Return of the Utes

The co-architects of one of the worst football contests has returned to avenge their 10-7 defeat at the hands of our fair Wolverines.

No preview today, we're cooking (huge cop out)...but here are some fun facts/bullet points:




• Get a t-shirt from the BYU faithful


• Why the Utes sucked last year.


• That's what they did with the train from Silver Spoons!!!!


• The Utes may have been here before you.  Actually, the Utes may have been here before anyone.


• Yes, they are one of the few still allowed to have an American Indian mascot. They get a pass because they would also need to rename the state of Utah if it were deemed offensive.

Check List

I've woken up early the last two mornings. Tuesday at 8 am and Wednesday at 9.15 am in an effort to prepare myself for the first tailgate. Unfortunately neither of those times are really that early compared to the actual time the alarm is going to go off Saturday morning. As the Spindoctors said, "It's not late its early, early." I disagree. In my life 5 am is time to go to bed not get up. Anyhow 5.45 am is going to be a harsh reality but hopefully that will be the only thing Saturday representative of that description. I'm scared! And excited! And scared!

(NOTE: Did the David Terrell interview during the Big Ten Network replay of the 2000 orange bowl freak anyone else out besides me?)

Anyhow, over the past few days (besides watching inappropriate amounts of the Big Ten Network) I've been putting together a check list to get myself prepared for my trip out to Ann Arbor. I tried to recap the things I've accomplished over the last few months as well as any last minute tasks I needed to complete before my flight. Here's what I came up with...

Check list:

1) Warm up. I had a foot long veggie delight from Subway with yellow peppers and jalapenos in anticipation of any potential feats of strength competitions.

2) Work out regimen. I drove roundtrip to Rochester, New York Wednesday, a total of 700 miles and on my way back down I stopped in Syracuse, New York at Dinosaur bbq.  FYI, I got the Sampler Extreme.

3) Hydration. Was at a wedding Saturday that started at 3pm. Got home at 1am. (As if I really needed the wedding as an excuse...)

4) Mindset. Spent an hour Monday with a shrink for the first time however even he couldn't help calm my fears about our offensive line.

5) Check vital signs. I've been keeping an eye on my cholesterol for the last year. Got that baby up from 200 to 260. "More pork sausages mom!"

6) Nutrition. Now that my official weight surpasses the aero mattress maximum (which is totally fine because now I don't need to come up with an excuse to sleep on the floor) and most plastic lawn chairs and rapidly approaching, ironically enough, the "Wii fit" weight limit I'm all set for Saturday's festivities!

This outdoor set would be simply out of the question...

With that said I'll leave you with the thought of the day...

Leading up to the 8am tailgate there's often panic about getting to "our spot." But frankly who the hell is lining up at 7.30 am to pay $40 for entry that doesn't already know where they're parking?!

See you soon!!

Double Trouble

By Emily Dumphy​

When asked by the Webmaster to create a post prior to the season opener, I felt truly flattered. Then skeptical. I pondered why he'd want me to contribute to this otherwise male-dominated forum. Are they targeting a new demographic and want more women read the site? Maybe they're seeking the perspective of a Mid-Westerner turned West coaster on Big Ten sports? Or perhaps it is my intelligent wit that makes me a candidate for blogging. Then I figured it out.

It's my rack. My knockersjugstitscans etcetera.

You see, this is me in the above photo; I was the "face" of this site for a period of time after the shot was taken and had my bazumbas plastered on umtailgate.com far longer than I would have liked. I admit, I willingly (with the aid of a 9 a.m. twack of Budweiser) and proudly posed for this. But the reason for being a proud subject also happens to be the subject of this post - my t-shirt collection.

The obsession began with a dark heather gray Russell T with "BAMA" emblazoned across the front. Bought at a garage sale in 1996, this softer than chenille article made me crazy for the vintage t-shirt and I never looked back. In twelve years I have searched out and amassed an arsenal of t-shirts that could ring in at least a couple grand on eBay. Pre-Calvin and Hobbes anti-Buckeye fun - check. Big head NBA Larry Bird "Shootist Maximus" - done. Michigan Rose Bowl shirts too many to count. Fabric worn so thin you could clearly make out Goody's tatoos easily (I'm just sayin). Color combinations of maize and blue that would rival Moe's on North University. I have been stacking these into my closet, rotating what I have in storage for years now, making sure each garment has its chance in the sun, its day of glory.

In fact, the first UMtailgate.com shirt was designed and manufactured by me, sacrificing one of my trophy tops - the result, a light heather blue/navy ringer form hugging fit. Perfect home team "support" if you ask me.

Each piece is unique and perfectly worn in. Every one handpicked to become an integral part of my life and happiness. My shirts come into my daily rotation far less than I wish for. But each time I slip one on it is like I have had it on forever, kind of like an old friend.

Which is where I attempt to bring this post around from apparel to the subject at hand....friends, gathering, Saturdays in Ann Arbor. I feel so lucky to have amassed a collection of acquaintances over the past decade of meeting on the golf course. Even though I may not visit often, each time I do it is as reliable as a favorite t-shirt.

So raise your glass and toast to crisp Saturdays, cozy t's, well-worn friendships and to Tuba never wearing a midriff ever again.

See you all Saturday and Go Blue!

How to Tailgate with UMTailgate.com

​These are normally found using the link at the top, but are re-posted yearly before the season, usually with an update or two.  They mostly apply to the privileged few that are a part of our group...but can be somewhat universal if you use your imagination.  So here you go:

Here are some suggestions (Big 11 of them) to make your tailgating season fun and exciting:

#1: Bring Something. I don't care if it's a steaming bowl of poop, although bonus points go to those who surprise us with unique cuisine, unique drinks, unique outfits, unique decorations, or unique personalities. Bringing something is your pass to enjoy everything we have to offer at the tailgate.

#2: Eat Something. Dual reasons for this. First, we've got too much food, I promise just stay out of Godmother's cheesy potatoes. Second, you'll need something of substance in your gullet if you want to follow tip #3

#3: Drink Something. The tailgate is BYOB, though occasionally a specialty drink makes it's way onto the menu for all to enjoy.  Bring a giant mug and fill it with a cocktail of your choosing. Bring a cooler of beer and empty it into your belly before kickoff. Take a tug on the bowl of Yucca. When it gets cold, sip a mug of spiked coffee. In short, get drunk, because you're a lot cooler when you're drunk. And let's not forget, the best tailgating stories always seem to include (insert person here) had a lot to drink, and then he/she fell down (into the bushes / on the stadium steps / into that girl's chest). Later (he / she) groped the (daughter / son) of (insert former tailgater here). We found (him / her) passed out (on the grass outside the stadium / in their car / under their car).

#4: Hug the Godfather. Why? Because we said so. Especially if you have no idea who he is. Because the Godfather loves to get himself some "strange". Even better, if you liked it, you can do it again the following week because the Godfather never remembers you the first time.

#5: Respect the Hall. The members of the UMTailgate.com Hall of Fame. Recognize them, respect them, honor them. Don't know who they are? Check the flag.  We've got people here that have not missed a home or away game this century...seriously.

#6: Learn to Love. Respect all of the tailgaters, even those from the opposing team that are visiting us and wallowing in our dynasty and tradition. This applies to everyone except...

#7: Learn to Hate: Michigan State and Ohio State.  Don't mistakenly wear their T-shirts, their hats, and in most cases, their colors. This applies to tailgating and gamedays only...however, big bonus points if you apply this rule in your daily life, like me.

#8: Go to the Game. And try to make it there before kickoff.

#9: Go to an Away Game. Ya, we tailgate there too. Some long drives are in store for this season, but there's nothing like Saturday Night Football on the road, so quit being a candy ass and put on a white jersey.

#10: Ask Goody To Show You His Tattoos. It's not imperative for your enjoyment, but it makes me laugh.

#11: Follow the Theme. Yes, each tailgate has a theme, and the theme is posted with each game on the season schedule.

One last Thanks to LC

​Last night the BTN premiered it Legends of the Big Ten, Lloyd Carr edition.  The show was good but I thought this quote was important for all of you to remember:

"First, you as a Michigan Man, are a part of something that is bigger than you are. And if you don't understand that then you don't understand what it is.  It starts with being a team guy, a guy that is going to give everything he has, he's going to play for his teammates, he's going to play for Michigan, he's going to try to win for Michigan and in a nutshell that's what it means to me." - Lloyd Carr

Even as things change: new offense, new pregame entrance, new Victors Walk, new muscle mass, new stadium, new tailgate equipment... whether you are a student, a player, a fan or more importantly a UMTailgater, remember...

IT'S ABOUT THE TEAM!!!

GO BLUE