"Staff" Predictions for Unhappy Valley

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The Blue Jays didn't make the playoffs

The Blue Jays didn't make the playoffs

There was a random tweet from the original Canadian this week requesting predictions from the staff, so I am here to oblige...even though he has the lowest attendance on the season out of the group of our now seemingly regular Canadians.  I have also put in a request to the committee for an award to be added for Canadian Tailgater of the Year.  It's going to be a difficult decision.  

Tuba says:

(I will not make jokes, I will not make jokes, I will not make jokes...)

Let's just say it's a good thing this Sandusky thing didn't go down in 2001.

Anyhow, we make our first trip to Penn State since 2010 and the McGloinfest. That wasn't fun but it was 2010. This is 2013. Remember what we were like in year two of a new coach after a disastrous child molestation scandal? No? Neither do I. But Penn State is living it right now. And as impressive a job Jim O'Brien has done with this team, they're still not where they need to be. But this is a road game and we have deficiencies on both sides of the line which is never good. But we're better all around and if Jake Ryan can even play 25% of the snaps it just might be enough to stop Penn State on that drive where we really need a stop.

Michigan 27 Penn State 24

 

Johnny Cleveland Says: 

Maybe were gaining momentum, maybe Penn St. isn't holding it together as well as we thought, maybe Jake Ryan is coming back, maybe Gardner is settled down, maybe the white out in hv will rattle him, maybe were decent, maybe Indiana is decent, maybe were 5-0, maybe we will be 5-7?  Maybe it’s the most peculiar team in mid-October we have had, maybe that weird guy will be sitting by the godfather again.  

Maybe we win 31-21. 

 

The Webmaster Says: 

I will make jokes.  I will make jokes.  I will make jokes. 

To clarify what Tuba means by his reference to 2001... I once requested by megaphone that the student body and PSU fans at the tailgate in Happy Valley "bring me the head of Joe Paterno,"  and then compared them directly to the group of terrorists that brought down the World Trade Center just a few weeks after 9/11.  What's more taboo than that?  I was attacked with a bloody mary and a skirmish erupted that almost ended Bubba and Stephen's streak at 50.

But that was twelve years ago.   I am older and wiser and more mature now.

We're going to need to get to the quarterback.  Get to him.  Bring him down.  Pin him down.  Like a wrestler.  Here, let me show you.  Oh wait, um, no, no, we were just practicing.

Our goal should be to beat them so bad that if Mike McQueary is looking on they promote him again so he won't talk about just how much we dominated.

But that's probably not going to happen.  Especially now that I've made light of the whole scandal thing.  I'm usually punished for things like this.  Plus, Michigan does two things poorly...defend mobile quarterbacks and defend long passes.  This Hackenburg guy throws some long passes.  There will be long completions.  Devastating ones.  I think we may be able to grind it out, and we might only need old 98 to pull half a rabbit out of his hat a couple of times.  If he stays calm and doesn't do anything really stupid, we should get out of there with a narrow victory.

Michigan 28 - Penn State 27

 

 

Little Brown Pictures

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We Now Return to Our Regularly Scheduled Mediocrity

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Minnesota 2002 020.jpg

To say it was an improvement would be an understatement, as all football...everywhere...and at any time past or present is an improvement over what made its way out on to the field the previous two weeks.   However, to say it was good would be a gratuitous overstatement.  

A couple of team moves seemed to work, as a reshuffled offensive line seemed to be slightly more effective, and Devin Funchess has obviously found a home at the receiver position.  Gardner was great at handoffs, and the addition of Funchess allowed his eyes to unlock from the Desmond Howard's legends jersey that he'd been burning a hole in since last November.  He also didn't make many good throws.  From my vantage point, he was bailed out by Funchess two or three times on balls that could have or should have been picked.  There was a lot of Henne-to-Braylon-style (later perfected by Denard) underthrows where our guy came back for the ball quicker than the Gopher D could react to a shitty pass...resulting in long, undeserved (but appreciated!) completions.  We couldn't seem to come up with that kill shot, either in the form of a score to put it out of reach, or a sustained drive to run out the clock.  Make no mistake, the game was not put away until very late, despite what seemed like 100 chances to do so.  Defensively we were just ok, not dominating.  Mobile quarterbacks, even when not that mobile, still cause problems here...and I got news for you, they always will.  We also seem to be susceptible to long passes, or several consecutive medium range ones.  I feel like they come in spurts...like entire drives where someone is wide open on every throw.  But in defense of the defense, we seem to make just enough timely stops to stall drives and/or force field goals.

Anyway, it was a decent win against a team that is not good and that was without their coach who IMHO needs to change his career...or at least his role.  In getting to East Lansing undefeated news, Penn State just lost to Indiana by 20, so either that's great because they suck or that's bad because they're going to be pissed this weekend.  Then Indiana visits (Tailgate Theme Alert:  White Trash) and, um, did I mention they just beat Penn State by 20?

Bottom line, this level of play probably gets us by Penn State, Indiana, and maybe Iowa.  We need to play better than this to get by MSU, NW, Nebraska, and OSU.  Reverting to Akron or UCONN play levels will result in a loss regardless of how hapless the opponent will be.

See y'all in Happy Valley.  Go Blue!

 

Fashionably Late Pictures From UCONN

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