Not So Super, Mario...and Friends

​Must give credit where credit is due, as Johnny Cleveland broke this story from the open vault that is Downriver back on Wednesday, just hours after the bust occurred in Monroe County. I had neither the balls nor the inclination to take down my current favorite Wolverine player right here on UMTailgate.com without first hand info, so I did what any self respecting fake journalist would do...passed it on to a higher power that I knew would act responsibly. Now the story has hit the mainstream media moguls at The Monroe News, who doesn't name names, but does give us some hope.

Long story short:

Four dudes in a car, two are football players, two civilians, and they are on their way to Ohio. Why they were travelling to that God forsaken state we'll probably never know. They get pulled over, the two civilians have weed on them. In the car, they find a bit of weed and some Vicodin. The two players? Mario Manningham is one, and the other is not yet confirmed but is rumored on the forums to be a quarterback. Are Mario and Chad hanging out? Probably not. Not sure who owned the car, though I'm fairly certain it did not belong to Ed Martin...because Chris Webber killed him. And the hope? MGoBlog says it best (as it usually does):

This is probably a pot bust and a first offense. He could even be the legal Vicodin guy -- he did have some surgery in the offseason. There's no way he gets in serious trouble for this if he's even in trouble. Maybe a slap on the wrist against Appalachian State, but nothing big. (Please?)

Ya, I was kinda hoping we'd never hear about it, ya know, Ohio State/Florida State/Miami style. Oh well.

Massive Roundup

​What you (and I) might of missed while staring at that community chest card:

• This kid will never have a chance. Especially since it is highly likely that his parents are at least cousins. By the way, my first born: "Fielding Lloyd."


• Around the Oval debates Florida becoming the new Michigan, and reminds us all why they throw human and dog feces at us when we visit for games. Reasons like '95, '96, and '97.


• Kurt Vonnegut passed away, known to many as a famous author, but known to most of my education level for his cameo in "Back to School."


• Tommy Amaker is going to Harvard. And at his opening press conference...the sonofabitch wore a tie.


• In the wake of Coach B replacing Coach A, Harris and Grady decided to stay at Michigan. Alex Legion, however, went all Benedict Arnold on us. He and Joe Crawford can rot in hell together.


• I've been waiting five years to be able to prove to the world that we're as good as Duke.


• Lloyd is going to speak in his hometown...which is my hometown...at a venue I work at quite often. How nice.


• As long as Ron Coleman is happy, I'm happy.


• Happiness is taking pleasure in the pain of others. Or maybe that's just being evil.


• Nebraska blog analyzes Spring Game attendance. I contend that weather should be factored in...disappointing nonetheless.

Rumors of My Demise Have Been Grossly Exaggerated

​With 23 days between posts, I imagine our resident jester Goody is about half-way through a two-sentence post titled "the webmaster is lazy" that has a load of spelling mistakes and at least one misuse each of "too/two/to" and "your/you're." Alas, I do apologize for the long absence. For those unaware, I have been to the Land of the Rising Sun, where I thought I would have time to post every day...but didn't account for long hours, longer commutes, and ingesting pig's ear. You haven't lived until you've seen a 300+ pound man attempt to use Japan's public transportation system. I also figured that perhaps Johnny Cleveland or The Hammer would drop some knowledge on the group. It didn't happen, but let me tell you folks, it ain't easy posting in the offseason.

So much has happened since the last post, I don't know where to start. But allow me this brief diatribe...

I am getting a funny feeling about the upcoming season. There is a palpable feeling of indifference about the Wolverines. In fact, you're probably feeling it right now. Don't fret, it's not your fault, there are several reasons for this. 

• The veritable home/away unbalance in our schedule coupled with a lackluster Big Ten conference left us with all of our marquis matchups on the road. This made it nearly impossible for the 2006 Wolverines to connect with the fans. Solution: Change the schedule around? Well the schedule tends to fix itself, through the rotation in and out of two teams on the slate...although it may take a couple years, and it only effects the Big Ten Schedule. It doesn't change Notre Dame and Ohio State both being at home or on the road. Penn State and Ohio State are also in home/home-away/away sync, at least through 2010.


• The last home game was against Ball State, and the home finale should never be against a team from the MAC. This was a result of the semi-forced 12 game season killing the bye week, not much we could do on short notice. Couple that with the fact that we came out so flat against them, leaving home fans with a lasting image of the defense having to step up on a Cardinal possession that could have resulted in the most embarrassing loss in college football history. Solution: Looks better for this year, as the odd non-conference game is early, an October 6th meeting with Eastern.


• Ending the season with two losses..again. 2004: Ohio State, Texas. 2005: Ohio State, Nebraska. 2006: Ohio State, USC. Ending the season on a sour note leaves you with a sour taste going into the next season. Not to mention the fact that we've lost three straight to the Buckeyes, which is sickening on so many levels. Solution: Must...beat...Tressel. Must...win...Bowl Game.


• Ohio State's success. Not just against us, but their appearance in the championship game and their Heismann trophy winning quarterback. And lets not even get into their appearance in the Final Four. Puke. Now. Thank god for Florida. Solution: Goodbye Troy Smith, goodbye Ted Ginn, goodbye Greg Oden.


• Off-season embarrassment. Carson Butler, the last hope for having a tight end, "broke some rules"...twice in a week in fact, and was booted with a couple of other players, Eugene Germany and Chris Richards. Adrian Arrington, the leading candidate to be #2 behind Mario, was uninvited to Spring Practice for also "breaking some rules." All of this activity put the Wolverines in contention for theFulmer Cup, which is not an honor. Now, according to an inside source, Mario Manningham has also screwed up...no word yet to what extent or what his status will be with the team...more to come in a future post. Solution: Stop acting like the Cleveland Browns.

With some big home games, including non-conference action against the Oregon Ducks and Notre Dame, things will be better from a fan's perspective, perhaps even exciting...in a good way, not the Ball State way. And while we must concentrate on a strong finish, an early or mid-season flub-up would be almost as devastating. Translation: beat Ohio State and win the Bowl Game, but tread carefully against Penn State and Michigan State, who are far beyond overdue to trip up the Maize and Blue. And let's not forget the late trip to Madison...

More to come before I head back...

Buckeyes Fall Again, Oden Retires, Unborn Baby Wins Tournament Challenge, Gators Take Over College Universe

I can't believe they gave Ohio State a rematch! Didn't these two teams just play 100 days ago?!?!? Who would want to see a rematch?!?!? The Buckeyes had their chance. Why do they get to play each other again?!?!? Hmmm. I guess that argument only works for football.

Q: How many national titles in basketball and football did the Michigan Wolverines win this year?

A: The same number as Ohio State...ZERO.

For the Thad Five, a reality version of the Western Dolphins, it was an amazing (but most certainly illegal) run at a National Championship that ended at the hands of the latest sports dynasty, the Florida Gators, a team from a school that is in the middle of some kind of Tiger Woods-like run at a college sports Grand Slam. And as much as I hate the Gator's monopoly, I hate The Program more, and I am therefore willing to concede and congratulate Florida and more importantly thank them for thwarting the Buckeye efforts on the court, and on the field.

Cue that fruity chop you bastards, it doesn't change the fact you once lost to John Navarre.

Immediately following the game, Greg Oden announced that he will be moving to a retirement community in Arizona. He chose Arizona to be close to his grandchildren.

In UMTailgate.com Tournament challenge news...

For the first time in history, an unborn baby beat the field. The Demski Offspring, previously mentioned here, out-picked all of the air-breathers to take first place. Second place came down to a tiebreaker between Todd Muck of Toyota and David DeMaggio (no relation). Muck took the tiebreak coming just 4-points away from picking the exact total score.

Congrats to our winners! Check out the final standings here.

Goodbye Coach A, Hello Coach B

​In a world where it is nearly impossible to keep a secret, the negotiation and offer of the Michigan Basketball coaching job to John Beilein has been fairly well hidden. Oh, and Andy Katz pronounced it "Bee-line," so that must be right (confirmed: Wikipedia). While we all know there is something going on, we are not sure what it is. Looks like we have to pay $2.5 million dollars to buyout his contract. And while I must admit that before Amaker's graceful exit I had never heard of Coach B, the fact we have to dump cash that amounts to more than twice Lloyd Carr's salary gives this guy instant credibility, at least for me. Couple that with a Elite 8 and Sweet 16 appearance in the two seasons prior to this year's NIT glory, and perhaps we've found ourselves a coach. I've heard some impressive jargon, like "runs a set offense based on a modified backdoor Princeton style."

Stop. You had me at offense. 

I'm not sure what it is that makes me trust Bill Martin's decision making, maybe it's the fact that he personally answers all of his email, that he was once chaired the Olympic Committee, or that he formed a four person committee that includes 1984 NIT MVP Tim McCormick to find a new coach. (The blogosphere calls that "tongue in cheek.") Whatever it is, I like the guy, really. He sacked up to dump Tommy, even when Mary Sue was against it because of her love for Stephanie Amaker. He's done right by the football team, keeping Michigan men coaching Michigan (read "left Lloyd alone"), properly honoring Bo, modernizing the Old House with some Club Seating and suites (ya, I'm pro renovation), and adding seat licenses that are still among the cheapest of the elite programs. And while he's made a few mistakes (Amaker, Crisler Arena, Appalachian State) he has done an honorable job saving an athletic department that was crooked and hemorrhaged money under Tom Goss. They call it "benefit of the doubt." Not sure why, but that's what they call it.
There will be loads of questions to be answered regarding the incoming coach...

• Can he hang on to the incoming class? Will Legion, Harris, and Grady stay?


• Can he recruit in the 'D'?


• How will he handle the power of the angry midget? Will he have to?

From the growing internet buzz, this looks like a done deal. I mean, if MGoBlog says it...it's true. And he's got it at 95% based on West Virginia insiders saying that they are openly looking for a new coach.

And as I finish writing this...CBS and Fox picked up the news. All links and info stolen rudely from MGoBlog, who is no doubt the leader and best at what he does.

So the Beilein era begins at Crisler. Change is good.