Might Have Picked the Wrong Week to Quit Drinking...At the Game

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Ya, we're 0-1.  Everything we witnessed on Saturday pointed to a season of struggles.  How does one get by in this era of transition, bad quarterbacks, and out of sync lineman?

Drinking, that's how.

The tailgate will continue regardless of the outcome on the field, and it will do so with vigor.  So, following the rules of tailgating, after you get some substance in your belly...you need to pour a tasty beverage over it.  Stuck tailgating at family friendly Pioneer High?  Try a can cover from the geniuses at canouflage.  You too can fake out the 5.0 by swilling on a can of Mountain Spew.  It's also good for walking to the stadium without worrying about the corner police confiscating your last chance for a beer before the four hours known as "the game."

Can't hold out for the whole game...but can't miss the game.  It's a problem many of us die hards deal with weekly.  There's nothing worse than losing your nice buzz through four quarters of sobriety and having a walking hangover by halftime.  Fear not, you sick, alcoholic bastard.  Get yourself a Beer Belly and enjoy sipping on...or mixing with stadium coke...your favorite beverage all game long.  This monstrosity holds 80oz of liquid.  Two suggestions if you go with this option:  #1 is that you best be sharing or you will find yourself in a hospital.  80 shots is too much, so spread the love.  #2 is to keep in mind that it is difficult to wear a beer belly flask if you already have a sizable beer belly.  This applies to many of our tailgaters...yours truly included.  Another option for sneaking in some spirits...The Disposable Flask.  Easily pocketed and undetectable to the metal wands, this flask should get you through Sheridan's 4th interception with its 7.5 ounces.

You can get all James Bond with your efforts as well.  Try a cell phone flask.  They look a bit dated, like most of the Godfather's cell phones, but should serve the purpose.  The binocular flask looks like the real thing when hanging around your neck, and holds a full 16 ounces.  Finally, we have the camera flask.  Fake like you are a newcomer and snap a fake photo of the Big House as you walk past security, then slowly sip the 4 ounces to keep that buzz on all game.

So don't give up on your drinking achievments, study your Whiskipedia, and we'll see you Saturday with your popped collar for the 80's themed tailgate.

Holiday Weekend Roundup, I Feel...OK Edition: September 2, 2008

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Here's what happened around the internet while you drank copious amounts of liquor and wondered what Michael Jackson should look like...

The Tailgate Wins Again

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There are times when we joke that the tailgate outshined the performance on the field.  Saturday, that would've been an understatement.  But that's not a fair comparison.  Twelve freshman saw the field for the Maize and Blue on Saturday...10 men and women over the age of fifty helped set up tents and cooked some food.  Our experience is unparalleled.  Hell, we've even had a website for 9 seasons, and we're pretty sure John Dogan fought in World War I.  So hey, when I tell you that our tailgate kicked ass and was led by a dream I've had for 10 years of sporting over 100,000 BTUs of grilling power...I mean it.

Our group's first All-American tailgate went off well, with Old Glory taking center stage lining the tents and adorning the chests of our tailgaters.  We had a good old fashioned American barbeque pot luck, and the participation levels, the amount of food, and the amount of people were all estimated as UMTailgate records.

Reality Bites

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Somewhere in your mind, past the place where Michigan fanhood clouds your better judgment, past the place where hope kills all common sense...you knew.  It really is a rebuilding year.  And the reality is that in the near future, no matter what this team does to grow and learn, it would take a miracle of biblical proportions to have us win games in the manner to which we have become accustomed.

The football project is now on pace with the stadium project...both should be ready by the fall of 2010.

Utah dominated every facet of the game on Saturday, and despite the Utes best Michigan State impression through stupid penalties and turnovers, the Wolverines still managed to fall short.  The Utes at several points in the third and fourth quarter attempted to literally hand us a victory that we did not deserve.  Utah moved the ball for Michigan through penalties nearly as well as the Michigan offense moved the ball through offensive plays.  137 yards of penalties for Utah..203 yards of total offense for Michigan.  But even that blatant ineptitude was not enough to assist an offense that could not overcome two quarterbacks that looked like the 3rd and 4th members of a depth chart, and an offensive line whose best asset seems to be the speed at which they run to the line of scrimmage.  The defense took a full half of football to adjust to game speed, and by then it was too late.  All of Michigan's best plays were from the punt team (both Zoltan (minus 1 shank) and the coverage team) when they weren't getting inexcusable delays of game.

If your looking for more positives, they are few and far between.  The inevitable "we didn't quit" probably comes to mind...but that's akin to saying "I take care of my kids" or "I've never been arrested."  The defense, once awakened, made some big stops, especially late in the game.  Threet threw one really nice ball to Junior Hemmingway.  Finally, the biggest highlight for me...the new construction shaded my section by halftime.

Box Score

Enemy Article

Odd Website That Has Nothing To Do With the Football Game