadium, was still illuminated with the evidence. Michigan was here. And it was not the Michigan of years past, who came in with quiet confidence and left with their heads hanging wondering what went wrong. In front of as much God as you find in a college football atmosphere, the Wolverines were "born again." They were loud. They were punishing. They were a sleek machine that moved with a speed and purpose. They were exactly what you thought they should have been...in every game since 1997.

From my Ten Yard Fight perspective, I watched in utter amazement. I saw Prescott Burgess set the tone with an interception return for a touchdown on the second play from scrimmage. I saw Chad Henne rebound under intense pressure after throwing a bad interception early to toss not one, not two, but three laser-guided balls to Mario Manningham for touchdowns. I saw the defense hit Brady Quinn nineteen times. And as hope dangled from the thinnest of strings for Notre Dame, down by 19 with under four minutes to play in the fourth quarter, I saw Lamar Woodley pick up a Quinn fumble and rumble down the sideline, stiff-arm a trailing John Carlson, and scamper into the endzone, ending any and all doubt that Michigan Football was back. 

The Michigan section erupted in celebration and emotion, swimming in that feeling. The Irish faithful filed out, leaving only The Victors in the stands, and "It's great to be a Michigan Wolverine" echoed in the hallowed home of Notre Dame. The clock struck zero, Lloyd got a bath in championship fashion, and the team headed straight for the corner, helmets removed in celebration, to join the band in a rousing chorus of the greatest fight song ever written. The boys in blue offered up a salute to their traveling fans and made their way to the tunnel. But that feeling didn't go with them, it made its way to the concourses, and back to the cars in the parking lot. And it's sitting with me right here, right now. Magic happened, and there was nothing that anyone, not Charlie Weiss, not Brady Quinn, could do to thwart it. It was our time, our day.

As I exited Notre Dame stadium, soon after yet another humorous chant of "Rudy! Rudy!"...I saw him. He looked at me and pointed. Then he waived goodbye. Dejected and homeless, the monkey that had resided for so long on the backs of the Michigan team and the Michigan faithful went against the grain of the exiting crowd and made his way down towards the field. I turned to leave before seeing where he ended up, but I could swear he was heading for Charlie's office.

So what do we do now? We enter a Big Ten season undefeated for the first time in seven years. No goals to reset or evaluate. Everything is still intact. In a matter of four hours, Michigan went from backstory to front page news. The Wolverines moved up to #6 in both of the polls. The media is already looking forward to two 11-0 teams meeting in Columbus. But we cannot afford to look ahead, not even for a moment. Everyone will now see us coming, starting with Wisconsin.

15830Two UMTailgates were run simultaneously, one on location in South Bend, the other at the home of the Godfather. By all indications, including the level of intoxication of the guests I interacted with when we returned to the Godfather's house, both tailgates went very well. Another successful week on the field and off. As the Godfather says, "We're hitting our stride now....GO BLUE." See you all at home on Saturday.

The Staff Weighs In: Notre Dame

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​I'd like to start by sharing a link to a video of Chad Henne's former coach making a pregame speech. (Thanks to Kevin Cowbell for this one). OMG.

After this week is over, I'll have some kind of composite table showing the prediction prowess of the three prognosticators and the XBox. But for now:

The Hammer:

It is fair to say, Notre Dame has not faced a defensive line like Michigan's. Hopefully that matters. Someone who apparently gets paid to write about College Football for CSTV predicted Notre Dame 45, Michigan 17. He's a graduate from Lindenwood University, the NAIA powerhouse we all know and love. This maddens me. A link here to my disrespected article might be appropriate.

Needless to say I'll be the guy in the front row with the played out "we believe" sign. (Please don't tell ND about our secondary. Yikes!)

Michigan 24
Notre Dame 20

Lamar Woodley for Heisman, Mike Hart for NFL MVP.

Johnny Cleveland:

I am Irish. I am Catholic and my favorite all time quote is "Fuck Go Blue". This will be a mismatch, for once we are prepared. Contrary to the idiots who think the tougher ND schedule helped them, our light load has given us 3 weeks+ to get ready for this one. Of course our 2 touchdown halftime lead will require us to institute our prevent and Quinn will lead them all the way back. However little does the Hammer know, our secondary will eventually appear and J. Stew will get a late pick to make it 3 for the game for Quinn and we waltz with a 35-28 victory. Tough day for the Irish, no more #2, no more title hopes, and no more Heisman hopes.

Offensive MVP: Mikey Hart
Defensive MVP: Alan Branch

The XBox:

Notre Dame 33
Michigan 18

The Webmaster:

I've watched our games against Vandy and CMU ad nauseam. I saw ND vs. GTech in its entirety. Based on that alone, I can't see how ND can match up with us. Unfortunately, like Pavlov's Dog, when the bell rings and tells me that it's the first road game of the year, and that we're playing at ND, disappointment sets in before kickoff. Six straight road openers, and I attended each of them. As far away as Seattle and as nearby as South Bend, all with similar results. Should have won. Could have won. Fell apart in the end.

And that my friends is the balancing act when it comes to this year's football season, and predicting this game. Which way to go? Pack it in and swallow your pride...or believe. Believe that this year it IS different. Believe that zone run blocking and a stunting defense is the key to success. That somehow, someway, Magic will happen inour favor. Believe that this is our time. Can you do it? Can the Wolverines?

YES.

Michigan 35
Notre Dame 24

Offensive MVP: Chad Henne
Defensive MVP: Rondell Biggs