Illinois: A Frat-tastic Preview

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​If you are lucky enough to have made the trip to Champaign, Illinois in a past season, you know that you can smell the excitement there. Seriously, you can smell it. There's some kind of manure farm nearby, and you will spend the day wondering if the smell is there all the time, or if you showed up on a bad day. As someone that has made multiple trips to Shitsville, USA, I can tell you first hand that it's always there. This Saturday, with the 7pm local kickoff, that smell will have permeated our clothes, our hair, and our soul. I can't wait.

What you might not know, but may have inferred, is that the fans of the Illini and the student body hate us. It's as if we ruined their lives at some point in the past. In actuality, we haven't ruined anything...at least anything that wasn't already ruined...usually. In case there are hard feelings, allow me to apologize:


  • For taking your 0-3 Big Ten record to 0-4 in 2004 by a score of 30-19. (Note: Mike Hart 234 yards)

  • For taking your 0-3 Big Ten record to 0-4 in 2003 by way of a 56-14 nailbiter, on your way to a 1-11 mark for the season. (Note: 12 different Michigan receivers caught passes and John Navarre went 18-27 for 203 yards)

  • For knocking you off 45-28 in your first Big Ten game of the season in 2002 before you went on to 5-7 glory. (Note: Bennie Joppru had 74 yards receiving...that's a tight end folks)

  • For handing you 1 of 2 losses you had on the season in 2001. Wow, you were 10-2 in 2001! Your other loss? LSU in the Sugar Bowl. Amazing. So, ya, really sorry about that 45-20 pasting. (Note: Marquise Walker threw a 51-yard touchdown pass toJermaine Gonzales in this game....shame on you)

  • For the refs not calling that Anthony Thomas fumble a fumble at the end of the 35-31 victory we had in 2000. You could have gone 6-5 instead of 5-6. That sucks. Also sorry for bringing in Drew Henson for John Navarre at the half. That did you in, as did the fake punt we ran. Yes, we ran a fake punt. Pretty sure that was the last time we did that. So, sorry. (Note: David Terrell had 6 catches for 116 yards, including a 57-yard Henson-to-Terrell special. Pretty sure that's the last offensive play we've had go for more than 50 yards.)


I guess that takes care of this century. I could go deeper, but the Wolverines are 65-21-2 all-time against the Fighting Illini. I'd end up having to apologize a lot.

Fun facts:


  • Illinois has 12 wins since 2004, and I'm including this "miracle" season's 5 wins in that totals.

  • In 1997, while Michigan was busy perfecting a 12-0 season, Illinois was perfectly abysmal, going 0-11 on the year.

  • Illinois has had 5 winning seasons since 1990.

  • Illinois broke a two-year Big Ten losing streak with their 23-20 victory over Michigan State last year. At that time, it was also just their 2nd Big Ten win in four seasons. Just thought I'd remind you that Michigan State also sucks.

  • There are 96 fraternities and sororities in Champaign, the largest Greek system in the world....outside of Greece, I imagine.

  • The library system in Champaign is 3rd largest in the U.S., behind only Harvard and Yale.

  • John Phillips Sousa called the Illinois band the "World's Greatest College Band" in the 1920's.


The Season:


  • Illinois is 5-2 on the season. Big wins include Penn State (27-20) and Wisconsin (31-26). Embarrassing loss: last week against Iowa (10-6).

  • Illinois boasts the 8th best rushing attack in the country, which includes 45 yards per game from Isiah "Juice" Williams.

  • Illinois has the nation's 22nd best scoring defense, allowing only 18 points per game.

  • What are they bad at? Passing: 113th in the nation with 151 yards per game. Net Punting: 111th in the nation with 31 yards garnered per punt.

What do I think?

  • Mobile quarterback of darker persuasion means they will score points, frustrate you by converting 3rd downs after we have the quarterback dead in our sights, and make plays that we never make. Juice is like Dixon without the whole passing thing. That passing thing is kind of important though, so maybe we can pull this out. However, I hate wounded animal games. Plus we have to play the wounded animal in their home cage, leaving the friendly confines for just the second time this season...and this ain't Northwestern boys. And just when I think all signs point to the Illini upset, I remember Mike Hart. Mike Hart. Mike Hart. Mike Hart.

Some Links:

The Weekend Roundup: Fab Five Edition 10/16/07

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​Timeless? Yes, timeless. Some of us are old enough to remember the Fab Five. Our own Bubba and Sister Kristen were there for their arrival on campus. Countless others attended Michigan because of them. Their baggy shorts, their swagger, their demeanor...it was, for lack of a better word, the coolest thing ever to happen at the University of Michigan. Unfortunately, it all ended badly back in the early 90's. No National Championships in two Final Four appearances, an untimely time out, and only a skeleton crew of Ray Jackson and Jimmy King hanging around for the duration.

More unfortunately, it didn't actually end with the exit of the Fab Five. Marred by cash payouts, money laundering, and grand jury testimonies, the Fab Five left a mark on Michigan Basketball that was as black as their socks. Their legacy endured, with a continuing history of paid players like Louis Bullock and Robert Traylor. They made this team uncoachable. They made this team unfollowable. They were the scissors that cut down the banners, when they should have been cutting down the nets. They, for lack of a better term, ruined Michigan Basketball. 

Timeless Jalen? Absolutely.

We digress to the rest of the computer server generated news from the weekend...

This is Homecoming....This is Home

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​Let me start by saying that Michigan showed up on Saturday. As previously posted, minus our limited skirmish with one member of the Axis of Evil, we have failed to look like anything remotely resembling a quality football team in our games, and particularly in the first half of those games. No matter how inferior the opponent, we have played down to their level. Not so against Purdue. It was the performance we were waiting for from Chad and Mario. Having that tandem clicking along with Mike Hart is exactly what we need to have through November.

If there was ever a statline that conveyed the idea of "nuff said," it's this one: Michigan did not have a single three-and-out offensive drive. So there it is...'nuff said. Michigan 48, Purdue 21. And considering I have an Elliot-E.T. type relationship with Mike Hart, I can tell you that we're a little sore, it's a light sprain, and we plan to carry the load and keep Juice off the field next Saturday.

It is with a warm heart that I move the focus of this post from the events on the field of play to our tailgate home on the golf course. Saturday marked my 100th consecutive Michigan Football game. It's something that some may call an "accomplishment." Others may find completely crazy. It is a feat that is not completely foreign to UMTailgate.com, as our own Bubba and Stephen hit the mark together two years ago, and have continued the streak (along with having six kids between them) up through today. Regardless, it is something I am happy to have done and am certainly proud of. Moreover, the UMTailgate.com flag, created in 2001 to honor the best of our tailgaters, now flies proudly over our tailgate with my name on it, the 8th name to be added in our 8 seasons of existence as UMTailgate.com. And as funny or pointless many may find this privately run UMTailgate.com "Hall of Fame," it is an honor for me to be included with this amazing group of people.

 I relived the ceremony through the pictures just moments ago (nice photog work Tuba), and wish to extend my sincere thanks to Stephen, Captain Michigan, and the Godfather for their kind words and great gifts...and a shoutout to their wives too. Thanks to my family...The Old Man, who deep down hates all of this but shows up anyway, and to Sister Kristen and Bubba for getting me into this whole Michigan tailgate mess. To our other regulars, from the Dogan's and Sheppard's to the Hatzl's and Bush's...as always it was a great turnout and great participation. I personally had a few newcomers there that were very impressed with our spread of food and our organization. Little do they know that we operate perfectly with only a theme to guide us! I would also like to thank each and every person that made their way out to the tailgate. The attendance was amazing.

And now that I've talked all about me, I just want to reiterate that this amazing tailgate is not all about me. Being only able to quote Michigan men...I remind all of you that it is, always has been, and always will be about "the team, the team, the team." Saying that I could not do this without all of you would be incorrect. Because I don't do it. We do it. And I hope we continue to do it until Aiden gets his name on the flag too.

Thanks.

Milestone

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by Tuba​

To continue with the theme of Homecoming and the bond that is Michigan football, I would like to offer my congratulations to Frank DiMaggio on his impending 100th consecutive game. And yes, for those of you who aren't familiar with the word consecutively and will undoubtedly ask, home and away? Yes, the man has awoken every Friday or Saturday morning (praise be to god, allah and peanut butter shakes) and made his journey to some far off (or very close) town, city, farm house, agricultural college or septic pool and gone to see the maize and blue embark on a seemingly endless tour of duty. From Pasadena to Bloomington and back, to the shores of Union Bay and picturesque Eugene, the man has endured.

But what is most remarkable is his resilience. Even after defeat, whether at the hands of an opponent (See Rose Bowl 2007) or a tailgate (See Rose Bowl 2007) he continues to thrive. He continues to post and he continues to lead us to what has become our tailgate salvation. But as we take a moment Saturday to honor the man let us not forget the people who have helped champion his quest; those who have endured Frank just as Frank has endured them. Just as any good husband would honor his wife for her never-ending love and devotion let me take a minute to congratulate Frank's many tailgating significant others who have no-doubt played a role in his tailgating life:

The Originators : Godfather and Captain. Maybe you see something in the webmaster that reminds you of yester year, or maybe you're too damn drunk to remember yester year and just enjoy the fact that you now have someone else to laugh at instead of each other.

The Trail Blazers : Dan and Stephen. It blows my mind that these guys go to every game with you. Maybe they get their sanity from the fact that you do what they're doing but at an accelerated life-style.

The Ladies : The Godmother, Lisa and all the other lovely girls in your life. So, yeah, thanks Godmother and Lisa.

Family : Your Sister, Nieces and Parents equally as lovely as the ladies. Certainly they're just as proud of your tailgating accomplishments as they are being a part of your life.

The Old Ladies : Misses A and Misses B, the two poor ladies sitting in the wrong row at the 2007 Rose Bowl. Everyone's a winner as the pictures were priceless and the stories will last forever, or in their case probably another five years or so.

The Rest of Us : Whether its rides to and from the airport, missed curfews, punches to the head, red wine on the couch, mud on the carpet, emptying septic tanks, re-designed tattoos or just your run of the mill tom foolery, your tailgating experience would be almost non-existent without the people you put up with....I mean your friends. Congrats Frank!

The Weekend Roundup: The Gambler Edtion 10/9/07

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​On a warm summer's evenin', on a train bound for nowhere. I met up with Les Miles, we were both too tired to sleep.

There were basically three main stories on the Saturday: Mike Hart becomes Michigan's all-time leading rusher. 

Stanford upsets USC. LSU beats Florida. All three were smothered in maize and blue.

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Mike Hart:

  • Obviously a Michigan story...not much to add here.

Stanford over USC:

LSU beats Florida:

The world revolves around the Wolverines, folks. No other unranked team has ever had their mid-season non-conference game against directional Michigan lead mid-day college football highlight reels.

What happened elsewhere around the internets while you totalled up your amount due to the RIAA....

There's a rumor that Harbaugh just called Pete Carroll "my bitch" in the post-game press conference.
There is nothing better in CFB than seeing your team "upset" an opponent on their home turf. For those of you who have yet to see the Cats play in Spartan Stadium, I highly recommend it.
I am sold. I will sign on the line that is dotted. Get some coffee, Les.
"I don't know what the boosters are paying their players," he said. "They've done a better job recruiting. They have plenty of athletes. I've been around them for four years, and they are leaps and bounds from where I saw them."
The Boston Globe reports that no one noticed the in-flight movie, the 2003 Al Pacino film "The Recruit" also starred Tom Brady's ex-girlfriend Bridget Moynahan. As soon as her name appeared in the opening credits, someone reportedly had the movie replaced.