Reminder: How to Tailgate

#1: Bring Something. I don't care if it's a steaming bowl of poop, although bonus points go to those who surprise us with unique cuisine, unique drinks, unique outfits, unique decorations, or unique personalities. Bringing something is your pass to enjoy everything we have to offer at the tailgate.

#2: Eat Something.

 Dual reasons for this. First, we've got too much food, I promise.  Just stay out of Godmother's cheesy potatoes. Second, you'll need something of substance in your gullet if you want to follow tip #3

#3: Drink Something. The tailgate is BYOB, though occasionally a specialty drink makes it's way onto the menu for all to enjoy.  Bring a giant mug and fill it with a cocktail of your choosing. Bring a cooler of beer and empty it into your belly before kickoff. Take a tug on the bowl of Yucca. When it gets cold, sip a mug of spiked coffee. In short, get drunk, because you're a lot cooler when you're drunk. And let's not forget, the best tailgating stories always seem to include (insert person here) had a lot to drink, and then he/she fell down (into the bushes / on the stadium steps / into that girl's chest). Later (he / she) groped the (daughter / son) of (insert former tailgater here). We found (him / her) passed out (on the grass outside the stadium / in their car / under their car).

#4: Hug the Godfather. Why? Because we said so. Especially if you have no idea who he is. Because the Godfather loves to get himself some "strange."  Even better, if you liked it, you can do it again the following week because the Godfather never remembers you the first time.

#5: Respect the Hall. The members of the UMTailgate.com Hall of Fame. Recognize them, respect them, honor them. Don't know who they are? Check the flag.  We've got people here that have not missed a home or away game this century...seriously.

#6: Learn to Love. Respect all of the tailgaters, even those from the opposing team that are visiting us and wallowing in our dynasty and tradition. This applies to everyone except...

#7: Learn to Hate: Michigan State and Ohio State.  Don't mistakenly wear their T-shirts, their hats, and in most cases, their colors. This applies to tailgating and gamedays only...however, big bonus points if you apply this rule in your daily life, like me.

#8: Go to the Game. And try to make it there before kickoff.

#9: Go to an Away Game. Ya, we tailgate there too. Some long drives are in store for this season, but there's nothing like Saturday Night Football on the road, so quit being a candy ass and put on a white jersey.

#10: Ask Goody To Show You His Tattoos. It's not imperative for your enjoyment, but it makes me laugh.

#11: Follow the Theme. Yes, each tailgate has a theme, and the theme is posted with each game on the season schedule.

Our 15 Seconds of Fame Strikes Again

For those without facebook, or those who are not my friend in the virtual sense....and if you didn't read the comments on the last post...and if you have a job and can't watch Sportscenter at 11am...

UMTailgate.com hit the mass media once again being picked for a brief quote on Sportscenter's Blog Buzz.  Thanks to Shap Dog (Sammy) for getting the screen grab.  Rumor has it he also has video...maybe coming soon.  Anyway, pretty cool.  We'll put it on the mantle next to the Orlando Sentinel, the Detorit News, and the Ann Arbor News.

A Call to Arms

The world woke up to "scandal in Ann Arbor" today, and in my life, there has never been anything more blown out of proportion than the allegations from the now-dead-to-me Free Press.  And wow, was it picked up everywhere.  It filled the airways of local and national talk radio, and took up the first 15 minutes of the 30 minute College Football Live.  It lead Sportscenter.  It came up in my RSS reader from CNN, Yahoo Sports, EDSBS, Deadspin, and literally every football blog large and small.  Sure, there were a few cheap shots taken, and that's fine.  There was also some signs of support, and a few comments about how the amount of workout time cited in the allegations seems to be in line with the rest of the college football world.  In the end, all the negatives will be dwelled upon, and all the evidence that shows Michigan did no wrong will be forgotten.  All that will remain is the stigma that has been created, even fabricated, that Rich Rodriguez is a bad person.

The press conference commenced at 11am, and it seemed all eyes were transfixed on Ann Arbor, and on the eyes of our coach.  He took to the podium, and choked up during his opening statement.  Welled up just short of streaming tears, he looked, on a day where he should be game-planning for the most important contest of his Michigan career, like a broken man.  A man that came here from West Virginia...a man that came HERE from West Virginia.  Somehow fault is found by Michigan fans in the fact that he left his alma mater...to come HERE.  It's held against him, against his character.  He's shady, they say, without recognizing that he sacrificed everything, his friends, his reputation in his hometown, and the affiliation with the University that he attended and played football for.  And he did it all, not for the money, as his raise was minuscule in comparison to most school to school transfers, but for MICHIGAN.  He fought the lawsuit for breach of contract not to save himself $4 million, but to save MICHIGAN $4 million.

We've lived in a box for far too long.  40 years of the same regime.  40 years of the same type of athletes.  40 years of establishing the run.  40 years of Big Ten dominance and Big Bowl losses.  40 years of the quiet band and quieter crowds, waiting around for something really special to happen before they utter anything but "down in front," waiting as if the team owed them something.  40 years of calling plays from the stands, and praying that the next play was going to be that signature trick play, the double-reverse.  I've said it before, and I'll say it again:  You asked for it to end.

Rich Rodriguez brought in a new system.  Well, new to Michigan.  And somehow we were all surprised when it failed the first year.  Really?  You thought that the athletes recruited to play in Lloyd Carr's offense would be able to run Florida's offense?  When's the last time Michigan stopped a mobile quarterback?  That's the type of player that played for Michigan...tough, slow, deliberate.  We had all the talent in the world when it came to stopping Ron Dayne, but Donavon McNabb...not so much.  We had the men in place to jam it down your throat 50 times with Chris Perry, but ask John Navarre to dodge a rush or throw on the run?  Forget about it.  So we had 100+ square pegs slated to perform in their round holes.  Not surprising, many of those players did not like their round holes, so they transferred.  With every dissention, the world laughed and mocked us.  The dissenters cited family values and coach's character, because leaving and saying "I'm a complete pussy" doesn't read well in the paper.  They left because either they were not made for this system (Ryan Mallet), or they were not willing to make the sacrafice to change their bodies and their regimen to become a contributor in the new system (Benedict Boren).  Conclusion:  THE RICH RODRIGUEZ SYSTEM IS MORE DIFFICULT THAN THE OLD SYSTEM.  In my world, that equates to THE RICH RODRIGUEZ SYSTEM IS BETTER FOR WINNING FOOTBALL GAMES THAN THE OLD SYSTEM.  And yet, with every transfer, you felt like we were losing something, that Coach was doing something wrong.  The truth is, he was doing something right.

They are saying we are working too much. Personally, I don´t think we´re working hard enough. - Mark Ortman

So when the Freep article cited their anonymous sources that included some "current players," you would be wise to conclude that either they were naive Freshmen that had their words twisted, or that they were current players, "square pegs," that have found themselves usurped on the depth chart by a younger player or find themselves without the wherewithal or balls to transfer themselves.  In short, on the Michigan roster right now, there are players that are cowards, and perhaps a few that are cowards with an agenda.  And yes, I'm probably bashing them a little too much.  They are student athletes.  They are young men that were put into a difficult situation, an odd transition.  Perhaps it's not all their fault.  But I am absolutely certain of one thing....it's not Rich Rodriguez's fault either.

What I saw today at that podium was a man that has tried to do everything to appease the fanbase.  He is a man that believes in his system and is trying to make the right decisions on how to mesh his youthful process with very old traditions.  He has taken his family and uprooted them from all that they've ever known, transplanted them here, and engulfed them in maize and blue.  And what has he found?  What is his reward?  A fanbase that doesn't believe in him, and a local media that treats him worse than the alma mater he left behind.  He might be better off back in West Virginia.  WE, however, will not be.  How much more of this can Rich Rodriguez take?  How much pressure can be put on him?  This is not Philadelphia.  This is not New York.  We are not assholes.  So why are we acting like assholes?

When Michigan takes the field on Saturday, they will be going up against so much more than just Western Michigan.  They will be facing a mass media that is ready to pounce on them if they lose, and ready to talk about workout schedules if they win.  They will be facing a fan base more ready to boo an offensive three-and-out than cheer a defensive one.  They will be facing the internal fight between those who believe in the system and those who don't.  With all of that, it's hard to believe that they are expected to win on Saturday.  But that's what I expect.  Because I believe.  In Michigan.  In Rich Rodriguez.

Because I'm FUCKING ALL IN, and if you're not, then stay out of my way.

You're next Clausen, you little bitch.

Weekend Roundup: Pissed Edition

​A 24-hour roller coaster, that's what I've been on.  You probably had a nice Sunday.  Probably watched the Tigers beat the Rays and enjoyed the cool fall-preview weather.  Me?  I surfed the internet, because, well, that's what I do best.  Scouring the ends of cyberspace, I took in the good and the bad.  I went from worried to indifferent to vindicated to pissed off.  What was said and what wasn't is compounded by interpretation of voluntary or involuntary, and in the end, it all looks like complete bullshit.  Bullshit that conveniently came out 6 days before kickoff.  I'm not naive about the feelings of the college football nation with regards to our program.  I just never felt the hate like I did today  They smell blood folks.  They hated where we were under Bo, Mo, and Lloyd, and they hate where we might be going with Rich Rodriguez.  Michigan bought a coach.  We purchased our very own Urban Meyer for $4 million.  We knew what it was going to cost.  We knew what we were doing.  And that is what has everybody so scared.  We're attempting to make the next step...to continue our dominance.  That is why everybody wants us to fail.

The internets, the internets, the damn internets...

The General Says: Calm Yourself Down

Using a technique learned via the greatest hoop coach of all time, I did some research of my own. I called some current and former writers at the Detroit Free Press. You will be surprised at what I found out:

Several different writers and editors not wishing to be named, stated that about "85 percent of the male sportswriters and staff are having extramarital affairs with sheep"

Also as far as the quality of material offered by the Free Press I give you another one from RMK:

All of us learn to write in the second grade. Most of us go on to greater things.

Fire up for game week folks !!!