Slaphappy Staff Predictions for Michigan Agricultural College

​The Hammer:

This week has proven to be the toughest for me by far. This is vintage Michigan State, acting the fool just to make a possible upset bid all the more disgraceful to our school. Typical MSU, NOT typical Michigan. This is game one of the long road to the promise land my friends. Matt Trannon might have more completed passes than Drew Stanton this week. I'll give them 10 just because...but that's being generous. The only motivation Michigan ever needs should be proving that "last week" was no fluke. Validating each win with another win. Catch my drift?! Getting better every week. We go into week 6 needing to validate our 5-0 record and we'll go into week 7 needing to validate 6-0.

Michigan 31
East Lansing 10
(wait till you see the enthusiasm of their fans when they take a 7-0 lead, only to get three the rest of the way)

DMVP - Shawn Crable
OMVP - Mike Hart

Johnny Cleveland not available (drunk) at press time.

XBox Says:

Michigan 28
Michigan State 13

The Webmaster:

I'm with the Hammer in that this has got "bullshit call gives Sparty victory" or "broken play gives Sparty victory" written all over it. So we cannot afford to keep them in our rear view mirror. They must be buried. And after Lamarr removes torso from legs, you can get your shovels out. Michigan will win, cover, and unfortunately end the Michigan State career of John L. Smith. We will miss you John L...you crazy bastard.

Michigan 27
Michigan State 6

Predicting the Destination of the Jug

​The Hammer:

I'm willing to concede that Minnesota's offense will be a stiffer test than Wisconsin's. They have more balance and a somewhat less predictable attack. With that being said, their defense should be no match. I'll give the Gophers 17 points but we're dropping 31. This will be another game that frustrates me at times because of play calling but I'm hoping we get things strait before Michigan State. Bring back the jug.I'm thirsty damn it!

Michigan 31

Minnesota 17

Offensive MVP: A. Arrington

Defensive MVP: L. Hall

Johnny Cleveland:

Nomally an 8pm'er in the HHH would signify trouble, especially with the Spartans on deck. However, when you have a half dozen NFL players on the defensive side of the ball, you tend to rest a little easier. Could be close for quite a stretch with their ground game and experienced QB, but turnovers break it open eventually. Don't be surprised if the Gophers air it out early...but in the end we dance in Dinkytown!

Michigan 38

Minnesota 21

OMVP: Chad Henne

DMVP: Terrance Taylor

The XBox:

Michigan: 42

Minnesota: 27

The Webmaster:

No looking ahead when it's Revenge Week Part 3. They celebrated on our field. They planted a flag Sparty style. They took our jug. We are coming to fix all of it.

Michigan 34

Minnesota 13

OMVP: Mike Hart again

DMVP: Alan Branch again

The Pre-cogs Don't Just Predict Wisconsin...They Know

​The real season begins Saturday! And much like the first three games, the Wolverines will come out victorious. Pay back game number two will certainly produce a more difficult challenge than the pathetic job the

Irish attempted to complete in South Bend. The Badgers have a tough defense and should provide our toughest test to date. With that being said they won't score more than 13 points. And if they hold us under 13 I'll become a

Badger fan (bad weather not included).

Michigan 30
Wisconsin 13

Chad Henne Offensive MVP
Lamar Woodley NFL MVP

Johnny Cleveland:

Still flying high from ND win, the squad rolls the badgers and easily covers the spread:

Michigan 48
Wisconsin 10

OMVP: Grady
DMVP: Crable

The XBox:

Michigan 34
Wisconsin 7

The Webmaster

After what happened last Saturday, anything that the Wolverines accomplish against Wisconsin will look like a letdown. But I just can't figure out how the Badgers are going to cross the goal line.

Michigan 31
Wisconsin 6

OMVP: Hart behind Obi Oluigbo
DMVP: Branch

The Staff Weighs In: Notre Dame

​I'd like to start by sharing a link to a video of Chad Henne's former coach making a pregame speech. (Thanks to Kevin Cowbell for this one). OMG.

After this week is over, I'll have some kind of composite table showing the prediction prowess of the three prognosticators and the XBox. But for now:

The Hammer:

It is fair to say, Notre Dame has not faced a defensive line like Michigan's. Hopefully that matters. Someone who apparently gets paid to write about College Football for CSTV predicted Notre Dame 45, Michigan 17. He's a graduate from Lindenwood University, the NAIA powerhouse we all know and love. This maddens me. A link here to my disrespected article might be appropriate.

Needless to say I'll be the guy in the front row with the played out "we believe" sign. (Please don't tell ND about our secondary. Yikes!)

Michigan 24
Notre Dame 20

Lamar Woodley for Heisman, Mike Hart for NFL MVP.

Johnny Cleveland:

I am Irish. I am Catholic and my favorite all time quote is "Fuck Go Blue". This will be a mismatch, for once we are prepared. Contrary to the idiots who think the tougher ND schedule helped them, our light load has given us 3 weeks+ to get ready for this one. Of course our 2 touchdown halftime lead will require us to institute our prevent and Quinn will lead them all the way back. However little does the Hammer know, our secondary will eventually appear and J. Stew will get a late pick to make it 3 for the game for Quinn and we waltz with a 35-28 victory. Tough day for the Irish, no more #2, no more title hopes, and no more Heisman hopes.

Offensive MVP: Mikey Hart
Defensive MVP: Alan Branch

The XBox:

Notre Dame 33
Michigan 18

The Webmaster:

I've watched our games against Vandy and CMU ad nauseam. I saw ND vs. GTech in its entirety. Based on that alone, I can't see how ND can match up with us. Unfortunately, like Pavlov's Dog, when the bell rings and tells me that it's the first road game of the year, and that we're playing at ND, disappointment sets in before kickoff. Six straight road openers, and I attended each of them. As far away as Seattle and as nearby as South Bend, all with similar results. Should have won. Could have won. Fell apart in the end.

And that my friends is the balancing act when it comes to this year's football season, and predicting this game. Which way to go? Pack it in and swallow your pride...or believe. Believe that this year it IS different. Believe that zone run blocking and a stunting defense is the key to success. That somehow, someway, Magic will happen inour favor. Believe that this is our time. Can you do it? Can the Wolverines?

YES.

Michigan 35
Notre Dame 24

Offensive MVP: Chad Henne
Defensive MVP: Rondell Biggs

Central Predictions

​The Hammer:

I can't wait for this game. I hope Dan Bazuin is as good as advertised

because we need to work out the kinks on the offensive line. And yes you

can have kinks after one game. We'll still win this one with what will

become our calling card this year...a well executed running attack. But it

will be a tough one in the big house.

Michigan 24
Cmu 10

OMVP: Mike Hart
DMVP: Rondell Biggs

Johnny Cleveland:

Due to his respect for his former team, coach DeBord plays it conservitive
and a couple sustained drives end in field goals. However a turnover and
some trick plays give Central an early lead 10-6. The D is scorned at
halftime and for the sake of the Chips hopefully their quarterback is able
to sustain life. A late touchdown run by Forcier caps a solid second half
preparing us for South Bend.

UM 35
CMU 13

OMVP: Chad Henne
DMVP: Alan Branch

The Webmaster:

I have a few statements to make that are totally non-game related:

1. I am offended by Central's use of an American Indian mascot.


2. Michigan State once lost to Central Michigan in back-to-back seasons.


3. I can't get a grip on these short weeks


4. Chad Henne might still win the Heisman

And then a few game related ones:

1. Mike Hart will get 175+


2. Steve Breaston will get a special teams touchdown


3. Central Michigan will not score

Michigan 45 - Central Michigan 0

OMVP: Mike Hart
DMVP: Legendary Leon