No, no, really, I meant Akon. 


Tell me you didn't love Sweet Escape.  That whole woo hoo....WOO HOO...woo hoo....WOO HOO...that was awesome.  That was Akon.  

Man, Wisconsin got jobbed on Saturday night out in the desert.  But the thing about getting jobbed is, it can only happen if you put yourself in a position to get jobbed.  Don't want the refs to make a mistake that cost you a game?  Well, then don't need a field goal at the end to pull out a win.  Wisconsin's loss capped off a disastrous weekend for the Big Ten.  Good thing the writers, the pundits, and the pollsters will all forget how bad the league is by the end of the regular season.  Not to worry, we'll all remind them again during bowl week.

Games like Saturday's in the Big House happen.  It's just that, even in a world of worst case scenarios, they happen against teams at the bottom of your own league.  For example..."Oh shit, we were sleepwalking through that one and damn near lost to Indiana."  That is horrible, but acceptable.  But Akron?  Akron is the Indiana of the MAC.  This was impossible.  App State would beat the crap out of Akron.  

There should be a hangover from the previous week.  Notre Dame, as shitty as it looks like they are, was still a rival opponent on a huge stage.  Michigan should be looking ahead to the Big Ten...and probably should be thinking about resting up for a torrid November.  Michigan should look at Akron and think they are inferior, that they deserve no respect, and that the game is a joke.  Michigan should be ill prepared, and unable to get motivated for a noon kickoff.  Noon kickoffs in September are for the bottom feeders. 

And given all of those things, Michigan still should have won 156-0.

Maybe I'm wrong.  Maybe the parity of college football trickles down to that level now.  Maybe the hodgepodge group of kids Terry Bowden threw together via FCS and juco transfers are really talented.  Honestly, there were a lot of times when I wished we had Akron's quarterback.  He's 1/10th of the athlete that Devin is, but he made great decisions all day, particularly when he fired the ball out of bounds multiple times when under pressure or when he couldn't find an open receiver.  That's what you do sometimes...you concede a play in order to avoid a colossal mistake.  You can't make every play, even against Akron.  

Devin threw like Denard on Saturday, and I'm talking first-pitch at the Tiger game Denard.  Any points he earned during Under the Lights 2 have been summarily erased.  Listen, I liked Denard Robinson, but the Denard Robinson years were not easy.  He was not a great quarterback, but he was a great "something."  He somewhat earned passes for his mistakes by occasionally winning entire games all by himself.  Devin hasn't earned shit yet.  We are not rebuilding from the smoldering ashes of the Rich Rodriguez era anymore.  This isn't funny.  This isn't cute.  Devin is not Denard.  Now, if Mr. Gardner heads into East Lansing and is a world beater against little bro, or if he pulls a game winning drive out of his ass in Happy Valley, or if he keeps pace with the Buckeyes and finds a way to get us to Indy on his shoulders....then by all means he can throw a pick six or two.  Until then, he's going to need to get his shit together, because I think he was an ass-hair away from being replaced by a true Freshman and starting a split faction Henson-Brady-like fanbase.

We were in a position where we should have lost.  And it's in that place where bad things happen.  Where things like what happened to Wisconsin happen. Do you remember the relief you felt when Michigan got into field goal range and was going to pull it out against App State? As bad as it was all game, everything was going to be fine and right with the......and then it was blocked.  And then it was over.  And it really hasn't been right since.  It could have happened again on Saturday.  Very, very, easily.  Could've been pass interference or defensive holding on that last play.  Terry Bowden could've pulled out that Boise State statue of liberty play....we would have bit.  One less stop.  One more penalty.  One bad call.  One thing, anything, and the season would have ended in week three.  That's why you put teams away.  That's why you step on necks.

They're saying today that good can come of this.  That this is where we rally the troops, and that we are lucky that we got a wake up call without having to take a loss.  I guess.  But I don't think we are going to wake up a find that our offensive and defensive lines suddenly don't suck, or that Devin has decided to suddenly play smart football.  I guess maybe it will wake up the coaches, and remind them that they need terrific schemes because the personnel is not quite ready.  

Damn.  What a difference a week makes.

East coast bound...GO BLUE!  


Theme Revealed: 9/14 Akron

Let's make pizza together in this thing...


I've been practicing knocking out Naples-quality pies all spring in the KettlePizza, and I will continue to do so throughout the summer.  I've made some modifications to my setup and I think I've got it down.  It's a labor of love...and massive piles of fresh mozzarella.  Anyway, this little contraption turns out a badass pizza in less than two minutes, so there should be no problem feeding the crowd.

9/14/13 Akron
Kickoff: Noon
Theme: Pizza Party

Early kickoff means pizza for breakfast?  Yep, it's just like college.  We'll do a couple of breakfast pies early (bacon and egg, etc) before moving into some traditional (pepperoni, mushroom, etc.) topped ones later in the morning.  We'll do some crazy ones too I'm sure.  I'll bring the dough and a plethora of meats and cheeses, but we'll definitely open it up to the masses to bring your own toppings.  Unlike Kramer's place, I'll be the only one sliding it in to the oven.  The damn thing gets about 3X as hot as the turkey frier oil.  

We will have some sides too I'm sure, likely pastas and salads, and maybe a keg of beer is in order?  Pizza and beer...sounds like a plan.  Bonus points to whoever can get us an arcade size Ms. Pac Man or Galaga to perfect the ambiance.

Also, following the tailgate, I am tentatively officially announcing the first annual UMTailgate Aprés Tailgate.  Why?  Partially because I always wanted to but never had the opportunity, and partially because I'm getting married to our cakemaker over the summer and we want a chance to celebrate with everybody.  Obviously, it will be limited to our tailgate members and their guests only, and will take place at our home following the game.  Not exactly sure what it will entail, but there will be food...and football games on the tv.  Details to follow at a later date.