An Annual Reminder of How to Tailgate

#1: Bring Something. I don't care if it's a steaming bowl of poop, although bonus points go to those who surprise us with unique cuisine, unique drinks, unique outfits, unique decorations, or unique personalities. Bringing something is your pass to enjoy everything we have to offer at the tailgate.

#2: Eat Something.  Dual reasons for this. First, we've got too much food, I promise.  Just stay out of Godmother's cheesy potatoes. Second, you'll need something of substance in your gullet if you want to follow tip #3

#3: Drink Something. The tailgate is BYOB, though occasionally a specialty drink makes it's way onto the menu for all to enjoy.  Bring a giant mug and fill it with a cocktail of your choosing. Bring a cooler of beer and empty it into your belly before kickoff. Take a tug on the bowl of Yucca. When it gets cold, sip a mug of spiked coffee. In short, get drunk, because you're a lot cooler when you're drunk. And let's not forget, the best tailgating stories always seem to include (insert person here) had a lot to drink, and then he/she fell down (into the bushes / on the stadium steps / into that girl's chest). Later (he / she) groped the (daughter / son) of (insert former tailgater here). We found (him / her) passed out (on the grass outside the stadium / in their car / under their car).

#4: Hug the Godfather. Why? Because we said so. Especially if you have no idea who he is. Because the Godfather loves to get himself some "strange."  Even better, if you liked it, you can do it again the following week because the Godfather never remembers you the first time.

#5: Respect the Hall. The members of the UMTailgate.com Hall of Fame. Recognize them, respect them, honor them. Don't know who they are? Check the flag.  We've got people here that have not missed a home or away game this century...seriously.

#6: Learn to Love. Respect all of the tailgaters, even those from the opposing team that are visiting us and wallowing in our dynasty and tradition. This applies to everyone except...

#7: Learn to Hate: Michigan State and Ohio State.  Don't mistakenly wear their T-shirts, their hats, and in most cases, their colors. This applies to tailgating and gamedays only...however, big bonus points if you apply this rule in your daily life, like me.

#8: Go to the Game. And try to make it there before kickoff.

#9: Go to an Away Game. Ya, we tailgate there too. Some long drives are in store for this season, but there's nothing like Saturday Night Football on the road, so quit being a candy ass and put on a white jersey.

#10: Ask Goody To Show You His Tattoos. It's not imperative for your enjoyment, but it makes me laugh.

#11: Follow the Theme. Yes, each tailgate has a theme, and the theme is posted with each game on the season schedule.

Central Michigan: Staff Predictions

Tuba says: 

In my 20 year association with Michigan Football, by far the shortest tenured relationship of the over 30 crowd in our tailgate, I have never been so calm entering a season. (Please don't fact check any previous posts to disprove this sentiment as it's possible I said the same thing last year). But what is so wonderful about 1. not having ridiculous "undefeated" expectations and 2. a general calmness about our team, is that there is an air of confidence that was lacking in previous years. And that confidence is derived from a coaching staff we support, love and have faith in. When was the last time THAT happened?! It's really quite amazing. Even the Moeller and Carr years were riddled with uncertainty about play calling and overall philosophy. 

There are paradigms established with the Hoke staff that create a sense of comfort and confidence. From recruiting to game management and coaching. The defense will be good and I vaguely know the players involved. Why am I so confident? Because they were good last year thus they'll be good this year. That's just how it works these days. Offense? Not sure but it will be FUN to watch! What?! Wow! Football is fun? Dare I even suggest entertaining?! Rich Rod had some entertaining moments. And then there were moments of utter catastrophe. This is not dissimilar to Carr, except Carr's fall from grace was his loss of enthusiasm for the game in later years as opposed to utter incompetence in regards to an entire half of a football team! (Well, of course, Carr did start sucking at recruiting and hiring Debord again...Oh no, I feel like I'm slipping into a Carr bashing session...wait, stop...I can't...This is supposed to be a celebration...) 

However Hoke is different. And yet...the same. We love him for many of the same qualities that we love Michigan. He embodies the ideas that establish the archaic description of honor we bestow upon our great athletes, for he too is a Michigan Man. But a Michigan Man not just of the past but of the present and future. And the future is oftentimes what was missing around here. So welcome to the present and the future, and may those combinations honor our past in a victory on Saturday and a 10 win season.

Johnny Cleveland: 

With full disclose I am writing the JC CMU preview after reading Tupa's, but I really like how your mind is thinking .  A lot of good ideas, however unlike Big Rob over on State, I do know this defense and its got a chance to be not good, but bordering on great.  Three deep up front with quality and depth on the back side are unique to all of since long long ago.  Although this is a Central preview, I am not going lie, missing two captains on the D is making me weary of next weeks night game.  So use this week to study your program and #'s as we are our memories are used to only having to know 11 numbers on D and now we need to data base 30.  This is a good problem!!  The Offense is an enigma to me..  DG looked very good at times last year but his low release never will be accepted by me as acceptable.  No good QB throws like this but then again Inktowns finest does have a "magic" aura about him, so who the F knows?  Add that to a really suspect receiving core, who just lost the clear #2 receiver, who was also an unknown, and the passing game looks like Funchess or bust.  Now combine that with a certain career ending injury returning as the backfield work horse, how is this going to work? I actually was going to root for Central Saturday but then my rooting interest warned me to "remember App State", so I fled that cause but still wish him well!  Blue wins 41-17 but really keep it bland for us in week 1.  Pork tailgate is the most exciting thing for most of us Saturday but our expectations will get the Michigan obligatory unrealistic week 1 raise and we all know that isn't good for anybody. Like Tupa I can throughly enjoy a plausible calm of progressive conservatism, a level of rediculousness in recruiting gives extra excitement but when we only win by 6 maybe we realize were still building.  So in the end hold your heads high as no other tailgate in America on Saturday will likely be ingesting pork belly hash for breakfast and Piglet for lunch!  Its getting close boys, get READY!

 The Webmaster: 

No bullshit, I just wrote like 3 solid paragraphs on this game, blasting Sparty and Kirk Ferentz in the process, but it disappeared.  Oh well.  I already said my peace on the season.  For the game, Michigan wins 38-10.  So take CMU and the 31.5 points.  We aren't showing anybody anything before UTL2...and probably not even then.  Let's eat pig.

The Ever Increasing Expectation is for the Position - Season(s) Preview

It's the third year of the Brady Hoke era, and it's definitely an "era."  When we spoke of RichRod, it was often referred to as the "experiment," as in " we are in the third year of The RichRod experiment." That's the difference between respect and disrespect.  That's the difference between "get us back to where we were" and "take us somewhere new."

Coach Hoke speaks of 2012 as a failure, and minus the Sparty game, which was basically snatching victory from the jaws of defeat, I couldn't agree more.  It took 400+ all-purpose from Denard to stave off Air Force in the Big House.  And figure in a different result for the Northwestern game, where it took a miracle to force overtime, and you've got yourself a colossal failure of a season, like under-.500-did-we-make-a-huge-mistake-hiring-hoke style colossal.  But Brady and the boys hit the magic number, eight wins.  Eight wins was good enough for Lloyd to maintain status quo, and it will be enough for Coach Hoke.  I think we're reaching that point where we're going to settle in on 8-5, 9-4, 10-3, and the occasional 11-2, perhaps leaning towards the latter two in this weak conference, at least in the near future, and of course adding on a win here or a loss there depending on Big Ten championship game participation.  This is where we live.  A couple losses we shouldn't get, another that wasn't so unexpected, and maybe a win or two to be proud of.  Copy-paste 2014, copy-paste 2015, copy-paste 1994.  

The whole idea of this (albeit successful by comparison to the rest of the football world) middle ground has me yawning this morning.  There's got to be something more.  I guess our buddies down at Notre Dame proved that something can come of this.  Once in a while, something magical happens.  You see, being good can only get you so far when you're like us.  Alabama can march into the final game of the season undefeated because they have Ivan Drago like superiority, both in coaching and in on-field talent.  Sure they have to cheat and sign 40 recruits to "scholarships" each year to make it happen.  But hey, playing by the rules only gets you so far.  It takes luck to make a team that historically posts three or four losses every year into a National Championship participant.  Injuries, playing teams at the right time, flukes, weird calls, and hot hands all play a part in getting a team to the summit.  

Our 8-5 squad, the one that could have easily gone 6-7, was every bit as good as Notre Dame.  It took a seemingly endless amount of Denard interceptions...and one Vinnie Smith one (yep, still pissed Al)....to literally force the Irish to beat Michigan in South Bend. That means we were good enough to do what ND did, which is, um, somewhat participate in that last game of the year (which consequently we had already participated in for the first game of the year).

I dream that someday we can make the jump, from this middle area to the elite area.  And I'm not talking about for a season, though one season is a start.  The recruiting classes seem to indicate that we're heading in that direction I guess, but I'm more interested in what we do with that elite talent, how we develop it.  We seem to be historically good at taking low level athletes (or at least unsung ones) and turning them into great players.  Braylon Edwards, Jordan Kovacs...guys like that.  I always felt that those great classes that Lloyd brought in under performed once they were here.  I also felt like the ratings of players got bumped once they were on our radar, resulting in inflated star ratings for recruiting classes.  I think that still goes on, for both us and ND.  But anyway, it is rare that we get some 5-star dude and have him become a, well, 6-star dude.  And there's 6-star dudes everywhere now.  Freshman lead teams.  Johnny Football won a Heisman (and signed a shit-ton of autographs for money).

"I believe the children are our future."  - Randy Watson

I'm feeling this is getting verbose.  Let's talk about this season real quick, eh? 

What I like: 

• Playing Notre Dame (because it's at home, and it's for revenge, and because they suck,and it's under the lights part deux)
• Devin Gardner is a better quarterback in the traditional sense of quarterbacking-ness, and had to play a bunch because Denard got so Denarded he hurt himself ...and Russell Bellomy went all  fetal-position in Lincoln.
• UCONN:  They are done being good and pre-Big Ten East Coast games > West Coast games.
• The offensive line is better than last year.  How do I know?  Because the offensive line is always better than last year when you are in a Hoke/Carr/Moeller/Schembechler system. 
• I don't care if he can't block for shit, I love Devin Funchess, and the '97 waggle is going to be in full effect. 
• Ohio at home means there's a chance

What I am concerned about: 

• Devin Gardner is not Denard, and Denard was so Denard.
• Fitz is at the top of the running back depth chart, and he is coming off a broken leg...and wasn't doing so well before that anyway. 
• At Northwestern
• Lots of Late Kick Offs + Alcohol + Old tailgaters = Ambulances
• We are in year three of returning to being a "Michigan" defense, so I'm expecting us to have all kinds of trouble containing mobile quarterbacks....like Braxton Miller. 
• At Sparty
• Being At Iowa and accidentally looking ahead OSU while they are rallying to save Kirk's job

Wins:  CMU, ND, Akron, @UCONN, Minny, @PSU, IU

Bubble: @MSU, Neb, @NW, @Iowa, OSU

Thinking analytically...we don't lose at home under Hoke, so that moves Nebraska and OSU to the win column.  That leaves @ MSU, @NW, and @Iowa on the bubble, splitting those to the bad side gives us two losses on the season and secures a legends championship.  We will head to the B10 Championship Game and beat Wisconsin and their new coach, making us 11-2.  That will be good enough for a Rose Bowl bid, and will leave us wondering what could have been had we not lost to (fill in the blank).  As an aside, me from 10 years ago called and says we're going 14-0 and winning the National Championship.  Because we typically win National Championships in the year before the system to determine the National Champion is changed.

That is all.

GO BLUE! 

Way Back When-sday Pic of the Week

November 2, 2002:  Posing on the sidelines with Steve Everitt during Michigan's 49-3 pasting of Michigan State.

Your 2013 UMTailgate.com Tailgate Themes

Sons-in-law

The 2013 UMTailgate.com Tailgate Themes are available in several places, most notably here , which is just a copy of the link that is available in the 2013 menu above.  Past themes?  We got 'em.  Remember 2012?  Godfather doesn't.  But it was great.  Bacon Theme, Seafood Festival, All-American...we did it up right.  In 2011 we welcomed Brady Hoke to Michigan with such classic themes as The White Trash and The Far Eastern.  In 2010 we gave Rich Rod a proper sendoff, featuring Christmas in September and a Graffiti T-Shirt Tailgate before introducing the world to the Bacon Tailgate.  2009 will always be remembered for the Step-Brother's inspired "Boat's and Ho's and The Catalina Wine Mixer" tailgate.  Ahhhh the memories.  But we are here to discuss the future, and so we shall (links below are to further theme information and the ability to add the events straight to your google calendar or ical, so feel free to click on through):

8/31    Central Michigan 3:30PM:  Luau 
9/7      Notre Dame 8PM: Catfish, Smoke and Pickles
9/14     Akron 12PM:  Pizza Party
9/21     At UCONN TBD: TBD
9/28    BYE
10/5     Minnesota 3:30PM:  Homecoming Carnival
10/12    At Penn State: Winnebago
10/19    Indiana 3:30PM: White Trash
10/26   BYE
11/2       At Sparty TBD:  TBD
11/9       Nebraska TBD:  The Lumberjack
11/16      At Northwestern TBD:  TBD
11/23     At Iowa TBD:  TBD
11/30     Ohio  TBD:  Beef, Blazers, and Lasers

Four days from now, the hash will be on, the ribs will be smoking, your life will be better.  Here's to 15 weeks of unreality.  GO BLUE!